Hey, Moms: Feminists Think They Know What’s Wrong With Your Children

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Dana Sitar is a 28-year-old writer who works as a barista in a bookstore coffee shop to pay her bills. Divorced and childless, she is perhaps not the role model of happiness and success to whom America’s mothers usually turn when they need parenting advice, but being a feminist entitles her to tell you what you’re doing wrong. Quite frankly, she’s decided that your parenting is too heteronormative:

Your Toddler Might Be Gay
. . . In a world where we’re finally making some progress on understanding non-straight identities as deserving of recognition, respect, and equal rights, forcing heteronormative assumptions on yet another generation is a huge step away from an inclusive and tolerant society. . . .
If we keep talking to that little girl for the next 10 years as if it’s her destiny to fall in love with a man (put a pin in the implied sexism and other layers of bigotry for another conversation), how will she react to herself and others if she finds herself attracted to the girls around her, not the boys? Or to both? . . .
How will she treat herself when she realizes she wants to kiss the girl down the street, not the boy next door? . . .
Not being a bigot is a huge first step, and I thank you for it.
But it’s not enough to quietly believe in equality. We have to actively practice tolerance and become aware of the presumptions we project. We have to let our kids see a world where their identities are all treated as normal and acceptable, regardless of the odds.

Perhaps you didn’t notice that she used the phrase “our kids,” although Dana Sitar has no children herself, so that her use of the first-person plural implies that this feminist coffee-shop waitress is asserting her proprietary interest in your kids. Yes, mothers of America: Your expectation that your daughter will grow up to be normal — even in 2014, about 98% of U.S. women are heterosexual — is a sort of prejudice, just one step removed from “being a bigot.”

Feminists condemn you for “forcing heteronormative assumptions” on your girls, thus impeding “progress” toward “an inclusive and tolerant society.” You’re a homophobic hater, mom. Your little lesbian toddler is already being oppressed — by you! (You’re probably showing her heteronormative Disney cartoons, aren’t you?)

How is America supposed to make progress toward an inclusive and tolerant society, if mothers keep brainwashing little girls into thinking it’s quote-unquote “normal” for them to like boys? If we are ever going to achieve the kind of equality feminist theory demands, mothers must put an end to this intolerant oppressive heteronormativity. Only then can your daughters be free to grow up as completely confused as Rollins College sophomore Bekki Charbonneau:

I am a queer woman. I flip-flop between identities. I have been “straight,” then “bisexual,” then “pansexual,” then a weeping puddle in the middle of the floor (which has occurred frequently enough to be considered an identity, in my opinion).
I often feel “not gay enough” to hang out in queer spaces; I feel like an intruder or a wannabe. I have had friends “jokingly” tell me that I should just “pick a side already.” And sometimes I actually contemplate it: I would just be happier being straight, and I wouldn’t have to deal with homophobia as frequently! Besides, some men are hot. I could deal with being straight.
But then I see a really pretty girl, so I think, “I’ll just be a lesbian. Many men don’t bother learning about social justice because of their privilege, and I don’t want to date someone I have to educate. It’s too much work. And some girls are just lovely.” . . .
I often get concerned about how many of the qualities I’m attracted to in a person are a result of growing up in a heteronormative, patriarchal society. I am often attracted to masculinity (either in cisgender men or in male-identifying persons, and occasionally in women with masculine characteristics). Am I attracted to masculinity simply because I have been raised in a society that places on a pedestal and reveres all things male?

Feminists must celebrate Bekki Charbonneau’s self-described “queer” sexuality, ignoring concerns about the schizophrenic tendencies manifest in such confusion. The difference between feminism and insanity is simply a matter of perspective.

By the way, mom: Seen any good cable TV shows lately?





 

 

THE ‘SEX TROUBLE’ SERIES:

 

158 comments

  1. People who don’t have children themselves telling other people with children how to raise them isn’t just a purview of feminists.

    My step mother never had kids of her own, but had the audacity to try and tell me how to raise my own. She wasn’t a feminist.

    Also had a male friend who had that tendency, too. Didn’t want kids of his own, yet would try and tell you how to raise yours.

  2. Since the annual Airing of Grievances has come early this year, why don’t we move on to the REALLY important stuff? Only 2% of Americans are gay, but fully 10% are left-handed. How DARE we assume that this constitutes a majority! Sure, 90% is bigger than 10% in your cis-handed world, but that is just oppressive dexteronormative thinking. We should allow (and by allow, I mean force) children to experience the rich diversity of left-handedness. Make all children wear an enormous iron mitten on their right hands until age 18. And, while we are at it, lets force every manufacturer of doorknobs, light bulbs, sporting equipment, cars, industrial machinery and computers to reverse everything they make. At no cost to the consumer and with no unintended consequences.
    You will be surprised to learn that, while I have no children and am not gay, I am left-handed.

  3. She sounds like a lovely girl. Hard to believe no one snapped her up as soon as she was back on the singles market.
    God knows chicks with low earning potential and dreadlocked armpit hair are hot commodities for straight men.

  4. I am a queer woman. I flip-flop between identities. I have been “straight,” then “bisexual,” then “pansexual,” then a weeping puddle in the middle of the floor (which has occurred frequently enough to be considered an identity, in my opinion).

    Yeah. That’s called a mental disorder.

    Anyone who is a “weeping puddle on the floor” is a nut in my opinion. Unless a loved one has died young*, weeping into a puddle is nonsense.

  5. I’m gonna have to disagree there. I have no kids, and I sometimes have to step in when there’s too much drama between a friend and her kids. They’re all too emotionally wrapped-up in the events, and they need an impartial outside voice.

    I think that’s why celibate priests are a good idea: getting some advice from a person who’s outside the mess.

    Remember: an armchair quarterback CAN INDEED be right.

  11. Asking for advise is one thing. But unsolicited advise is a different animal.

    A trite examplwe would be me telling my kids they don’t need that extra piece of candy or that little trinket of a toy and your friend saying…what’s it gonna hurt if you give in to their demands. What matters is I as a parent know what’s best for my own kids.

    Parents have to know when to say no and comments from the “peanut gallery are unwelcome in such circumstances.

    Also, armchair quarterbacks have the luxury of seeing everything in hindsight.

  12. What about those of us who are ambidextrous. (For those ignorant of that term, it means you can switch hands without missing a stroke.)

    We are even less of a minority than the gheys. We ask, nay, we demand that all products be made so that a person can use them with either hand. We want ambidextrous forks, knives and spoons. We want plates and bowls that can be held in either hand.

    We just want to be equal, dammit!

  13. What…no eye bleach warning? No free market advertising about Stacy selling ice picks for your eyes through his Amazon links?

  14. Deviate all you want. Many great things have been accomplished–in fact, ALL great things have been accomplished–by those who dared to be different.

    But if you’re a “weeping puddle in the middle of the floor” on a regular, that’s a hint that your deviation is not making you a well-adjusted adult individual, and can therefore be rationally described as an illness.

  15. Why is it that when someone presumes to give advice, they’re not wildly successful and happy? Seriously, that’s just ridiculous.

  16. Lefties are also more likely to die young in accidents! (I read that on the internet, it must be true!). This is unjust!

  17. I don’t disagree that she sounds confused and in need of mental help, but for some heterosexuality is too limiting, and they should have the ability, and support to explore. Within legal limits, too, of course.

  19. The first clue that you shouldn’t necessarily take this person seriously is that she evidently changed her last name to “sitar”. I ain’t believing for a second that’s her real name.

  20. What does it matter if she has “low earning potential”? So, we should all aspire to consume endless quantities of junk thereby leading to environmental devastation, and the depletion of natural resources? We are now so hopelessly addicted to our economic paradigm that we are trading human lives in order to feed it through natural gas drilling which they know full well is toxic. everyone should at the very least be spending less, especially on crap they don’t need. Apple just put out a 5s phone last year, now a year later we need 6, thereby making 5 obsolete? that’s just waste of materials.

  21. You do realize that article is about her struggling to be a writer, right? Nice the way you use her current job status as a barista while discounting her other accomplishments and the step down it is which she fly acknowledges. And why do you do that? to discredit her feminist beliefs. Good job! You’re a propagandist. If you listed her past successes it would have weakened your argument.

  22. “The difference between feminism and insanity is simply a matter of perspective.”

    Absofuckinlutely true dat.

  23. Gee, the next time I want parenting advice, I think it’s *great* to seek out “a weeping puddle in the middle of the floor.” /s.

    Actually, “a weeping puddle in the middle of the floor” is a *great* way to describe most of the homosexuals I’ve met.

  29. I accepted a position serving coffee in a bookstore today. Not just any position — the very same one at the very same store I held from the ages of 18 to 22.

    I’m 28 years old now, with a college education, a marriage and divorce

    Bwahahahahahaha! Fail.

    Guess what her degree is in?

    Undergraduate Degree:
    University of Wisconsin – Madison, Community & Non-Profit Leadership (2008-11)

    Well, she certainly learned how to not turn a profit.

  31. pansexual?!?

    I enjoy RSM’s articles on feminism, but where do these people come up with these bizarre terms?

    When I read the term “pansexual” I seemed to have inadvertently channeled Gunnery Sgt. Hartman from the jelly donut scene in FMJ, at least that’s what a coworker replied when I said “… what the fuck is this…” while reading this.

    http://youtu.be/5NP8y63Ms4o

  32. I would make a distinction between discussions of public policy and someone injecting themselves on a personal level into your parenting of your own children. Matters of public policy are open to anyone who has to live under the law, pay taxes, etc. For example, I have never bought the argument that men are not allowed to weigh in on abortion because they can’t get pregnant.

    On the other hand, someone sticking their nose in to tell you as an individual how to raise your kids (absent any kind of abuse, etc), is a different matter.

  34. I will believe that Mizzzz Sitar lives up to her statement: “We have to actively practice tolerance and become aware of the presumptions we project” when I see how she responds to a conservative.

    I suspect that she won’t be very tolerant…

  36. It’s about her being a semi-formed twenty-something who can’t cope with the ordinary disappointments and trade-offs of life.

    FWIW I don’t understand the world she claims to live in – since when are “all things male” (and what is THAT, that she can’t be) “revered.” If it means bucking up and getting on with it, without demanding accommodation from other free persons, maybe I revere that but I see women do that all the time.

  37. I’m curious, too. How is a rant concerning the horrific evils of women being attracted to men (basic evolutionary biology, but what do I know, I’m one of those ‘anti-science’ Christians) perceived as a treatise on the struggles of a hopeful wordsmith?

  39. Their heads explode, though, when you remind them that while they do not turn a profit, they are dependent on profits from “corporations”. Their next question is often “how is that?”. So then you ask them where their money comes from and they will say from donations. And then you point out that the donations are the proceeds of profits, they just aren’t dependent on their OWN profits, but on other people’s profits. Therefore, they have a vested interest in seeing the profits of those who donate to them rise.

  40. If what you mean is she should choose her path, fine, but accepting the cost is part of that choice. No one is called on to “support” her or abet her or make her choices easy. Life is hard sometimes. Deal with it, work it out somehow. Stop whining or expecting others to pave your way or build your own cozy contentment or personal nirvana. Stop asking for “support”, start supporting yourself.

  41. Yes. And they tend to have a child-like view of profit as something that just magically happens when a bunch of white cismale businessmen (booo!) get together in their corporation buildings.

    Just as children don’t understand how hard Daddy has to work to pay for the roof over their heads and the clothes on their backs.

    She’s lucky to have a job as a barista. I can’t imagine employers are fighting each other to hire graduates in Community & Non-Profit Leadership.

  42. Just because an armchair quarterback can be right doesn’t mean that gives them the right step into the middle of drama between parent and child without invitation.
    If I did that with my six daughters and my grandchildren it wouldn’t be appreciated and children being who they are would try to manipulate the situation.
    Try raising a few children before you start making decisions for the parents.

  49. I’m shamed to admit that one of the colleges I went to is Rollins College. Beautiful campus. Now evidently filled with psychos. I get an alumni magazine from them – I don’t know why, I would never give them any money – and each one is chock-full of some kind of glorification of somebody because of their sexual preference, feminism and/or deviant behavior. One time, it looked as if the cover article pertained to Christianity, so I was excited, but then when I read it, I found out it was apostate Christianity. I thought to maybe write a rebuttal, but I knew they’d never publish it.

    I used to wish they’d stop sending me the things – it’s embarrassing; I don’t want my mailman to think I read that garbage – but now I realize the pages make great “dropcloths” for my workspace while I’m creating my fantabulous works of art.

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