The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

The Toxic Lives and Influence of AWFLs

Posted on | September 21, 2023 | Comments Off on The Toxic Lives and Influence of AWFLs

A couple of days ago, the Google algorithm on my phone brought up one of those clickbait headlines — illustrated with a photo of a large-breasted woman — “Famous Celebrities You Won’t Believe Are Still Single.”

Who was that large-breasted woman? I still don’t know, because the way these clickbait articles work, you’re going to have to scroll through two dozen items before you ever get to the “featured” personality, and I stopped scrolling once I saw the name Chelsea Handler.


Is there anyone genuinely surprised by the revelation — “You Won’t Believe”! — that Chelsea Handler is still unmarried at age 48? The woman’s life has always been a toxic dumpster fire of dysfunction, substance abuse and broken relationships. Indeed, her personal problems were the subject of her stand-up comedy routine from the time she entered showbiz in her 20s. In case you have forgotten when Chelsea Handler was actually funny, her humor was basically about (a) here habitual promiscuity and (b) her alcoholism. Her first book was entitled, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands, while her second was entitled Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea. Which is to say that, by the time she was sufficiently well-known to be called a celebrity, what was Chelsea Handler was mainly famous for was being a drunken slut.

As the subject of a stand-up routine, this was actually funny, back around 2005 or so, but as a lifestyle . . . Well, I wouldn’t recommend it.

Nor would I recommend Chelsea Handler’s brand of politics, a reflexive liberalism so dumbed-down that it makes Rob Reiner and Michael Moore seem astute by comparison. What Chelsea Handler is (besides a drunken slut) is an AWFL (Affluent White Female Liberal). These women are now the core grassroots constituency of the Democratic Party, the kind of people so insulated from reality they think CNN is objective journalism.

Despite the fact that their own lives are defined by unhappiness and broken relationships, AWFLs nevertheless think themselves fit to decide weighty matters of public policy. Does anyone really need to be lectured on political topics by someone like Chelsea Handler? Is she someone so self-evidently wise and well-informed that there are millions of Americans who turn to her in search of political guidance?

Let me tell you a little story about Chelsea Handler. When she was in her early 30s, and beginning to have some serious show-business success, Chelsea started dating NBC executive Ted Harbert, then the head of the NBC-owned E! Entertainment cable channel. Harbert was recently divorced and 20 years older than Chelsea. This relationship lasted about five years, the longest Chelsea had ever been with anyone, and probably the closest she ever got to being married. After they broke up, Chelsea told a reporter it was because she and Harbert couldn’t separate their show-business work from their personal lives. More recently, however, Chelsea has told a new version of events:

Chelsea Handler realized she had to break up with her ex-boyfriend Ted Harbert after having a threesome with him and her masseuse.
“I was very turned on by this woman,” the comedian told Andy Cohen of the massage therapist during Wednesday’s episode of SiriusXM’s “Andy Radio,” clarifying that she has “slept with a woman” but “hasn’t dated a woman.”
She added, “I ended up hooking up with her several times without the guy.”
“That’s when I knew it was time to break up with the guy,” she said. , , ,
Handler admitted she never told Harbert that she was sleeping with the masseuse on the side, but she called their threesome “fun” and said she would have one again.

Everyone all together now: “Eeehh-YYUKKK!”

See, the thing about Chelsea Handler is, when she made a career of making jokes about her life as a drunken slut, she was young, and kind of good-looking. But she is well past the point where anyone wants to think about her having sex, with men or women or both simultaneously.

Anyway, I hadn’t thought about Chelsea Handler at all for a long time, and the only reason I did was because of that clickbait headline with the picture of a woman with very large breasts. Who was she? I don’t know, but if any of y’all figure it out, please let me know in the comments.



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