Category: humor

BREAKING: Identity Theft Industry Considering Healthcare.gov Bailout

Posted on Comments

by Sissypuss the Blog Kitty

Recently I sat down with Howard T. Mendacio-Ledgerdemain (HTML), an old acquaintance and expert on The Identity Theft Industry. TITI has been flattened by the bad economy, much as anyone else. However, as this interview shows, TITI is actually well-positioned to stage an intervention, offering a lift for the sagging enrollment numbers at Healthcare.gov.

Sissypuss: You guys are criminals! Who would even reach out to you?
HTML: Be nice, now. I am merely a humble consultant, workin’ hard, tryin’ to locate and adhere to whatever the law seems to indicate at a given hour. People come to me with questions, and I offer purely hypothetical guidance, you see. People who cruise in orbits very, very close to the Resolute Desk. And who am I to turn them away?
S: So you’re talking about a White House advisor?
HTML: Could be, could be. But one always strives to maintain an Area Of Uncertainty in these matters, you see? Not unlike the Affordable Care Act itself.
S: So how exactly can criminals help the White House?
HTML: Must we be so pejorative? These are concerned citizens, just like Congress, who are being tasked to assist taxpayers in doing something for their own good, namely, get insurance.
S: Can you be more specific about the verb “assist”?
HTML: One of the chief impediments to enrolling, other than a website built by gerbils on Drano, is that the chief audience for ObamaCare–people who can’t spot a bad deal on a ballot or an insurance policy–also aren’t always swift about remembering where they live. And even when they have that information written down, and can read the information, they are not always quite so coordinated about entering it into a gerbil-crafted website. All that texting is bad for data entry. I’m not blaming the victim here. It’s really a complement to how well TITI’s education affiliates have blown up these peoples’ minds.
S: Not everyone could manage to sound so enthusiastic about a bad website with bad customers.
HTML: I’m a consultant, kitty: I’m a ray of sunshine to all needing their lemons turned into a Limon Collins.
S: And so what exactly happens?
HTML: Well, you’ve got a website that needs better numbers, you’ve got information about a pool of people, and you’ve got, let’s say, a catalyst. You should be on about a catalyst, no? Let’s say, hypothetically, that a bunch of people who needed insurance just kinda got it, and Healthcare.gov just kinda got the numbers it needs. Everyone’s happy. What’s not to like?
S: Hm. The transition from a government legally mandating you get insurance to a situation where you go to the mailbox and discover that, by magic, it’s all been done for you isn’t a large leap.
HTML: No, not at all.

 

Update: linked by the mighty Bill Quick, who, by the way, writes some rollicking good stuff. Thanks also to Regular Right Guy.

“Not The Cruz Mask,” He Wimpered. “Yes. Bad Day At The Office,” She Said, As The Whip CRACKED. #50ShadesOfLiberal

Posted on Comments

by Smitty

Graphic due to Bob. I also blame him for this post. None of these tweets are really bad in isolation, but the sum sort of creeps me out. Time for a shower.

Col. Nathan Jessup, Tea Partier

Posted on Comments

by Smitty

“Son, we live in a world that has elections, and that elections have to be guarded by men with principles. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lefty? The Tea Party has a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom.

You weep for Progress, and you curse the Tea Party. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what the Tea Party knows. That Progress’s demise, while tragic, probably wasted lives. And the Tea Party’s existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves these United States.

You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at Burning Man, you want the Tea Party at that election, you need the Tea Party at that election.

The Tea Party uses words like honor, code, loyalty. It uses these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. The Tea Party has neither the time nor the inclination to explain itself to a citizen who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom the Tea Party strives to restore, and then rejects the Constitutional manner in which it’s provided.

It would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, it’s suggested you pick up a sign, and stand tall at a rally.

Either way, the Tea Party doesn’t give two hoots what you think you are entitled to.”

10 Ideas RE #OccupyResoluteDesk’s Activities In Lieu Of Job

Posted on Comments

by Smitty

#ObamaMentalBreakdownSigns Hires Alec Baldwin As Twitter Czar

Posted on Comments

by Smitty