Our Double-Secret Strategy To Ensure GOP Triumph

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by Smitty

While I haven’t been as deep in the tank for any candidate as the marquee name on this blog, I have been consistent in my disdain for Ol’ Willard Mitt. In that spirit, I dared say on Twitter:

This earned me a stern note from Michael Zak, whose book Back to Basics for the Republican Party, is somewhere in my to-read stack:

This invites the question: should we just form up and join the March for Mittens? Why, no: no, we should not. Look folks, the American spirit wasn’t crushed when the Japanese nuked the Alamo, and we’re just not going to roll over for a conservative show-horse, even if he could take a Canadian beauty contest.

But you’ve got to understand that this is a higher form of loyalty! You see, if we were to get on board with the severely conservative candidate, we would run the risk of blowing his cover.

Mitt, as the true anti-Obama, has to run to the center, and scoop up the moderates to win. If this blog slips out of right-wing reactionary character, we’ll scatter those moderates like so many semi trailers in a Texas tornado. (Too soon?)

The acid test of this strategy will, of course, be the Vice Presidential pick. Mitt needs to court the vast non-RINO majority of the right, but deftly, so as not to spook the horses. The near-term goal, of course, it to retire #OccupyResoluteDesk. However, the proper choice of young, charismatic conservative could help Tea Partiers view the Romney-? ticket as a 16 year gig. The right person could be the salt and lime to go with the Romney tequila, to go for a wildly inappropriate metaphor, and not to offer any liquid voting aid suggestions–you could end up so blotto you vote for BHO without realizing it.

Let’s consider some possibilities, shall we?

  • Sarah Palin: absolutely not. The only way she could work is if we spread the rumor that Mitt really doesn’t want the job, and is hoping to reprise John McCain’s 2008 concession speech. But how do you campaign for nearly a decade while secretly wanting to fail, without being named Al Gore? No, we can’t carry off the ruse that Mitt is a moderate with Sarah on the ticket. Alas.
  • Chris Christie: tough sell. Christie has a reputation for speaking loud truth to total jackwagons. A crucial aspect of the moderate game is that you drive the whole “blessed are the meek” thing past the point of absurdity. Among Christie’s copious good qualities, meekness is not found. You can’t disguise a Ford Mustang as a Prius, and you can’t sell Chris Christie as a milquetoast.
  • Marco Rubio: the big problem with Marco is the Tea Partiers. Marco represents rebellion against the Ruling Class Overlords. Remember how Charlie Crist was picked for Senator, and would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids? No-ruse Rubio would spell the end of the “Still more Mister Nice Guy / Still more Mister Clee-ee-ee-een” gambit, as the quintessentially American spirit of Alice Cooper is packaged as a boring, phoned-in moderate.
  • Allen West: can’t be done. The Left would go into full double-think hysteria, accusing Romney of being a consumate raaaaacist attempting to cover his guilt by picking West. Furthermore, Barack Obama would wet himself if confronted with an authentic warrior, irrespective of race. One of the crucial aspects of the Romney strategy is to avoid the appearance of whipping up on the poor wee. . .President of the United States. Just because he’s POTUS, don’t think he’ll hesitate to paint himself as a victim; a victim’s victim, and a poster child for the shiny new Department of Victim Studies at a University near you.

Given all that analysis, and the late hour when I conclude, I’ll speculated wildly that the nominee is. . .Bobbie Jindal. Mainly because Stacy loves it when I speculate.

 

123 comments

  1. Actually, now it’s time to figure out whose turn it will be in 2016 so we can all jump on the next Electable Inevitableness™ bandwagon that much sooner.
    My money’s on Lamar Alexander.

  5. I heard he was going to go with Portman or perhaps the gal from NM, but leaning towards Portman.

    What? No Rand Paul?  I guess that rumor has already gone to bed huh?

    *we may not have elections by 2016

  8. If Romney fans do as well convincing moderates to vote for Mitt as they do conservatives, we might as well start the race for the 2016 nomination now.  This kind of approach from Michael Zak is more likely to get a response from conservatives of palm in crook of bent elbow with raised middle finger than anything else.

  10. Is Romney planning on resigning on January 21? If not then the choice of VP is meaningless. I can’t understand why conservatives fall for that gag over and over again. Having Barry Goldwater as his running mate wouldn’t make the Romney any more conservative or palatable. The only redeeming quality Romney has is he’s not Obamsky. If by some miracle he wins, conservatives will have to move into opposition immediately, on the other hand eight years of angry grassroots conservatives in front of the WH and on Capital Hill might liven up the place.

  16. Your true colors are coming through.
    If my guy doesn’t win, I’m taking my ball home.

    Fine, don’t vote for Romney.  But are you going to stomp your feet about it until November?

    Please start your own political party that addresses the one issue you only seem to care about. Birth Control.

     

  18. Colonel West needs to be POTUS, with Romney as veep. Then we’ll sweep. West is the only person qualified enough to be President.

  22. So, if we put in Alan Keyes as VP, and Alan West as SecDef, and Palin as Interior, and Dave Ramsey as Treasury you’ll be okay with it, right?

  23.  AIIIGHHH, I live in TN.  Alexander is Olympia Snowe in a plaid shirt.

    Don’t even joke about things like that.

  24. I don’t think Rob looks like Natalie, but I could be wrong.  There appears to be a lot of this self identification confusion going on lately.

  25.  Let’s see, everyone is now quite comfortable admitting that Romney did not ‘win’
    so much as beat down every remotely conservative opponent in the
    primary race.

    Yet now I’m supposed to be a ‘good soldier’ and fall into file?  Um, no.

    I take small comfort in being a resident of TN, my refusal to cast a vote for Romney being all but inconsequential.

    Those of you that are willing play along just wait though, he and his
    ilk will have you engaging in all manners of contortions and double
    speak in order to defend him while avoid the admission that he and your
    principles are wholly incompatible.

    Win or lose ruling class Romney is going to wreak horrible damage on the tenets of conservatism and limited government. 

  26. We might need to check the copyrite on the name DoomCon. I think the “id” people might take exception. I’m thinking “WeAreSoTotallyFuckedCon” might be a better name.
    : )  

  28.  Wow, what at intelligent and insightful straw man you’ve constructed there.  With skillz like that backing him up Romney cannot lose.

    How about considering it this way – the guy who appears to have bought his way into victory does not remotely represent me or my principles.

    So, tell me again why I should feel compelled to vote for a guy I don’t believe, trust or agree with?

    So, this is to be the Romney PAC approach to the general?  Brow beating conservatives into shoring up his base? 

    Brilliant.

    My friendly advice to you and fellow travellers is make sure your danegeld is indeed geld, because paper isn’t going to be worth much by the time the all the DC ruling class cronies are made secure.

  29. What do have for conservatives who are not republicans we are tired of having to choose between Bolsheviks and squishes. The nomination of Romney establishes once and for all that the Republican party is utterly irredeemable with any luck this latest disaster will be the end of it.

  30. Only if he learns how to play riffs like Joe Walsh.

    Which only reminds me that this election year is really not going to be a good one (redistricting and all that — there is nobody for me to vote for, only people to vote against …well, except the down ticket…like down at the bottom, county clerk down ticket; the canidate for county clerk is a good gal who I personally will be quite happy voting for).
    As the LoL goes, so goes the nation.

  31. There’s some aspirin in the medicine cabinet, right side, second shelf.  You seem to be needing some.

  33. The PAC hasn’t rolled out the neighborhood canvassers in their white suits and ties yet…you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! (although you may get your driveway resurfaced for free, so there is an upside)

    Ok, that was mean and totally uncalled for — but it was just sitting there, begging me.

  35.  Why? In what way has he earned my vote? Can you list 10 classically liberal ideas or legislative achievements Mitt Romney has promulgated or made? Five?

  36. Look at me, I’m an attention whore! 
    You need to do EVERYTHING you can to convince me to vote for Romney or I’ll start screaming!

    Nevermind that Santorum was pro-union, big spending, big government Republican. He was super-awesome on issues like whether Methodists are really Christians or not!

    I’m fine with the dingbat wing of the GOP leaving.
    What’s amusing is they actually think their $25 donation and yard sign is a game changer every election.

  37. Nobody said that Santorum was a great candidate. He was a good one, however.

    I appreciate RSM Smitty, et. al. ,providing hope that we Conservatives weren’t doomed when the Cain campaign fell by the wayside.

  38. Thats it!! This well thought out argument convinced me! I was going to sit this out, but being call a dingbat (i’ve been called much worse by Mittwits) now has me motivated to vote for the most progressive Republican we could find. The middle is now happy, you dingbat conservatives need to just do your job and shut the fuck up!! Romney 2012!!

  39. Dang, that sounds like a request, maybe an order.

    What I don’t think you realize is, that the more of this that keeps up, the more people will likely sit home this election.
    And you aren’t going to win if you siphon off a double digit percentage of your potential voters.

    Right now the Dems have some big problems — they are stuck between appeasing their base, appeasing old style Dems (who have or are ready to jump ship), and appealing to the moderates (who are also getting sick of them everytime they go to put gas in their cars or have to buy groceries).
    Problem is, rather than capitalizing on that, it appears as though the GOP has somehow gotten the mistaken notion that this is a winning strategy — because they are gearing up to do the same blasted thing…including sending out toadies to bully, pester, and berate their errant voters who are not happy with things (and not one positive message, more negative nastiness and thinly veiled threats).

    Now, I’m an independent (and I think there are some faithful Repubs and donks who are beginning to realize this had nothing to do with indecision on my part): at a certain point in the whole thing I reserve the right to just not care and go fishing; you play it however you want to…but don’t expect everyone to go for it, and don’t expect a lot of people to not protest it, and don’t go throwing a ringtail fit when you start losing or run out of support (right now the only thing the GOP has going for it, imhao, is that the Dems are doing the exact same thing and might be a smidge worse, but it’s becoming a fine hair to split).

  41. …and I might add: that while the Dems have to make the case for a numbskull that sat in a church  that spewed “G’damn America” and marxist liberation theology screeds, you’ve got a canidate who was a fairly high standing member of a church that believes Quetzalcoatl was resurrected Jesus, come to the U.S.

    So right now going fishing is starting to look like a pretty decent idea.

  43. I hope he does not go with Portman, but Major Garrett keeps saying he will.  They are floating it.  If there is a negative response they might back off.  But it very well might be Portman. 

    Who is the gal from New Mexico? 

  44. ThomasD, yeah, the Mittbots will never understand that it’s really hard for the conservative base to get behind a candidate that consistently sticks his thumb in the eye of conservatives and then loudly proclaims “who else you going to vote for?”

  45.  The only redeeming quality Romney has is he’s not Obamsky.

    That is a pretty redeeming quality.  But I agree, if he does win conservatives have to stay on point (as they are now) . 

  47. So it’s back to the Mormonism, the real reason you have issues with Romney.  Amazing how someone’s true colors are revealed in defeat.

    I honestly would prefer if you left, we don’t need your vote. 

    I just have one request, please don’t threaten us with “not voting” for Romney until November, just promise you won’t do it and move on.

  48. I think Jindal would probably be the best pick for Romney, but the fact that he endorsed Perry will hurt him. . . 

  49.  Shocking how easy would be for a moby to pass himself of as a Mittbot, and then succeed in further alienating the conservative base of the Republican party.  All by doing nothing more than demanding Mitt uber alles.

    Who could have seen anything like this coming?  It is going to be McCain without Palin.

  50. I have several cats and a garbage can none of them are Obamsky. Romney is not far better than Obamsky but rather marginally so.

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