National Offend a Feminist Week 2012

Posted on Comments

Did somebody say “War on Women”? OK, we’re not actually anti-woman. More like, anti-Women’s Studies majors. Which is why, for the fourth consecutive year, we are pleased once more to inaugurate this annual festival of fun, quoting the immortal words of our charter:

Hey, sweetheart, when I say “bring me a cup of coffee,” I mean bring me fresh coffee, OK?

Ever since we began this yearly celebration in 2009, it has been necessary to explain that we do not endorse wife-spanking. Unless she needs it.

Most of the time, however, spanking is unnecessary, because our wives know to bring us fresh coffee. That’s why we married them, right? And, of course, because our wives have a sense of humor.

Q. How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. That’s not funny!

Joking at the expense of feminists, however, has become increasingly dangerous. Earlier this year, the Southern Poverty Law Center added “misogyny” to his hate-group listings, so it’s probably a civil-rights violation to laugh at these jokes. And you’re a sexual predator if you talk to an atheist feminist in a hotel elevator.

The empowering message of feminism is that all women are victims.

Victimhood is synonymous with power. To deny women their victimhood is therefore to re-victimize and disempower them.

Don’t laugh: Somebody once laughed at Ashley Judd’s puffy face, and we’ve been suffering from her empowered victimhood ever since.

As usual, National Offend a Feminist Week ends on Mother’s Day Oppressed Victims of Patriarchy Day, when millions of womyn are painfully reminded of what happens when they are deprived of “choice.”

WARNING: If you are offended by images of how women were victimized before they had The Right to Choose, DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK!

Gruesome, isn’t it? And speaking of gruesome, Amanda Marcotte:

A lot of conservatives have taunted me personally with assumptions that I’m constantly getting abortions with my slutty slut self, so you can see why people who also believe that Obama is a covert agent might think there’s some secret underground conspiracy of feminists to emasculate men by secretly stealing away the womb fruit that proves their American seed works. The 4 million proof-their-fathers-had-sex-things we call babies born a year are seen as the rare escapees from the pro-choice conspiracy to wipe out all proof of American virility.

Making fun of Amanda Marcotte is simple: Just quote her.

Also, remember that Amanda Marcotte once believed — indeed, she was paid to proclaim — that John Edwards should be elected president. Never mind his disgusting adultery and love-child breeding. What is truly disgusting, Ms. Marcotte informs us, is that Edwards is being prosecuted for misusing campaign funds.

Victimhood is power, remember? Edwards is a victim, and therefore powerful. And powerful men are sexy!

Do you suspect that Amanda Marcotte craves John Edwards’s seed? Will you ever forgive me for suggesting that nauseating mental image?

Speaking of nauseating images: Women gazing with awe at Obama!

Today is Monday, which gives bloggers a full seven days for spitefully mocking feminism and everything feminists admire or cherish. Just don’t forget to link back here, so we can aggregate your courageous efforts. And don’t forget to shop our Amazon Mother’s Day specials, so we can make a shameless capitalist profit from this enterprise.

 

141 comments

  2. Do you suspect that Amanda Marcotte craves John Edwards’s seed? Will you ever forgive me for suggesting that nauseating mental image?

    No…never…not for all Eternity.

  4. When you say “anti-Women’s Studies majors”, you are wrong, Stacy.

    That should be “anti-Womyn’s Studies majors”. 

  9. The people who think you’re a woman-hating a**hole will no doubt continue to keep feeling that way, and the people who count themselves among your fans and supporters will probably continue to remain in that camp as well.

    Going back into the archives to dredge up old posts to shore up your position as being somehow right and the good guy in all this not only rings hollow, but has a definite pathetic and desperate tinge to it as well.

    Who are you?

    Don’t you know?

    Blogging, smoking and anything else won’t help you in this regard.

    Especially if you are unwilling to acknowledge that you can be a pretty nasty motherf***er when you want to be, or even when you don’t want to be.

    Which by anybody’s standards, you most certainly are.

  10. From the SPLC page titled Hate Map;

    Hate group activities can include criminal acts, marches, rallies, speeches, meetings, leafleting or publishing. Websites appearing to be merely the work of a single individual, rather than the publication of a group, are not included in this list. Listing here does not imply a group advocates or engages in violence or other criminal activity.
    ——————————————————————————

    This can easily be translated as,

    “If we don’t like you, you’re a hate group.”

    And so they stereotype people into groups and add you to  the list. Now this does not in any way imply that the SPLC is racist or bigoted; I merely  suggest that they may be ethnocentric toward certain American subcultures.

    I put my faith in them exponentially. 

  12. Shoot, 13 to 18 is when you can get the most work out of them.

    Now 8 to 12, when they are no longer cute little kids and haven’t quite attained chore doing capability — that’s the difficult time.

  13. I had a student who insisted on using “womyn”, bugged the H out of me…so I started grading her papers using “fynny” spelling.
    Which annoyed her — and thus balance was created.

  16. “Especially if you are unwilling to acknowledge that you can be a pretty nasty motherf***er when you want to be”
    Hmmm.  Acknowledge that about yourself first, then I bet Stacy would too.

    In other words:  ladies first.

  17.  Oh, PW, I never said Stacy shouldn’t have said it — the truth hurts sometimes, but is necessary not to avoid it’s sting — however, that doesn’t mean I won’t try to scapegoat him.

  20. So glad this week has finally arrived. I absolutely LOVE pissing off feminists! It’s one of my favorite hobbies. Just another bunch of self-hating, hypocritical group-thinkers. I make it my mission to piss them off.

    BTW, I’ve hung out with a lot of “pretty nasty motherf***ers”, and most of the time have found them to be a pretty fun crowd.

  24. They can’t put up hay or handle large animals and/or power tools safely yet though 😉

    Chores here are a bit more involved than cleaning your room or mowing the lawn.

  25. Scapegoat away….that comment spoiled my (eagerly anticipated) breakfast!

    That just wasn’t right!

  32.  Bob, that mental image ought to be a hell of a lot more disgusting to you than Amanda Marcotte getting it on with John Edwards, which might actually be hilarious.

  33. I’m surprised they weren’t already prepared with the line the media has been spewing, which amounts to delivering the #OWS message that they disavow the people that did this and that they don’t stand for that kind of thing.

    Which I guess means they have no problem defending people who have sex and take drugs in public, block streets and highways and the entrances to public buildings and businesses, shit on cop cars, commit acts of rape and vandalism, and engage in hateful rhetoric against “the rich” and otherwise engaging in harassment against any public servant, or for that matter private citizen, who crosses their path. Not to mention the murders and rapes, and the tons of garbage the city has to pay to clean up after them.

    But noooo, they don’t support any other kind of criminal activity.

  36. Bettie Page had bangs too — and was probably a lot more fun (and cute) than Amanda Marcotte.

    It’s her attitude that makes her ugly (word to all the mens out there).

  37. I did fail them at first — then she went and complained to Mom and Dad, who then backed her up in a  complaint to admin; they said I had to allow it.  Fortunately the Humanities Dept. head (while he couldn’t overrule the top dogs) was sort of in my corner and allowed me to bug the bejesus out of her with the mockery.

    And this, kids, is one of the conundrums of being a teacher in this day and age as well as why the teaching pool is getting rather shallow; nobody who wants to really teach wants to put up with this crap.

  38. First Amanda Marcotte’s cute bangs and now this…you are beginning to scare me!

    And it’s all giving me really bad mental images…you’re spoiling my groove with this negative vibes man, always with the negative vibes!

  42. I was just wondering about National Offend a Feminist Week! Hmm… so many things to do. Perhaps I’ll visit Feministing and wax poetic about loving my darling man, giving him footrubs every night of the week, consider him “head of the household,” and being deliriously happy every step of the way.

    Oh, and I’ll add: “My husband is pretty much 99.9% right 100% of the time.”

    Oh, yes. I am that evil…

  45. Post recipes, cleaning tips, child-rearing advice, and links to articles on “how to please the man in your life”.  Prelude that with the comment: “These really helped me in my quest to become more feminine, and I love that fact that there are sites out here to encourage femininity!  Anyway, just thought the contributions would be helpful to the cause…can’t wait to add some more as I find them!”

    Sign off with: “Another Feminine Woman Working for the Cause!!!”

    *be sure to add A LOT of exclamation points (those seem to be de riguer stylistically) 

    **sit back, watch them get upset — if your husband asks what you are doing, tell him that you just wanted some “me time”

  47.  Like hell they can’t. By 8 they’re handling draft horses and by 10 they’re using a chainsaw around here.

  48.  It is proper for aboriginal shamans to employ all of their sensuality, as well as intellect, to the task of seducing the sick client into betters ways of life.

    This can be seen clearly in the Indian portrayals of verious female ‘deities’ whose sexual charms (actually, secondary female characteristics) are displayed as a lure to those bound in Maya(illusion); in a sense, so to speak, it is the proffering of a life-line by those who stand by, observing which ‘entities’ are coming to the top of current evolutionary criteria.

    I give plenty of leeway for all styles of ‘helping’, from the erudite to the illiterate; but only if it is really ‘helping’. In some instances I am not qualified to judge this matter.

    There is the peephole for us to use to see ‘how we relate to others’; useful for as long as no finger pokes the eye peering through.

  49. […] = [];}– compiled by Wombat-socho Honestly, I didn’t postpone this for the benefit of National Offend A Feminist Week, it just worked out that way. Eye of Polyphemus hits leadoff this week with Sarah Shahi, followed […]

Comments are closed.