Given a Hypothetical Choice Between Monica Lewinsky and Sydney Leathers?

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De gustibus non est disputandum, of course, but any man who would prefer tattooed Sydney to the alabaster-complexioned Monica . . .

Maybe it takes a Southern good ol’ boy to understand why Bill Clinton liked more cushion for the pushin’, as fellows say down home.

Not that Sydney Leathers is particularly thin, but when it comes to the question of which gal looks like she’d appreciate a dinner date at Cracker Barrel — country fried steak and gravy, turnip greens, pinto beans, hashbrown casserole, biscuits and cornbread — I don’t think there can be any question: Monica is the plus-size winner.

What a lovely girl! Her green eyes are beautiful, her dark hair is beautiful and her mouth . . . Well, of course, I’m a happily married man, but this is strictly a hypothetical scenario, remember?

That’s why I was so strongly in favor of President Clinton’s impeachment. He was under oath when he was asked about Monica and, if he had any regard for truth, Bill would have had no choice but to answer: “Oh, hell, yes. I did that gal every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Honestly, I just couldn’t help myself. That chubby young gal flashing her thong panties at me? Like the song said, I took one look and I was fractured. Tried to walk and I was lame.”

Maybe some men honestly find Monica Lewinsky unattractive. Who am I to judge? Now let us recite the Good Ol’ Boys Prayer: Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from horny fat girls . . .

 

87 comments

  3. when it comes to the question of which gal looks like she’d appreciate a
    dinner date at Cracker Barrel — country fried steak and gravy, turnip
    greens, pinto beans, hashbrown casserole, biscuits and cornbread

    You forgot the Apple Dumpling with Ice Cream.

    And yes, I’d agree that Miss Lewinski. is more attractive that Sidney Leathers. But then again, I hate women with tattoos.

  5. I was going to dispute Mr. McCain. Then I went and looked at some pics as well. Research is your friend. Leathers isn’t bad but, yeah, Lewinsky wins (Leathers is about three beers. Lewinsky right now is no beers)

    To any women who are offended by this discussion: I am MAN! Hear me oink!

  6. I remember when you had to go to the carnival and pay 50 cents to see the Tattooed Lady, along with Turtle Boy and other sideshow freaks.

  10. I agree with you 100%, Stacy. Even before she grew into a lovely woman, Miss Monica was way better looking than Sydney.
    Of course, I’ve always had a thing for Jewish gals.

  13. I guess I am in the minority that I don’t mind women with tattoos. I don’t go looking for them I just don’t care. But women also need to be very careful about tattoos. Sometimes the tattoos don’t age well.

  14. I don’t mind tattoos at all, but there are a lot of tattoos that are better than Ms. Leathers’.

  16. If I was going to get a full back tattoo, I’d make it of something like the full text of the Bill of Rights.

  20. I find tattoos on beautiful ladies the equivalent of graffiti on great architecture.

    The only exception are those great Yakusa style Japanese tattoos, which are pretty amazing (and pretty rare since they probably cost north of $50K to do). But even then they are still freak show stuff.

  21. There’s a difference between “pleasingly plump” and “dumpy”. Monica is the former and Sydney Leathers is the latter. Monica has an uncommonly beautiful face, while Ms. Leathers comes off as a spray painted mouth breather. I’ve always felt that Monica really got a raw deal. Yeah, what she did was wrong but did she have to be destroyed on the altar of Clintonism? What price did Clinton pay? Riches and the undying admiration of liberals everywhere. Sydney Leathers appears to have been (and still is) a whore and quite proud of it. Sydney Leathers, Sandra Fluke, the gaggle of female enablers of the sexual predator Bob Filner, Client #9, Bill Clinton; God knows conservatives aren’t perfect (and we Christians know it for sure) but why, oh why, would anyone admit to being a Democrat?

  22. I can say that I would have had a lot more respect for Mr. Clinton if he had said, “Yes, I am in a relationship with Ms. Lewinsky. Y’all have seen Hillary, right? Do ya think I’m getting anything from her?”

  23. Horny fat girls can lose the fat, just not the horny. Sometimes, you plays them as you sees them, not that there is anything wrong with that, if you feel lucky.

  26. I’m gonna have to disagree. Leathers is bad. Lewinsky on the other hand…she was actually rather lovely. And if you look at Leathers, she’s just as chunky as Lewinsky was.

  29. I don’t find Monica exceptionally pretty. But, back in the day, she sure looked like fun. And that’s attractive.

    Leathers looks like a string of headaches.

  30. The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin’

    That’s what I said

    The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand

    Or, so I’ve read.

    My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo

    I love to sink her with my pink torpedo.

    – Spinal Tap

  31. I’ve dated a couple of women who had absolutely stunning full-back tattoos. Works of art.

  34. Lewinsky was a hormonal girl who permitted herself to be used by a serial rapist. Leathers is looking to exploit her notoriety for personal gain.

    Lewinsky. She seems to have been, and become a genuinely nice, decent person.

  35. The defining of deviancy down…the chubby intern giving hummers in the oval orifice is now relatively classy next to the used up tatted skank who looks like she walked out of a casting call for “Hells Angels on Wheels”

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