Lesbian Supermodel?

Posted on Comments

Cara Delevingne (@Caradelevingne) is a lesbian. Allegedly, I hasten to add, but this has been the press reaction after the 22-year-old supermodel celebrated “National Coming Out Day”:

She has never commented on her sexuality despite being linked to stars of both sexes — but it appears as if Cara Delevingne is finally ready to open up.
The 22-year-old supermodel — whose last serious relationship was with bisexual actress Michelle Rodriguez — shared a picture of herself wearing a ‘We Are You’ T-shirt in honour of National Coming Out Day and added an enigmatic message.
She wrote: ‘Doesn’t matter who you are or what you believe it, we are one! Go get yourself one of these shirts right now!’
‘I’m late for National Coming Out Day but better late then never. Don’t be scared to be who you are. Please follow @iolovesyou and @selfevidentproject because #WEAREYOU.’
Cara’s message was posted on Monday, two days after National Coming Out Day but her ‘better late than never’ message has been interpreted by some fans to mean she was actually coming out.

Whoa! What the hell is happening here? You’re telling me that with 3.5 billion men on this planet, there’s not one of them interested in dating Cara Delevingne? Or are you telling me that, of these 3.5 billion men, not one of them is good enough for Cara Delevingne? Or are you telling me that Cara Delevingne is hopelessly dysfunctional?

Some background on Cara’s ex-lover, 36-year-old Michelle Rodriguez:

In July 2006, Rodriguez told Cosmopolitan magazine that she is not a lesbian, but had “experimented with both sexes.” In November 2006, her openly bisexual Bloodrayne co-star Kristanna Loken made comments to The Advocate that were widely interpreted by the media as an admission that the two were in a relationship. . . . In June 2007, the lesbian magazine Curve ran a cover story that claimed Rodriguez to be bisexual. . . .
In October 2013, Entertainment Weekly quoted her saying: “I’ve gone both ways. I do as I please. I am too curious to sit here and not try when I can. Men are intriguing. So are chicks.”

Anyway, after hooking up with the young supermodel, the bisexual Rodriguez then decided Zac Efron was more “intriguing,” but you know what they say: Once you go Rodriguez, you never go back.

So it appears that Cara is now “playing for the other team.”

Gentlemen, this is a crisis for the heteronormative patriarchy.

We could afford to shrug off a few lesbian celebrities — Melissa Etheridge, Jodie Foster, Ellen DeGeneres, etc. — and say, “Who cares?” But when Victoria’s Secret supermodels start deciding they’d rather be having dinner at the All-You-Can-Eat Seafood Buffet? This indicates an existential menace to our male-supremacist franchise.

Obviously, one of you guys is going to have to take one for the team here. Sure, I know, these supermodel types are “difficult,” high-maintenance, prone to dramatic outbursts and emotional instability. But unless and until Cara Delevingne is properly oppressed, she’s going to be causing trouble for Team Hetero. Ask Justin Bieber: Selena Gomez allegedly hooked up with Cara in St. Tropez. And Cara may be making moves on Suki Waterhouse. An international supermodel turned predatory lesbian? Something must be done, and you know what it is.

Patriarchy requires sacrifices, and a conversion/rehab job like this won’t be easy. Cara Delevingne is damaged goods. Heck, she probably doesn’t even know how to make a sandwich. But 5,000 years of worldwide male domination is at stake, and one of you guys has got to do this job. Good luck. Everyone here at Team Hetero headquarters is counting on you.

 

68 comments

  3. I think she has a lovely face with the body of a boy and without the makeup would look about 12. Considering how many gay men are in the fashion business I’m not surprised she’s a super model. They’ like the lovely boy look. You go with Cara; I prefer Penelope Cruz .

  6. Umm, in the Daily Mail article, it goes on to say:

    “And Cara – who has also been linked to One Direction’s Harry Styles and musician Jake Bugg – has reportedly found a new love interest in the the form of acclaimed actor Jack O’Connell, according to The Sun.

    The catwalk queen is reportedly dating the screen star after they on the set of forthcoming movie, Tulip Fever, in which they both appear.”

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2792388/cara-delevingne-appears-discuss-sexuality-time-lends-support-national-coming-day.html

    Well, anybody is probably less dangerous and violent than Michelle Rodriguez.

  7. Here’s Cara without makeup and the push up bra. You could find lots of girls just as attractive as she is on various streets in England. She either got lucky or had a pushy parent or both. But if she had Bieber as a boyfriend no wonder she’s gay now

    http://tinyurl.com/opkhd9e

  12. How come “be who you are” always means coming out as gay? This is the primary focus or who one is nowadays-whether you hump men or women? Isn’t that fabulous!!/sarc.

  13. Oh, don’t worry. That’s not all “be who you are” means.

    It also refers to cutting up one’s genitals and trying to pass them off as the other kind of genitals. And denouncing other people for “hate” if they do not find one’s mutilated genitals to be so beautiful.

  14. I already did my bit for Team Hetero-Patriarchy several( 20+) years ago when I turned a Lesbian, hetero…well at least for the six or eight months we dated. Don’t know what happened after that.

    But she could make a hell of a sammich.

  17. Wait… Team Hetero?

    I thought we agreed at the last secret meeting that we’d be calling it the confederacy of Patriarchy, Evil, Nefariousness, Injustice and Sammiches?

  22. You’ll excuse me if I suspect that fixing lesbian super models is a rich man’s game.

    Further more if a female is dating Justin Bieber doesn’t that mean she’s a lesbian (or at least bi) rather than make her one?

  26. Hey, wait just a cotton pickin’ minute. They’re not me. I’m me. Nobody else is me but me. I’m sure as hell not them.

    What’s complicated about this?

  28. “I suspect that fixing lesbian super models is a rich man’s game.”

    Of course, and the problem is, all the rich guys are already surrounded by hetero supermodels.

    This not a “problem” for the rich guys, you understand, but why should they bother trying to fix a lesbian supermodel, when they’ve got no shortage of supermodels who don’t need fixing?

  31. Huh? Where am I? Did I accidentally click the Rule 5 link???

    Well anyway, as long as I’m here…

    “You’re telling me that with 3.5 billion men on this planet, there’s not one of them interested in dating Cara Delevigne? Or are you telling me that, of these 3.5 billion men, not one of them is good enough for Cara Delevigne? Or are you telling me that Cara Delevigne is hopelessly dysfunctional?”

    I’m going with door number 3.

  32. You can’t fool me. You’re just trying to make up for Andrea Dworkin Sunday, aren’t you.

    Well done! 😀

  34. Face it, RSM, virtually every woman on the planet would rather be snogging with @Caradelevingne than with you. That probably includes the gay men, as well.

    You are one miserable misanthrope.

  35. I refuse to believe that a real lesbian wouldn’t make a sandwich with a man and a third party. The vision is too beautiful to deny. [/utopian idealism]

  37. That was actually a joke (I think on King of Queens)… if you had to be gay with someone, who would it be… and he looks… gentle.

  39. However much it might please you, I very much doubt he’s miserable and I know he’s not a misanthrope.

  40. This is a publicity stunt. Or, to keep with the whole “sports team” metaphor, she’s trying to get Team Heternormativity to extend her contract by hinting that she’ll go free agent and sign with Team Carpet Munchatoria.

    Yawn.

  48. I can’t understand how something like this could happen in the fashion/modeling industry. I hope someone gets things under control or the crazy might start affecting beauty pageants.

Comments are closed.