The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Confirmed: Soccer Is Gay

Posted on | September 16, 2016 | 4 Comments


You may never have heard of lesbian soccer player Megan Rapinoe, who protested against the National Anthem because she hates America:

U.S. soccer star Megan Rapinoe knelt during the national anthem [Sept. 4] before the Seattle Reign’s game against the Chicago Red Stars “in a little nod” to NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick. . . .
“Being a gay American, I know what it means to look at the flag and not have it protect all of your liberties.”

Every patriotic American knows soccer is a Communist conspiracy. The anti-American protest by lesbian soccer player Megan Rapinoe merely confirmed this, while also making clear what every patriotic American also knew, that soccer is a sport only homosexuals play. The lesbian anti-American soccer player Megan Rapinoe accused the owner of the Washington Spirit team of being a homophobe because the team “does not hold a Pride Night to celebrate the LGBT community.” Celebrating “the LGBT community” is now mandatory in soccer because (a) only gay people would pay money to watch women play soccer, and (b) more or less every woman who plays soccer is gay.

“I have had conversations with Spirit players current and past, the fact that they don’t have a Pride Night,” lesbian soccer player Megan Rapinoe told The Washington Post. “They have gay players like everyone else [in the league]. They’ve made it pretty clear, at least internally, [Pride Night] not a game they are interested in, which is homophobic to me. . . . Bit of a stretch, but yeah I do think that [Spirit owner] Bill Lynch is homophobic.”

If Bill Lynch is “homophobic,” why is he paying professional lesbians to play soccer, a game that only homosexuals pay money to watch? Of course, if the Washington Spirit fired all the lesbians on its roster, that would be homophobic, and also there wouldn’t be a team anymore, because you can’t play women’s soccer without lesbians. There are rumors there may be some heterosexual women who play professional soccer, but they’re afraid to admit it, because heterosexuality is against league policy.

You may accuse me of exaggerating, but can you name even one woman who plays professional soccer and identifies as heterosexual? Have you noticed there are no players complaining that the league doesn’t “celebrate” their heterosexuality? Why not? Because women’s soccer is gayer than the front row at a Melissa Etheridge concert.

Speaking of which, I just got off the phone with my friend Cynthia Yockey, a lesbian who hates soccer (like all good patriotic Americans do) and who actually was once in the front row of a Melissa Etheridge concert. Cynthia’s father died a few months ago, and she had to sell the family home. She moved to Iowa, where she was feeling kind of depressed until the video came out showing Hillary Clinton collapsing in New York. That made Cynthia very happy. Trump’s leading in Iowa, where they play football, like good patriotic Americans do.



4 Responses to “Confirmed: Soccer Is Gay”

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    September 17th, 2016 @ 11:56 am

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