The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Carnac the Magnificent Knows the Answer

Posted on | October 31, 2023 | Comments Off on Carnac the Magnificent Knows the Answer

If you’re old enough to remember when late-night TV was actually funny, you remember “Carnac the Magnificent.” In a recurring Tonight Show segment, Johnny Carson portrayed an Eastern mystic whose psychic powers enabled him to discern the answers to questions written inside envelopes which had been “hermetically sealed” and “kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls’ porch since noon today.” (For the benefit of younger readers, I’ll explain that the company founded by Isaac Kaufmann Funk and Adam Willis Wagnalls was a publisher of dictionaries and other reference works.) Holding the envelope against his head, Carnac would declare the answer, e.g., “Until he gets caught.” Then, with a flourish, he’d open the envelope, remove the card inside and read the question, e.g., “How long does a United States congressman serve?”

So now picture me in the role of Carnac, with my bejeweled and feather-crested turban, holding the envelope as I perceive the answer:


After a bit of comic banter with my sidekick Ed McMahon, I then proceed to open the envelope and read the previously hidden question:

“What will we learn if and when the FBI ever decides to release the manifesto of Nashville school shooter Audrey Hale?”

The audience erupts in laughter and Doc Severinsen strikes up the band, as we go to commercial. Lloyd Billingsley reminds us, “On March 29, 2023, two days after the murders, the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit took custody of the manifesto,” and thus seek to conceal the mass murderer’s motive. It’s been seven months now, and as Professor Reynolds rekarks, “If they aren’t telling us what it says, it’s because they don’t want us to know what it says.” But we don’t need any help from the FBI to know than trannies are crazy, and crazy people are dangerous.



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