Michael Moore: Can I Out-Stupid @AmandaMarcotte? Why, Yes, The Founders Might Say That I Can

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by Smitty

Listen, Michael Moore, you corpulent Commie: the inalienable right of every man to defend himself is precisely what the Founders protected with the Second Amendment. The First Amendment means that the government cannot purge your rotten mind of its Marxist filth, and the Second Amendment means that you can defend all 17 feet of your circumference*.

As with Amanda Marcotte’s infamous tweet, Michael Moore’s absurd, ahistorical fantasies would have earned him a musket butt upside his fat head from just about any of the Colonials who fought, froze, marched and died for years to deliver the liberty that one who of the sort who “. . .never learned to fight for my freedom. I was only good at enjoying it” so casually trashes in word and deed.

I’d close on a “get stuffed”, Michael Moore, but you’re clearly long since overachieved on the gluttony. However, Tina answers both you and the PHB in today’s Dilbert:

Update: linked by Andrew J. Patrick, who would attempt to educate the hapless Moore.

*A prime number pulled from the air. I did not actually perform an orbit of Michael Moore to quantify his Jabba-the-Hut-ness.

19 comments

  1. Smitty, I think you’re title is intended to be a rhetorica question, but if not . . . the answer is always yes. Moore can out-stupid just about any one or any thing. Moore could out-stupid Floyd in True Romance.

  4. …all 17 feet of your circumference*.

    I would wager Michael Moore’s tummy has at least 17 sq ft of prime real estate–his personal Zuccotti Park–where interested conservatives can take turns and indulge in an unique experience of occupy. (Caution: Don’t get into his pants.)

  5. Someone needs to ask him how he protects his mansion on the lake (where he hobnobs with other 1%ers)

  6. No, that’s because, he thinks it takes more than one bullet to take him down. And rightly so. What with all the surface fat protecting his vital insides, you got to be extremely lucky.

  7. That’s actually very close.

    Given MM’s waist at 58″ x 3.14 = 182″ circumference = 15′

    And he could be larger.

  10. Sorry, but your math is flawed; the calculation is correct, but the input isn’t. Circumference = (pi)(Diameter). A person’s waist measurement IS the circumference. In your equation, you have 58″ as the diameter.

  12. “”  *A prime number pulled from the air. I did not actually perform an orbit of Michael Moore to quantify his Jabba-the-Hut-ness.””

    You have a seaman’s eye sir.

  14. Moore seems to think that the founders saw the weaponry of the time as primitive or marginally effective and therefore safely entrusted to the common man.
    They did want those old slow muskets in the hands of the common man but they felt so because at the time those weapons were state of the art. Just as M16s and AK47s are today. Restricting us to semi-auto pattern versions of these weapons is tyranny as is denying us our right to light artillery, RPGs or whatever the modern equivalent of the village green cannon.

  15. Good think you didn’t try to actually orbit Moore to measure the distance – no telling how long the radio blackout when you were on the dark side.

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