William Costello was a serial rapist and a Colorado Democrat.
But I repeat myself.
Costello, 47, was arrested in July 2012 after he assaulted an old man in the parking lot of a Denver supermarket. Everett Stadig, 69, was collecting signatures on a pro-life petition in front of King Sooper grocery store when he encountered Costello. According to reports, Costello told Stadig he “didn’t have a right to be here,” “shouted obscenities” and “said he believes in abortion.” Costello then shoved the senior citizen to the ground, causing Stadig to break his hip.
You stay classy, Colorado Democrats!
Costello was charged with felony assault in that incident and, under a new law that went into effect in 2011, police got Costello’s DNA. “Katie’s Law” requires police to take DNA samples from anyone charged with a felony. In less than a year, Katie’s Law resulted in more than 70,000 DNA samples being sent to the Colorado Bureau of Investigation, and these samples produced nearly 400 “hits” — DNA matches to evidence in unsolved crimes. Costello’s DNA produced four of those hits, which is to say he committed about 1% of the first 400 crimes solved by Katie’s Law.
Costello was also the 1% in another sense of that term: He was a successful real-estate broker, the scion of a prominent family whose Colorado history could be traced back through seven generations. And, by the way, did I mention that he was a Democrat? Because four months after his arrest for assaulting that old pro-life guy in the grocery store parking lot, when the Colorado Bureau of Investigation crime lab matched Costello’s DNA to evidence in its database of unsolved rapes, this was the headline in the Denver Post:
Suspected Denver serial rapist
has ties to high-profile Democrats
The suspected serial rapist linked by DNA to three sexual attacks on strangers — one of whom was a 13-year-old girl — also has close ties to some of the state’s high-profile Democratic politicos.
When William Costello was arrested in Bayfield on Nov. 5, he was volunteering to drop off yard signs at a Durango campaign office and was driving the car of a top political strategist, police records show.. . .
Prosecutors have charged him with multiple counts of sexual assault, kidnapping and impersonating a police officer, according to affidavits . . .
The news astounded many respected members of the community, said former Gov. Dick Lamm, whose son befriended Costello when they attended Denver’s East High School together. . . .
It was go-to Democratic political consultant Mike Stratton’s new SUV that Costello was driving when the Bayfield Marshals and the FBI pulled him over the morning of Nov. 5.
Stratton, working from Pueblo, had dispatched Costello on a delivery run, he said. The SUV was impounded. Stratton was told there were “serious charges” against Costello but didn’t learn the details of the allegations until the affidavits were released.
“I’m just astounded, disgusted and saddened for his family. I don’t even have words for this,” said Stratton, who has known Costello “off and on over the years.”
Y’know, it might be helpful to law enforcement if we could compile a DNA database of Democrats who register to vote. Who knows how many unsolved crimes could be solved that way? However, I doubt the experts in the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico would be able to develop a useful “profile” by asking the question, “What kind of Democrat is likely to be a serial rapist?”
Because the correct answer is: All of them.
The first three rapes with which Costello was charged occurred in 2008, 2010 and 2011, and like a good Colorado Democrat, Costello did not discriminate. There was diversity in his victims:
Arrest affidavits state that in the 2008 incident, Costello picked up a 13-year-old runaway and sexually assaulted her with a 2-year-old boy in back seat of the car.
The 2010 incident, a man driving a black Mercedes offered to drive a 22-year-old woman through a Del Taco drive-thru because the dining room was closed, but instead he drove her away. The report states that he claimed to be a “crooked cop” and sexually assaulted her. The case was open until a DNA match came back, linking Costello to the crime.
On Sept. 28, 2011, an arrest affidavit states that Costello claimed to be a detective and ordered a 49-year-old woman into his Mercedes.
“The suspect told her to relax, that they were just going to have a few drinks,” the affidavit stated.
The woman was eventually able to escape the car, but not before being sexually assaulted.
In March 2013, Costello was charged with a fourth rape, this one involving a 31-year-old woman who was a friend of a friend. So, teenage runaways, 22-year-old fast-food customers, 49-year-old strangers, 31-year-old acquaintances — basically, anyone with a vagina was a potential victim of the Colorado Democrat Rapist.
By now, perhaps, some readers are wondering, “What’s up with blaming this guy’s crimes on politics? Who cares if he’s a Democrat? Why does his partisan affiliation matter?” So glad you asked!
Study: Lena Dunham’s Republican Rapist
Almost Certain to Strike Again
According to a study published by the University of Michigan, chances are as high as 80% that the man “Girls” star Lena Dunham claims raped her, has and will repeat his crime. As of now there is no word that Dunham plans on filing charges to get “Barry” off the street.
The alleged rape dates back to when Dunham was a 19 year-old college student (she’s now 28) at Ohio’s Oberlin College. According to Dunham, she was drunk and high on Xanax and cocaine when Barry (who she describes as a campus Republican) sexually assaulted her.
Dunham says she had no idea she had been raped until she described the incident to others, including her roommate at the time and years later to the writers for her HBO show “Girls.” Dunham says it took years to come to terms with the rape. Only now is she able to discuss it publicly.
See? This is certainly going to be helpful to FBI criminal profiling experts at Quantico studying the partisan modus operandi of rapists. Whereas Democrat rapists cruise around in their Mercedes, kidnapping and forcibly assaulting strangers, we see that Republican rapists are very selective in targeting their victims: GOP sex criminals prefer unattractive girls at elite liberal arts colleges; once they’ve spotted their intended prey, campus Republicans like Barry then wait until the victim is intoxicated on a mixture of alcohol, tranquilizers and cocaine (which happens more or less every night for fat chicks at Oberlin). This enables the GOP rapist to sexually assault his teenage victim with impunity, because he knows she is so thoroughly anaesthetized that she won’t even realize she has been raped until years later, when she is a famous TV star and has had time to compare notes with friends to help her recover her traumatic memories just in time to include this tale of right-wing sexual savagery in her highly-publicized book.
The Behavioral Analysis Unit now has the basic elements of a profile necessary to determine the partisan affiliation of rapists. If a woman or teenage girl says that a middle-aged stranger in a Mercedes kidnapped her off the street and forcibly assaulted her, if she immediately reports this crime to the police and submits to a medical examination that provides DNA evidence which may be useful in apprehending the perpetrator, then obviously detectives know they are looking for a Democrat rapist. On the other hand, if a millionaire TV star has a vague memory of one night many years before, when she was a 19-year-old college student zonked out of her mind on a combination of intoxicants, so that she believes she had sex with a male acquaintance and that this sex was not consensual, and all she can do is mention the incident in a bestselling book where the perpetrator is referred to by a pseudonym — well, in such a case, the rapist you’re looking for is a Republican.
Except, of course, police aren’t looking for the man who raped Lena Dunham, because she never reported this crime to the police.
Hoping to get reaction from our nation’s foremost expert on political rape, I contacted the William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library in Little Rock and left a message. Unfortunately, I missed the return phone call, and when I checked my voicemail, the statement was strangely cryptic: “Better put some ice on that.” Also, I thought the voice in the message mumbled something about “Cathleen Willey’s cat.”
Colorado Democrat William Costello could not be reached for comment:
March 6, 2014 — A man once linked to top Democratic politicians in Colorado apparently committed suicide early Thursday, hours before he was due back in court for his trial on charges he raped three women and a 13-year-old girl.
William Burton Costello was due in Denver District Court on Thursday morning for a second day of testimony. The court declared a mistrial after learning that he was found in the 2800 block of Brighton Boulevard, said Denver District Attorney’s spokeswoman Lynn Kimbrough.
“We explained to the victims in the case that he had committed suicide,” Kimbrough said.
Raquel Lopez, Denver police spokeswoman, said Costello was taken to a hospital where he was pronounced dead.
So now he’s the only kind of good Democrat.
(Hat-tip: Richard McEnroe.)
