Apparently, Hamilton College Girls Don’t Know How to Have Orgasms, Either

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Doug Hagin accused me of gratuitously invoking “Roll, Tide” yesterday when I pointed out that tuition at Hamilton College in Clinton, N.Y., is $45,620 a year, compared to $9,450 a year for in-state students ($23,950 for out-of-state) at the University of Alabama. My point was, why would anyone spend all that money to attend a snooty liberal arts college up north, when they could save money by attending the finest school in Dixie with the finest football team in the world?

In addition to bad weather, a sorry football team — Hamilton lost to 23-7 to Amherst — and not knowing the difference between segregation and “diversity,” it appears that Hamilton College’s problems also include coeds who don’t know how to have orgasms:

A small, prestigious liberal arts school in New York is set to host and fund a workshop on orgasms for undergrads on Monday.
Hamilton College will host an orgasm workshop on Monday.
The workshop, hosted by Hamilton College’s Womyn’s Center, will teach “everything from multiple orgasms to that mysterious G-spot,” according to its official description, and is is open to male and female students.
“Whether you want to learn how to have your first orgasm, how to have better ones, or how to help your girlfriend, Maggie and Marshall cover it all,” [says] the event description on the Womyn’s Center’s Facebook page.
“Maggie and Marshall,” Marshall Miller and Maggie Keenan-Bolger, are the two “sex educators” who teach the workshop.
The exact price that the school paid for the workshop is unknown, however, the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities, paid $3,406 to host the same workshop earlier this year. . . .
The workshop is put on by Sex Discussed Here!, an organization that teaches sex education to college students.

Now, I’m tempted to suggest Hamilton girls are so stupid they can’t even find their own vaginas, but research indicates that Hamilton only admits undergraduates with high SAT scores. So maybe the problem is the inferior quality of male students at Hamilton.

Face it, ladies: Those nerdy wimps with straight-A averages don’t necessarily get your juices flowing and, if we can use the anemic record of Hamilton’s football team as a barometer of the general manliness of your student body . . . Well, there’s your problem, see?

Y’all head on down to Tuscaloosa, and they’ll fix you right up.

Roll, Tide!

 

68 comments

  1. A good deal of blame falls on the parents who pay for their little half-wits to attend crappy schools like Hamilton.

  2. Our daughter attended ‘Bama on a full-ride scholarship, but if that hadn’t been the case, our cost for four years there as an out-of-state student would have been less than for her to attend the University of Washington as an in-state student and live on campus. And that’s including the travel costs back and forth across the country. FYI. ‘Bama rocks.

  9. Weird. I never had any sex education classes, but I had lots of sex. Also, six children, so I must have been doing it right.

  12. The University of New Mexico had some orgasm thing last year or the year before. It’s not just Hamilton being too rich for sense, it’s endemic.

  13. If you need help about that, well, I think you have other problems.

    Someone in Bob Belvedere’s crew should be able to help you out.

  18. My father gave me some advice as a lad. If it smells like fish, eat all you wish.If it smells like cologne, leave it alone.

  19. My point was, why would anyone spend all that money to attend a
    snooty liberal arts college up north, when they could save money by
    attending the finest school in Dixie with the finest football team in
    the world? In addition to bad weather,

    Actually, May to September in Central New York and the Mohawk Valley is as pleasant as anywhere in the world.

    —

    Some of the difficulties of the place are endemic to higher education generally. The professional-managerial bourgeoisie have a set of class attitudes which are in essence status markers and nowhere are they held with greater purity than in academic administration. One thing that distinguishes Hamilton from Colgate University down the road (which has many of the same problems) is that the administration at Hamilton is comparatively flat-footed so you get bad optics again and again and again.

  20. One other thing re “Roll Tide”:

    The marriage of higher education and commercial sports is not really characteristic of how business is done in Upstate New York. There are six universities and two full-bore polytechnics but only one (Syracuse University) invests much in NCAA sports. Might also note it is odd to compare a research university with 35,000 students to an institution that grants only baccalaureate degrees and has fewer than 1,800 students, but perhaps you’d tell me to grow a sense of humor.

  21. Hehe… way way too euphemistic. It’s possible to get “sweet” romances anymore, but most of them are explicit. Which means… explicit. Definitely usable as a “how to” guide for a boy.

    All for about $8.99.

  23. Finest school in Dixie!

    You are seriously deluded. Clearly Auburn, the loveliest village on the plains, is the finest school in Dixie!

    For residents, undergrad tuition and fees are only $9,852.

    You get what you pay for…

  27. If college students need sex education, they should never have graduated from high school.

    Where, theoretically, said course was offered.

  31. “Bad optics” barely touches the Hamilton record of the past ten years. The shocker is how oblivious they seem to how ludicrous these stories appear to anyone in the real world. I even count myself, though I work in nonprofit world, which has its own gentle lunacy.

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