MoveOn.org Fundraiser Email Blends Stupid And Infuriating

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by Smitty

(emphasis original throughout)

MoveOn.org Smitty
Dear MoveOn member, I’m not, but this was forwarded by a recipient.
Big news: Republicans just announced that they will only allow the federal government to stay open if President Obama agrees to delay implementation of Obamacare. The actual votes were bi-partisan for and against, interestingly enough.
The New York Times says the announcement “all but assured that large parts of the government would be shuttered as of 12:01 a.m. on Tuesday.”1 Only if Harry ‘the Cadaver’ and #OccupyResoluteDesk, the Priapismic Pair, insist on putting politics ahead of sanity. I’m sure they understand that ObamaCare needs far more than 48 more hours to exceed ‘risible train wreck’ on launch. But why should reality affect them?
This is not a drill. After years of threats, Speaker John Boehner and the Tea Party are about to shut down the government for real, with millions of Americans losing access to vital services, hundreds of thousands of public servants unpaid, and a big blow to our economic recovery.2 It’s me. I am the Tea Party. I realize this e-mail went to a lot of inboxes, but here it is: I am THAT guy. You can just drop all the H8 down in the comments. I’ll bring all the best ones up to Cryin’ Johnny next time he’s by for an orange zest treatment. Because #Efficiency.
We can’t stop the Tea Party from trying to push America’s economy off a cliff, but we can make sure they pay a steep political price like they did in 1995 so that they finally stop this nonsense. Our plan is to start by putting targeted web ads on Facebook and other websites targeting the most vulnerable Republicans facing reelection next year and then keep up the pressure till the Republicans give up on these outrageous demands. This blog in no way wishest to stop the endless stream of nonsense that is MoveOn.org. Couple reasons.
First, First Amendment. Not only do I fetish legally using the same word twice in a row, I actually subscribe to the notion that, when you’re correct, you don’t have to waste time attemting to squelch others. Educate them, instead.
Second, MoveOn.org really is a hoot of the highest order. Yes, it’s a Sad Thing that some aren’t yet savvy enough to see through the cheap propaganda, but we should laugh and then take up the challenge of making a smarter society.
The Tea Party’s popularity has already sunk to near-record lows, and if the shutdown backfires, it could send the entire Republican Party into a tailspin. 3 But time is of the essence—we need to raise $200,000 in the next 24 hours to power our rapid response campaigning and give us the ad budget we need to hold the Republicans accountable. Can you chip in $3 today? It’s true. If the Tea Party was any less popular, it would be the Semi-Conscious Liberation Army. The Tea Party is, at best, a movement within the Republican Party, currently being crushed by an all-knowing elite headed by Stacy’s cousin John. Together the Tea Party and Senator McCain are still trying to get over Macho Grande.
Yes, I’ll chip in $3 right away to hold Tea Party Republicans accountable. SWIDT?
The GOP has descended into chaos and infighting—literally yelling at each other on the Senate floor. 4The shutdown—while terrible for America—is a big opportunity to go on offense and send the Tea Party into permanent decline. In your wildest dreams, MoveOn.org. The good nature of Americans has been sufficiently abused. You’re only going to see more conservatives elected, more showing up at CPAC, and more opposition to the godless Commie agenda as time goes on. The sleeping giant is awake, and he’s just a tiny bit hacked off at you. Go find a banana republic somewhere else to subvert, ye pointy-beared pencil necks!
MoveOn has launched an ambitious campaign to discredit Tea Party Republicans and expose their 1% backers—to hold them accountable for threatening to sabotage our economy and trying to subvert our democracy. We’ll keep them on the defensive in the short term and ensure that no one forgets their reckless hijinks as elections approach next year. The sight of George Soros’s MoveOn.org playing the class warfare card is, well, rich. Also, silly.The Tea Party might have some well-heeled backers somewhere, but this blog sure doesn’t know about it. Rather, the Tea Party is very much honest people interested in self-government. Which is why MoveOn.org is wetting itself.
After four straight years in which Tea Party Republicans have forced a job-killing austerity agenda down our throats, their reckless decision to risk a government shutdown finally has them on their heels. If they follow through, we’ll have a historic opportunity to expose just how extreme they are. Oh, those zany Tea Party Republicans, blocking Keystone XL! And setting the EPA against business! And triggering Sequestration! Wait, those were all Democrat-caused. Still, get your H8 on for the Emmanuel Goldsteins! I did it!
We’ll need to move quickly and speak forcefully to win the debate and bring about a repeat of 1995. That was the year Newt Gingrich and House Republicans shut down the government because they refused to negotiate with President Clinton. They paid for it dearly. 5 Now, it’s on us to ensure this time is no different. If we play our cards right, 2013 could become known as the year the Tea Party relegated itself to the dustbin of history. It’s also worth noting that Newt Gingrich lacked an internet, and thus could not get past the propaganda wing of the Democrat party. Responses like this, in response to the codpiece media’s propaganda, just weren’t as feasible.Also, Bill Clinton hadn’t recently demonstrated himself a complete, no-talent rodeo clown on the international stage, a la #OccupyResoluteDesk.If the half the electorate that backed this weak horse realize how utterly useless he is, then even Harry Reid’s brass knuckles will be of no avail.
Our campaign includes rapid response ads and press outreach, as well as long-term strategies to discredit the Tea Party and take away its power, including pushing PBS stations to air “Citizen Koch,” the thus-far-censored documentary exposing the Koch Brothers as the Tea Party’s 1% financiers. We’ll also shine a spotlight on positive alternatives to the Tea Party’s agenda, including a higher minimum wage to tackle income inequality. And we’re amassing a war chest to ensure that this week is one everyone will remember well into next year. But first things first—the next few hours and days are crucial, and to win this fight, we all need to pitch in. Couple paragraphs back, the Tea Party was at a Nader nadir, and now it’s got some kind of power?And the proven job-destroyer, raising the minimum wage, is some kind of threat?Should the Tea Party just give MoveOn.org all the Drano it can snort?
Click here to donate $3 to help take advantage of this historic opportunity. (Go, Cuccinelli!)
Together, MoveOn’s 8 million members have tremendous people power. Let’s go all in together to seize this opportunity and send the Tea Party packing. That’s an awful lot of sock puppets and low information voters, one must concede. But who has time for fear?
Thanks for all you do. Fall off the planet, you lying Commies.
–Anna, Carinne, Bobby, Alejandro, and the rest of the team May the Amighty have mercy on you.

34 comments

  1. Progs sure do love them some one party state, don’t they? But if disagreeing with the agenda is ascribable solely to stupidity or evil, then what other reasonable option do you have?

  5. Reminds me of the younger troops these days and their bleeding “hydration packs” they’re continually sipping on… In my day, we went three flippin’ days on one Imperial quart of dishwater in an aluminium flask!

  9. It doesn’t seem to matter much what I search for on the interwebs… Still getting the same ads! I’d click on the one that proclaims “Conservative men have the right to see THIS” below the picture of a comely young lady, but I suspect IT’S A TRAP!

  11. I get these emails, because I always request their free stickers. I figure the postage, etc, isn’t much, but we all should do our part. I can never get very far in reading these emails, though, and I couldn’t make it through this fisking, either. @smitty1e:disqus, you’re clearly made of sterner stuff than I am.

  12. Well it has been reported that both Mitt and “allah Akbar” McC have said the Tea Party would kill America to kill Romneycare

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