REVEALED: Colonel Jessup’s Bean Jones

Posted on | January 5, 2015 | 26 Comments

by Smitty

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with coffee. (1/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have deeper coffee than you could possibly fathom. (2/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee You weep for Santiago, and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury coffee. (3/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee You’ve the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved coffe. (4/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves coffee. (5/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee You don’t want the truth cause deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want that coffee (6/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee . . .you *need* me on that coffee. (7/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee We use words like honor, code, loyalty. These words are the backbone of a life spent defending coffee. (8/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee You use em as a punchline. Got no time or inclination to explain myself to one preferring punch to coffee(9/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee . . .and then questions the manner in which I provide the coffee. (10/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee I would rather you just said “Thank you for the coffee,” and went on your way. (11/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a cuppa, and stand a post. (12/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

#ReplaceMovieLinesWithCoffee Either way, I don’t give a damn what non-coffee beverage you think you are entitled to. (13/13)

— Who-cubby? POTUS? (@smitty_one_each) January 5, 2015

Category: Hollywood, humor

Comments

26 Responses to “REVEALED: Colonel Jessup’s Bean Jones”

Evi L. Bloggerlady
January 5th, 2015 @ 11:50 pm

It is a bit late for a coffee bean thread. Couldn’t this have waited for the morning! I will be up all night after reading those tweets.
Adobe_Walls
January 5th, 2015 @ 11:56 pm

Are the kids letting you get enough sleep at night.
theAcefromSpace
January 6th, 2015 @ 12:21 am

Yeah… um, okay, Smith. (Are you stoned?)
Dianna Deeley
January 6th, 2015 @ 12:41 am

I like coffee, but this is a bit much!
malclave
January 6th, 2015 @ 12:50 am

What, you didn’t include the most famous line that showed how evil Jessep really was?
Kaffee: Did you order the decaf soy latte?
Jessep: You’re goddamn right I did!
Steve Skubinna
January 6th, 2015 @ 1:05 am

“Coffee? You can’t handle the coffee!”

Lucky for me I was drinking tea when I read this. Otherwise there’d be coffee all over the keyboard.
Anamika Reddy
January 6th, 2015 @ 1:48 am

You can have your coffee and drink it too!

https://anamikareddy.wordpress.com/2015/01/05/dear-coffee-yogi-what-are-the-benefits-of-cowboy-coffee/

My advice to those who sincerely aspire to realize pure coffee consciousness is to find a genuine coffee yogi and follow his or her caffeinated guidance…and by ALL means, stay away from false decaf coffee gurus. They are all phonies, who only want your money and will never take you to your goal.

Just listen to your Inner Bean and follow your biscotti and all will be well 🙂
Adobe_Walls
January 6th, 2015 @ 6:33 am

Nothing suspicious about that name.
smitty
January 6th, 2015 @ 6:57 am

Never have been.
McGehee
January 6th, 2015 @ 8:03 am

Coffee coffee coffee. Coffee, coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee. Coffee?
McGehee
January 6th, 2015 @ 8:04 am

[after first sip]

What I meant to say was, someone who knows me well gave me a new coffee mug for Christmas. It says, “Anything is possible when you have enough coffee.”
McGehee
January 6th, 2015 @ 10:05 am

She does, however, know from cowboy coffee. Maybe she just needs to drink more of it.
Anamika Reddy
January 6th, 2015 @ 10:44 am

I take my morning coffee with some integrity!

Also…

I recommend coffee in the morning and staying away from cocaine of any quality. Yeah, I'm still serious about that….— Anamika Reddy (@AnaMyID) January 6, 2015
Bob Belvedere
January 6th, 2015 @ 10:49 am

Perhaps, that is the problem.
Bob Belvedere
January 6th, 2015 @ 10:51 am

They’ve got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil.
Adobe_Walls
January 6th, 2015 @ 11:04 am

Not even intoxicated?
Anamika Reddy
January 6th, 2015 @ 11:31 am

May I suggest, less coffee? 😉
McGehee
January 6th, 2015 @ 11:32 am

No you may not. Heretic.
Anamika Reddy
January 6th, 2015 @ 11:42 am

How about ‘wake up and smell the organic coffee beans brewing in the stone vessel buried in the ashes of the jungle camp fire’?

Heaven? Next thing, you will be hankering for 72 virgins, and eternal orgasm…

(Not that that’s a BAD thing!)
Anamika Reddy
January 6th, 2015 @ 11:52 am

Morning Glory with my cuppa cappa to.

GLORY!!!!

O Halleluia!!!

Ah The Lord is Well Nigh upon me NOW!!!

Praise you Jesus………..

Oh la bashanda ha ritor salamaca ro da ma kashanda!

Thus sayeth the Lord.

https://twitter.com/AnaMyID/status/552255695387500544
Quartermaster
January 6th, 2015 @ 1:18 pm

From the looks of it, you don’t a mug. You need a high speed IV pump.
McGehee
January 6th, 2015 @ 1:46 pm

They know me “well,” not really well.
Wombat_socho
January 6th, 2015 @ 4:29 pm

Considering what he produces when he’s sober, are you SURE you want to see the power of a fully drunkenated Smitty?
Wombat_socho
January 6th, 2015 @ 4:30 pm

Reminds me of the (undeservedly obscure) Duck’s Breath Theater bit “Caffeine Zombie”.
Wombat_socho
January 6th, 2015 @ 4:31 pm

Pretty sure that’s not what the problem is down there.
FMJRA 2.0: Pretty Pink Rose : The Other McCain
January 11th, 2015 @ 5:06 pm

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