Dear ‘Nice Guys’

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While scrolling through Feminist Tumblr today — yes, I read that crap, so you don’t have to — I read yet another denunciation of “nice guys,” which is actually a feminist synonym for loser, particularly a clueless loser who doesn’t know why he keeps losing. In order to rationalize his lack of romantic success, the Nice Guy complains that girls (particularly the good-looking ones he would like to be with) don’t like Nice Guys, a category to which he assigns himself. Instead, according to the Nice Guy, good-looking girls always date jerks, which is a category to which the Nice Guy assigns any guy who is actually dating a good-looking girl.

Now, I despise feminism, and I cannot be accused of sympathizing with these evil hate-mongering women on Tumblr, but young men are not helping matters by saying stupid things that give feminists an excuse to point and laugh: “Hahahaha! Men are such clueless losers!”

Get your act together, and stop blaming women for your problems. Your rationalization is the mirror-reverse of feminist thinking. That is to say, unhappy women don’t want to take responsibility for their own unhappiness, and therefore accept the feminist rationalization that “patriarchy” is the source of their problems: “Blame men!”

This is scapegoating, OK? Don’t be like that. Take responsibility, accept your own shortcomings, and learn to deal with life as it is.

Women don’t always go for jerks. A more logical explanation is that guys who are successful with women often act like jerks, because . . .

Well, if he’s the kind of guy who is naturally successful with women, and he’s never had a shortage of high-quality female companionship, why should he bother making any effort to be considerate?

However, let’s ask, what kind of guys do women really like?

Tall, handsome, rich, muscular — yeah, if a guy’s got the physique of a champion athlete, the looks of a movie star, and the bank account of a successful software developer, he’s not going to be lonely.

What women actually like about guys is not a secret, and if you’re not successful with women, obviously, you’re not an NBA All-Star. A comparatively small number of men — let’s say, the top 15% in terms of overall attractiveness — sail through life without ever worrying about their “game,” as the pickup artists (PUAs) call it. Those guys have had their pick of girlfriends since middle school and, while they might suffer heartbreaks along the way, it’s not like they’re going to have trouble finding a new girlfriend if their current relationship doesn’t work out.

OK, does the natural-born winner act like a jerk? Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t, but the point is, it doesn’t matter how he acts. He’s got what the ladies like, and he does not need to condescend to them in order to attract companionship. So, yes, seen from your perspective as a clueless loser, the winner may seem selfish, cruel and insensitive. However, his rudeness is not why he’s winning and you’re losing, and your Nice Guy rationalizations are never going to change the score of that game.

How ‘Pick-Up Artist’ Philosophy and Its More Misogynist
Backlash Shaped Mind of Alleged Killer Elliot Rodger

That was Amanda Marcotte’s deranged reaction to the May 2014 Isla Vista murder spree committed by a creepy little weirdo who, in his own twisted mind, considered himself the “supreme gentleman.” As I said at the time, this incident in California became a cultural Rashomon, where everybody with access to a computer seemed to feel obliged to share their own interpretation of why the creepy little weirdo was so creepy and weird. In his 141-page “manifesto,” the creepy little weirdo mentioned a girl, the sister of a classmate, on whom he had developed a crush in middle school. This elicited an angry response:

The woman’s father said it was Saturday morning when his 20-year-old daughter realized Rodger had made her part of his sick story.
“She’s devastated by this,” the dad said in a phone interview. “She doesn’t even remember this guy. . . . She’s always been the most delicate kid you’d ever want to meet. For him to call her a bully, this kid was really disillusioned.
“She was 10 years old,” the dad added. “He was two years older than her. He was in my son’s class. She was in the seventh grade and he was in eighth grade. . . . Can you imagine a 10-year-old kid bullying a 12-year-old? This little, petite girl bullying him?”
In his screed, Rodger called his crush an “evil bitch” who “teased and ridiculed” him and “wounded me deeply.”

Elliot Rodger, the “supreme gentleman,” i.e., Nice Guy.

 

One of the weirdest things about Elliot Rodger’s twisted worldview was his fetishistic obsession with blondes. His father was British and his mother was Malaysian. Could we speculate that his fixation on blonde girls was symptomatic of some kind of weird alienation, rooted in insecurity about his mixed ethnic background? What did blonde girls symbolize in his deranged mind? But who can explain madness?

It is usually a mistake to generalize from the example of psycho killers. For example, Lee Harvey Oswald was a Marxist and an assassin; should we start rounding up Marxists? Jeffrey Dahmer was a gay man and a murderous cannibal; should we start rounding up gays? Ted Kaczynski was a Harvard graduate and a terrorist bomber; should we start rounding up Harvard graduates? People who commit horrific crimes can be categorized any number of ways, but the key point is that very few people commit horrific crimes. There are probably quite a few gay Marxists at Harvard, none of whom are mass murderers.

What Elliot Rodger represents is not “misogyny,” but rather how certain patterns of thinking can trap people inside their own failures. If everything wrong in your life is always explained away as somebody else’s fault — if you rationalize your failures by scapegoating others — you have thrown away every tool with which you can solve your problems.

You are your own problem. Nobody else is responsible for whatever personal inadequacy or bad choices explains why you keep failing. Even if you can point to someone who clearly did you wrong, guess what? There’s a long line at the Complaint Desk at Social Justice Wal-Mart, and it’s a waste of time worrying about it. You think you have problems?

After Anal Rape, Left Wing Activist
Felt ‘Guilt And Responsibility’
His Migrant Attacker Was Deported

Hey, at least you didn’t get raped by a Somali refugee. So you’ve got that much going for you. The key to happiness is lowering expectations, so that merely being adequate counts as success. If nothing particularly dreadful happened to you today, that’s a win, see? You got in your car, drove to work, finished your shift, and drove back home. Think of all the terrible things that didn’t happen. You didn’t get flattened by an out-of-control semi truck and die in fiery crash. You didn’t get carjacked by a psychotic crackhead. You didn’t get fired from your job or evicted from your apartment. You’re a winner, man. Well, what about the fact that you’re living alone, eating microwave burritos and have zero luck with the ladies?

Find an angle, my friend. Improve your fitness, hit the gym, do something about your wardrobe and grooming. You are your own problem, and the thing about having zero luck is, you don’t have to improve by much in order to improve infinitely — that’s the difference between zero and one. There are more than 3.5 billion females on the planet and how completely wretched are you, if you can’t find one who would be interested in you? Somewhere in the mountains of Peru or Pakistan, for all you know, there’s a lonely woman in a hut who wishes she could live in a neat little apartment and cook frozen burritos in a microwave.

Get your act together, young man. Solve your own problems and stop blaming women for your problems. It’s not their fault you’re a loser. Here you are in the 21st century, the beneficiary of 7,000 years of successful patriarchal world domination, and you can’t find a woman?

Boy, you’re letting down the team. You think keeping women oppressed is easy? Maintaining hegemonic male supremacy takes teamwork.

The secret — and don’t worry, I’m not disclosing anything the feminists haven’t already figured out — is monogamous pair-bonding. Each man has to find exactly one woman and close the deal. Happily ever after, ’til death do you part, the whole package. Unfortunately, some guys don’t have the kind of team spirit necessary to victory. They want to “play the field,” or cheat on their wives, or in some other way deviate from the time-tested formula for patriarchal success. Consequently, there has been an increase in chaos and misery, and therefore . . . feminism.

“I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us no matter what we do. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing.”
— Ronald Reagan, 1981

That, my young friends, is the way a winner thinks. You do not have to accept as inevitable some sort of gloom-and-doom forecast of decline (“The Future of Men: Masculinity in the Twenty-First Century”), no matter what any “expert” tells you about social trends. Whatever the current trend may be, winners win, and losers lose.

Don’t complain about losing, young man. Some guys who think they’re “winners” made the mistake of having sex with feminists, and got herpes.

This is another reason to consider yourself a winner, see? You didn’t have sex with a feminist and thereby avoided an incurable viral disease.

Never have sex with a feminist. You’re better off being alone.

 

117 comments

  3. As for Karsten Nordal Hauken, he shows that liberalism is a mental disorder. Either that or he’s feeling guilty he falsely accused some Somali because Karsten was “curious” or what ever they call letting a man do that to another male but pretending he’s not homosexual.

    Vikings weep in Valhalla over what Sweden has become.

  5. Little gay Johnny asks Billy, “If you went camping and woke up with butt sore, would you tell anyone? Billy says, “No way, that’d be embarrassing.” Johnny then asks, “Wanna go camping?”

  7. ?According to a “Recovering Nice Guy” writing on Craigslist, the female preference for jerks and “assholes,” as they’re also widely known, lies behind women’s age-old lament, “What happened to all the nice guys?” His answer: “You did. You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy.” Women, he says, are actually not attracted to men who hold doors for them, give them hinted-for Christmas gifts, or listen to their sorrows. Such a man, our Recovering Nice Guy continues, probably “came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.”?
    — Love in the Time of Darwinism

    Worth reading.

  8. When I was at the Washington Times, the newsroom motto was, “When in doubt, blame McCain.”

  9. Worth repeating: Modern progressivism is a series of excuses for infantilized adults who habitually make bad life choices and wish to live without any internal guilt or external shame for their actions and wish to continue their self-destructive behaviors without stigma or any requirement for responsibility or self-awareness.

  10. That is only half right Neo. Women appreciate gentlemen, but there should be an emphasis on the “men” part. There is a big difference. Women want to feel protected, that is the primary instinct that drives them to find a partner.

    A jerk is still better than a pansy guy. A real man beats out a jerk. There are women who are damaged goods and look for partners that are no good for them, but the reciprocal is also true for a lot of guys.

  11. True.

    But I thought the article was interesting in this context.

    I don’t agree with RSM on some things.

    I absolutely agree that the “beta” and “gamma” males bring most of it on themselves. And I agree that certain feminists exploit that.

  12. “For example, Lee Harvey Oswald was a Marxist and an assassin; should we start rounding up Marxists? Jeffrey Dahmer was a gay man and a murderous cannibal; should we start rounding up gays? Ted Kaczynski was a Harvard graduate and a terrorist bomber; should we start rounding up Harvard graduates?”

    Would it hurt to try?

  13. I still haven’t gotten over the fact that these young women are publicizing that fact that they have STDs.

  14. I spent my youth as a “nice guy” who endlessly complained that pretty (and seemingly smart) girls were interested in mean brutes.

    Looking back, I can see that I wasn’t so much a nice guy as I was a jittery, sloppy, awkward, inept buffoon who simply didn’t have his sh!t together.

    I made Woody Allen look like Harrison Ford. Those girls were right not to date me. They were throwing me a challenge and I wasn’t meeting it. I would just accuse them of foolishness, then continue being jittery, sloppy, awkward and inept.

  21. For some women gentlemanly behavior is icing on the asshole cake. For other women asshole behavior is icing on the gentlemanly cake. An intelligent man learns how to fine tune his natural tendencies for optimal results.

  23. 1952: Lucille Ball is with child, can’t use the word “pregnant” on TV.
    2016: After Anal Rape, Left Wing Activist Felt ‘Guilt And Responsibility’ His Migrant Attacker Was Deported

  24. A good read. She made a great point with the quote at the end. She should have developed that thought further.

    In traditional Western culture, women’s sexuality was restricted with hard nosed expectations of premarital chastity. Consequently, an average rule-abiding schlub had a fighting chance.

    Now that women have unregulated access to the alphas and assholes they crave, how can the men at the 50th percentile and below compete?

    Bear in mind that an asshole can meet the needs of more than one woman.

  25. It was a pretty good point, wasn’t it?

    My personal beliefs on sexuality will raise hackles here, so I won’t spend much time on it on this thread.

    I do believe that sex should happen only between consenting adults. And if you promised to be someone’s “one and only,” honor demands that you do exactly that.

    What should the average guy do? The same thing that has been done for thousands of years. Work harder. That’s part of the biology too.

  26. I think this oversimplifies the ‘nice guy’ thing. After all, Tim Tebow is a ‘nice guy’ who has trouble with women…but can we really call him a ‘loser’? Perhaps if you are a New York Jets fan, but I digress…

    ‘Nice guys’ and ‘losers’ are two different species. I’ve known plenty of losers who are anything but nice guys to women. I’ve also seen too many–far too many–/winners/ in society that are hopeless ‘nice guys’ who have absolutely no success with women.

    The problem isn’t that the ‘nice guys’ aren’t “Tall, handsome, rich, muscular.” In truth, most of the ‘nice guys’ I’ve seen growing up /were/ these tall, handsome guys. And when I see my students today, it’s still true.

    Some were rich, but if they were not rich, they were solidly middle class with good educations. A lot were military guys. Guys who went to church. Guys who were, by your standard, one of those 15%. And everyone (including girls) were /clueless/ as to why they are so lonely all the time.

    The fact that the girls were ‘clueless’, /yet would not date them themselves/ deserves some consideration.

    These ‘nice guys’ were respectful towards women in that old-fashioned way. And the women /really did/ appreciate them, when they would drive them somewhere, when they would listen to them on the phone at all hours and when they would help them out of a jam. These ‘nice guys’ were perfect gentlemen; when she was drunk and called him up, he wouldn’t take advantage of her. When she needed someone to talk to when her boyfriend had a fight with her, the ‘nice guy’ was there to listen to her.

    So why is the girl dating the stoner who is in a band, constantly putting her in positions where she needs to be ‘bailed out’, and not with ‘nice guy’ who can ‘protect her’? Why does she take such offense when ‘nice guy’ wants to kiss her? Or why does she get mad when he asks her why she always picks these losers instead of him?

    It’s because today’s girl in her teens and twenties wants different things than what ‘nice guy’ has on offer. The girl wants to go out all night. The girl wants emotional ups and downs, just so she can feel something intensely. The girl wants some measure of danger and recklessness.

    Blame feminism and the sad state of our culture for this desire, but I’m sure you aren’t so old that you have forgotten how “sex, drugs and rock & roll” is an aphrodisiac, Stacy. /That’s/ what a young girl wants at her age.

    The things that make ‘nice guy’ one of the top 15% (in your estimation) make him /boring/, /corny/ and /un-sexy/. Nice guy doesn’t experiment with drugs; he takes care of his body. Nice guy doesn’t flirt with crime; he cares about his future. Nice guy doesn’t party; he’s too busy going to church, practicing on the field, lifting in the weightroom, volunteering his time, working at his job, and sleeping in his bed at a decent hour to be ‘interesting’ in the kind of way the edgy stoner with the tattoos is interesting.

    Now, is “interesting, edgy guy” the /best/ thing for the girl? Probably not. Even the girls themselves will admit this. But it’s what they want at the time, and ‘nice guy’ just has to deal with it as best as he can.

    Often, this will take the form of an impassioned rebuke along the lines of, “look at how good I am to you, look at how devoted I am to you, look at how many favors and companionship I have given you–that you willingly accepted and adore–and yet you choose edgy stoner guy over me every time!”

    And, you know, he’s /right/. Deep down, the feminists and the women who hate ‘nice guys’, I think, know he’s right. And /that’s/ why I think they condemn ‘nice guys’ so much. They don’t condemn them because they are creepy losers (unless they are trying to lump those 15% in with the losers, like Elliot Roger, just to make a point).

    They condemn ‘nice guys’ because a true, honest to goodness ‘nice guy’ (and not a psychotic like Elliot Roger) exposes the lack of empathy and the lack of simple, good manners on the part of many young women today towards good natured, naiive young men; guys that are, truly, NICE, but are simply too chivalrous and caring towards women who, quite frankly, don’t deserve it.

  27. Our kind host has not only a wife but also daughters, and is limited in how much he can talk about the Female Imperative, since the last thing any sane father would want is to give his daughters’ suitors an advantage in understanding them.

  30. Yeah, for some reason not many women find the whole “You just don’t like nice guys and I’m a nice guuuuuuy…” whining appealing.

  31. I expect that the price for having sex with a feminist is far too steep for anyone with any self respect.

    I mean, anyone who wants to keep that self respect anyway.

  32. I, for one, believe your comment is spot-on. As you suggest, it is a question of defining the terms we’re discussing, in this case the phrase, “nice guy.”

    I would also say, however, that part of the problem for the decent men you describe is that they are searching for a mate in the wrong places. The women who seek the “dangerous” males are certainly on display at any bar, wearing the latest fashion and “eff-me” heels. The women who make suitable wives and mothers, however, are found at church.

    Aside: Based upon my admittedly anecdotal observations, I have concluded that those girls in high school who were the “hottest” but failed to acknowledge my existence, are the ones who wound up ballooning to space-time-warping proportions in the decades since graduation. The girls no paid attention to, however, improved significantly and made a lot of men at the H.S. reunion feel stupid for ignoring them.

    Just sayin’.

  35. All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
    I like watching the puddles gather rain
    And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
    And speak my point of view, but it’s not sane
    It’s not sane

    I just want someone to say to me
    “I’ll always be there when you wake”
    You know I’d like to keep my cheeks dry today
    So stay with me and I’ll have it made.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qVPNONdF58

  36. Its not scapegoating when you realize a fact about society, or human nature, and then decide to deal with it anyways. Its delusional when you think all problems are your own.

    Teaching men that women are messed up in the head is a good first lesson.

  39. Eeyup. I want men to hold doors, pull out chairs for me, take my arm while I’m walking so I don’t break my neck on those damn fashionable stilts I’m walking on.

    And if you can’t do that, you’re not good enough for me. A girl’s gotta have standards.

  41. I’m serious here: if someone put together a database of names with all these idiotic admissions, and created an iOS app, it would be one of the most downloaded apps in the app store.

  42. “I made Woody Allen look like Harrison Ford.”

    Oh, come on. I can’t imagine you being THAT bad. Woody Allen? You’re being too hard on yourself.

  43. My dad used to arrange to be cleaning his guns whenever guys would come to pick me up for a date. And my dad was a motorcycle mechanic, working with young mechanics. He told them I was 13 when I was 16 so they didn’t get any ideas. I had plenty of ideas, but this was discouraged.

  44. I noticed the same thing with the guys at my HS reunion.

    Funny thing is, I was quite pretty in HS, but ignored because I was (I now realize) a born engineer. I built things in my garage instead of going to dances, for instance. Later, at reunions, “born engineer” turned out to be an exciting thing evidently, because I sure became popular.

  45. Women aren’t messed up in the head. That’s a load of crap.

    And when anyone has problems, those are things that he OR she needs to deal with, rather than wringing his/her hands while blaming others.

  46. Next? The “no slut shaming” principle has already gone far beyond the “STD pride” iteration.

    “No slut shaming” means one is not allowed to even judge anything that involves the sexual action and choices of any female, even if those actions and choices have wide-ranging harmful consequences for other people.

    If a woman cheats on and exploits droves of men, we are not supposed to judge that, because that would be “slut shaming.” She’s just “owning” her sexuality, or her deceptions and infidelity are some justified response to patriarchal oppression, or something. And the men she is using are probably just abusers and rapists who had it coming.

    If a woman cuckolds a man and tricks him into accepting another man’s offspring as his own, we are not supposed to judge that, because that too would be “slut-shaming.” If a man gets mad that his wife gets pregnant by another man, that is “slut shaming.”

    If some woman tells you her offspring is yours, you’re obliged to take her at her word, no questions asked, because that would be “slut-shaming.”

    And besides, this preference of men to want to only care for their biological offspring is just some sexist, primitive, tribal, racist relic predicated on the idea that they “own” a woman’s sexuality. In our enlightened age, women “own” their own sexuality, which really means that any men in her proximity are obliged to shoulder the burdens and consequences of her sexuality, should she decide that they’re “nice” enough to get stuck with it. And if there aren’t any such “nice” men available, there is always the welfare state.

  47. It’s amazing how it simply doesn’t get the job done.

    And it’s amazing how long it took me to figure that out.

  48. Also, liberal and homosexual advocacy groups lobby against laws which punish people who deliberately infect others with HIV. Because such laws oppress people by suggesting that having HIV is a bad thing and “discriminates” and “stigmatizes” people with the disease.

    http://www.hrc.org/resources/repeal-existing-policies-that-encourage-and-allow-legal-repeal-hiv-discrimi

    And, if people refuse to have sex with somebody because that person has HIV, that counts as ignorance and discrimination too. How’s that for STD pride?

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/patrickstrudwick/this-hiv-positive-guy-gave-the-perfect-slapdown-to-someone-w#.jl38KElYw

  49. I remember a cartoon where one character says to another: “You had a terrible day today, why are you smiling?”

    The other responded: “Because the day is over, and I’m still here, so that means I win!”

    In a similar vein, I have a friend that likes to say “Any day that you finish above ground is a good day.”

  50. That’s probably why “pozzed” now means having a head full of progressive beliefs that just ain’t so, when it originally meant HIV+.

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