The Despicable David Brooks

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Once upon a time, David Brooks Fisking Day was celebrated here every Tuesday. The New York Times‘ token “conservative” column was so predictably wrong about nearly everything — his political instincts are so bad — that I had to lash him around every week just to relieve my system of the excess bile generated by reading his pretentious bulls–t. At least twice, circa 2007-2008, I walked out of events where Brooks spoke; the experience of being in the same room with him was intolerable. Once, a fews years ago, I found myself in a discussion with Jonah Goldberg as to which New York Times columnist was worse, David Brooks or Thomas Friedman. Goldberg insisted Friedman was worse than Brooks, and I suppose it’s a matter of opinion, but in my opinion, Goldberg is wrong. Friedman may be demonic, but David Brooks is Satan.

“Brooks should never be argued with — he should be mocked, and often, and by someone who knows how.”

Why do I hate David Brooks so much? Because I am a populist, a Jacksonian who believes that the American people deserve a government that serves their interests, and not the interests of a decadent elite. All elites eventually become decadent and corrupt. This is what history teaches, and our country is being ruined by the sort of people David Brooks rubs elbows with during his annual pilgrimages to Davos, deracinated cosmopolitans with no loyalty to anything, devoted to no principle except the increase of their own wealth, status and power. The comprehensive wrongness of David Brooks eventually became so glaringly apparent — about the time he expressed his admiration of Barack Obama’s pants creases — that everyone realized he is Satan. Once his diabolical wrongness was universally acknowledged, everybody with a blog got in on the Brooks-fisking game, and I lost interest in the sport. Nowadays, it takes a really spectacular exercise in Brooksian douchebaggery to get my attention, and he delivered such a specimen earlier this week:

Donald Trump now looks set to be the Republican presidential nominee. So for those of us appalled by this prospect — what are we supposed to do?
Well, not what the leaders of the Republican Party are doing. They’re going down meekly and hoping for a quiet convention. They seem blithely unaware that this is a Joe McCarthy moment. People will be judged by where they stood at this time. Those who walked with Trump will be tainted forever after for the degradation of standards and the general election slaughter. . . .

OK, let me interrupt this to make an important announcement. I hadn’t been planning to do this, but I now officially endorse Donald Trump.

If David Brooks hates Donald Trump, then it is my duty as a patriotic American to love Donald Trump. And if David Brooks says the fall election will be a “slaughter” for Republicans, this means Trump will win. And now let’s return to the total wrongness of David Brooks:

The suicide rate has surged to a 30-year high — a sure sign of rampant social isolation. . . .

(No, the high suicide rate is caused by the existential despair of Americans who understand that Barack Obama has destroyed their country.)

A record number of Americans believe the American dream is out of reach. And for millennials, social trust is at historic lows.
Trump’s success grew out of that pain, but he is not the right response to it. The job for the rest of us is to figure out the right response. . . .

(Who is “the rest of us,” Mr. Brooks?  Clueless douchebags on Pinch Sulzberger’s payroll? The people you hang out with in Davos?)

I was surprised by Trump’s success because I’ve slipped into a bad pattern, spending large chunks of my life in the bourgeois strata — in professional circles with people with similar status and demographics to my own.

(Which is to say, clueless douchebags.)

It takes an act of will to rip yourself out of that and go where you feel least comfortable. But this column is going to try to do that over the next months and years. We all have some responsibility to do one activity that leaps across the chasms of segmentation that afflict this country. . . .
Up until now, America’s story has been some version of the rags-to-riches story, the lone individual who rises from the bottom through pluck and work. But that story isn’t working for people anymore, especially for people who think the system is rigged. . . .
We’ll probably need a new definition of masculinity, too. There are many groups in society who have lost an empire but not yet found a role. Men are the largest of those groups. The traditional masculine ideal isn’t working anymore. It leads to high dropout rates, high incarceration rates, low labor force participation rates. This is an economy that rewards emotional connection and verbal expressiveness. Everywhere you see men imprisoned by the old reticent, stoical ideal.

You can read the rest, but I must warn you that reading David Brooks columns can lead to existential despair and suicide. Honestly, I’d rather read Third Wave feminist theory textbooks. At least feminists are honest about hating men, hating America, hating God and everything else.

What is so despicable about David Brooks is his condescending attitude, his insuperable conviction that he is better than the rest of us, more intelligent and sensitive — all that “emotional connection and verbal expression,” you see. And as he departs on his tour of the American hinterlands, ripping himself out of the “bourgeois strata” to leap across “the chasms of segmentation,” I hope David Brooks gets what he deserves, namely to be beaten to a bloody pulp by a tattooed redneck.

This would be a triumph of social justice, really and it’s not hard to imagine how it would happen, either. Probably at a Waffle House.

“Hey, buddy, you look kinda familiar,” says the truck driver, while he’s paying at the cash register. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

“You’ve probably seen me on Meet the Press or PBS Newshour,” says Brooks, who has been sitting at the counter, studying the menu and wondering why there’s no espresso. “My name’s David Brooks.”

“Well, doggone it, I thought so,” laughs the trucker. “I was just thinking to myself, that fellow looks like he writes for New York Times.”

“Thanks,” says Brooks, taking this as a compliment.

“So I guess you’re out here covering the election?” asks the trucker.

“No, actually, I’ve decided to leap across the chasms of segmentation that afflict this country, to mingle with the common folks in an effort to discover why men are imprisoned by a stoical ideal.”

“Oh, really?” says the trucker. And after listening patiently to Brooks prattle on about his ideas, the trucker will gesture toward the parking lot. “You ought to come take a look at my truck. It’s a fine one.”

After he accepts this invitation, David Brooks will probably be surprised to discover that his tour of the parking lot includes an old-fashioned stoical ass-whupping, and maybe the trucker will be prosecuted for assault, but really, who could pass up such an opportunity?

Oh, there’s a reason I always walked out a room whenever David Brooks walked in. Restraining my Jacksonian populist urges requires conscious effort sometimes, and it’s best not to risk an assault charge.

Look what he’s made me do here. I’ve endorsed Trump for pure spite. The worst thing David Brooks can imagine is Donald Trump winning the Republican nomination, but what would be worse for Brooks — what he cannot even imagine — is for Donald Trump to be elected president.

Let us rekindle our Jacksonian spirit, America. Let us ignore the advice of David Brooks and ask ourselves, “What would Old Hickory do?”

If we cannot punch David Brooks in the nose — and I apologize to my readers for having passed up the chance when I had it — then what can we do to fulfill our duty to our children and to our nation’s future? How can we avenge the numerous insults that David Brooks has heaped upon us? How can we escape the condemnation of future generations if, knowing that we had a moral obligation to do the exact opposite of whatever David Brooks said we should do, we did not do it? Our honor is at stake, you see.

David Brooks, a foul stain on the history of American journalism, has thrown down the gauntlet and challenged us to prove him wrong. He has predicted “general election slaughter” for Republicans as a consequence of Donald Trump winning the GOP primary campaign, and declared: “People will be judged by where they stood at this time.” Will people stand with David Brooks? Will people join this supercilious punk in his determination to see Hillary Clinton elected? God forbid!

However crazy it seems, we cannot say it is impossible for Donald Trump to be elected president, and if it is possible to elect Trump, then we are obliged to do all we can to make this happen, if only because a victory for Donald Trump would be a defeat for David Brooks.

Don’t blame me for this. Blame David Brooks. And, also, Satan.

But I repeat myself.





 


264 comments

  3. “If we must have an enemy at the head of government, let it be one whom we can oppose and for whom we are not responsible”

    -Alexander Hamilton

  4. Question open to the group:
    If I see Brooks here… at a waffle house or Chuck?A?Rama™, and whilest following behind him down the handicap ramp, the gearing on my chair “accidentally” slips into neutral– causing me to “accidentally” run him down– would anyone be kind enough to post my bail?

    As for going off of TOMc, to where Brock posts those “gems” he writes and reading the rest of his article… reading “Brock pieces” always produces an almost irresistible urge to repeatedly ram my chair, at top speed, into the garage wall.

    In fact, I had to stop reading them— slamming my chair at flank speed into a wall always upset my dogs. No one should be needlessly cruel to their dogs! ;~)?

  5. Hell, I’ll do more than post your bail, I’ll swear on a stack of Bibles that you were helping me at the soup kitchen, teaching poor inner city kids to read. At choir practice.

  6. We’re already long past the point the problems could be fixed at the ballot box. That point was before I was even born. We’ve been building to the denouement for the last 60 years, and it will not be pretty. The USA will not survive it and I expect it within the next 4 years.

  7. The choice is the fuel truck at 70mph as opposed to 150mph. The outcome will be little different either way.

  8. In that scenario I would seriously consider crossing the aisle and voting for Sanders. I think Congress would balk at him turning us into Venezuela. They wouldn’t lift a finger to block Hillary doing it, because that would be sexist and more of that War on Women.

  9. After Reagan managed to slip through, the GOPe changed things around to make it even harder to slip another one through.

    I understand the why of Trump, but watching his supporters, and Trump’s changing positions, I’ve been totally turned off of the man.

  12. You know, you have brought up Deadpool several times. I am halfway inclined to check it out.

    The biggest obstacle to me doing that is the Gawdawful picture Amazon Prime has on my screen, of him doing the Burt Reynolds pose from Cosmopolitan back in the Seventies. Just seeing that posture brings the bile up to the back of my throat.

    Maybe I’ll write in Raylon Givens.

  17. I think they’ll both be disastrous. At this point, it won’t matter who gets in, the country is toast and we’re just talking about rearranging the deck chairs on the Lusitania.

  18. Hillary isn’t inevitable. Indiana seems to have thrown a wrench in their gear box. Or, at least, some think so. Given what is happening with the server mess, I’m hearing a number of the sooper delegates are also having serious questions about her. Since he’s the only alternative to her….

  19. Trump pushed this birther bullshit the whole campaign then today says he’d consider Cruz as VP.

    What. The. Fuck.

    Either Trump doesn’t know the requirements for VP are the same as for the President, or he’s just admitted he’s been completely bullshitting his supporters about Cruz all along.

    Or, both.

  20. Cook’s Report has now moved Nebraska to Toss-Up status.

    So don’t insult my intelligence by pretending it’s just Utah.

    I was born at night, but it wasn’t last night.

  21. Captain America dropped out of the race, so no we can’t. I’d much rather see Sanders elected than Hillary. At least he wouldn’t sell our national security for payments to the Clinton Foundation. He’d also deliver a graphic illustration, or at least try, of the pitfalls of socialism. As opposed to Hillary’s stealth version in the great tradition of the Democratic Party.

  25. Yeah, Captain America did drop out, didn’t he? I got a recorded message from him today talking about that…and ending with “God bless America”. How often do you hear that phrase anymore?

    Re: Sanders, you have a point. Also, if elected, he could very well end up impeached – by leftists – once they find out what Socialism really means (see: Venezuela, Cuba, et al). Or die in office, given his advanced age, or involuntarily be forced to leave office, given his mental state (or lack of).

  26. Yeah, that sums it up.

    Won’t vote Hitlery (or Mr. Venezuela or any other Donk), but don’t want to join the online Trumpenproletariat riots either. Nor will I stay at home on election day

    Remember that Simpsons episode with Kang and Kodos replacing Clinton and Dole?

    https://imgur.com/lrzI5Ql.jpg

  27. My henchmen (or henchwomen) will wear the full camo suit. I plan on a tasteful post apocalyptic outfit of scavenged armor constructed from road signs and old tires.

    Oh, and spikes. Gotta have spikes.

  28. Never mind the Burt* thing, the movie is funny. But kinda filthy, too. (I know I shouldn’t have enjoyed it, but I have to confess that I did anyway). There’s nekkid lady bewbs and heinies too, so there’s something in it for you, and the rest of the pervs here, lol. Comes out on DVD May 10, which I know because I ordered it from Amazon, and they’re delivering it that day.

    * I met Burt Reynolds once (he was dressed though). He’s a lot shorter than you’d think.

  29. This was little too funny not to share.

    Trump needs to get a running mate.
    Someone who knows the ins and outs of the oval office, someone familiar with the smell of cigar smoke and secrets. Someone female, but sympathetic..

    #MonicaLewinskiforVeep

    If the election is going to be a circus, it may as well be as entertaining as possible.

  30. So first you hit me with the Bewitched theme, and now you get me with Dairy Queen. I haven’t been there in a coon’s age, but now I want one of those peanut Buster sundae things. But there ain’t no DQ in my town.

    I hope that all your breeding wimminz turn out to be feminists, just for that. Although, lots of ammo and especially a camo hat means for sure you’re totally prepared for any kind of apocalypse scenario.

  31. “She is actually campaigning against the things her husband did that were successful.”

    Because she hates him as much as she hates us, and would throw him under the bus in a New York minute if it would gain her a single dollar.

  33. Utah is a weird outlier. I wouldn’t worry about it. I’d worry more about the continued presence of 10-15 million illegals taking jobs, suppressing wages and enriching Mexico at our expense. Trump’s in. Worrying about him being nominated makes no sense.

  34. Because squishes control the media. And since the country is majority lazy and stupid, most won’t take 5 minutes out of their busy TV schedule to do a little research and fact-checking in the alternative media, nor do they understand how propaganda works, which is why they watch TV to begin with. That’s also why there’s so many squishes, progressives and other derps who can’t name a single policy their candidate supports or not.

  38. I expect that feminism will not survive the apocalypse.

    Seriously, can you see TrigglyPuff or Zoe Quinn managing a Lord of the Flies scenario?

    By the way, there is a DQ about twelve miles down the Hood Canal from me. You could hang out, I promise no breeding or toiling for you.

    Can you shoot?

  39. Right now it’s a slow motion race as both Hillary and Trump slouch towards Bethlehem.

    So if you can’t find fun in the imminent End Of The World As We Know It, you’re going to have a long grim slog.

  40. So far she thinks she needs him, and with good reason. Bill is a natural politician, while she has to work hard at it just to be a horrible one.

  41. I don’t have time to scroll through all the comments, so if someone has posted similar thoughts, I apologize.

    It seems to me that Trump is the (nominally) Republican analog to BHO in 2008. In spite of a zillion years of accumulated evidence about his positions and his actual behavior, people are imposing their own views upon him, because they are very pissed off and desperately desire some sort of change. He has become all things to all people.

    The question is whether this has been deliberate on his part. Darleen Click at Protein Wisdom postulates that he is, in fact, a stalking horse for Hillary and frankly, it’s a less outlandish theory than some of the actual facts we know to be true. Consider, we are in the midst of an era where there are people willing to vote for a socialist, or someone who demonstrably has sold national security in exchange for monetary contributions to her family’s “foundation” or a New York buffoon.

    I said on these pages some months ago that my best hope for this election cycle and our republic was that we’d elect the presidential equivalent of Josiah, the last good king of Judah before the Babylonian captivity. Now, I don’t even have that hope.

  42. Yeah, but Walls, I think we can look at his character and make some fairly accurate assumptions. “By their fruits you will know them” works on everyone, without exception. With Hillary, it’s easy, given that her motives and intentions have always been transparent. Trump too, when you look at the nature of his frequent policy flip-flops, as well as his prior relationship with the Clintons, which seems to be much more than simply cordial. Even if you were a rich guy and presumptive businessman, would you have EVER forked over dollar one to the Clinton Foundation? Me, either.

    To me, the litmus test is the ACA, the most blatantly unConstitutional piece of crap-legislation ever devised by political satanic minions. This was what I used to decide how to vote:

    Paraphrasing:
    Captain America: “Full repeal, day one.” (Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner.)
    Cankles: “Expand it.” (I won’t be satisfied until the middle class has a 70% tax rate.)
    Sanders: “Expand it.” (I won’t stop until the entire country is on fire. Burn, baby, burn!)
    Trump, earlier comment: “It’s yuge! Love it! Works great in Scotland!” (Lol, wut?)
    Trump, later comment: “Maybe not the ACA, but something exactly like it.” (Lol, wut?)

  43. That Trump as stalking horse for Hillary position has been kicked around since the beginning, and personally, I believe it, and said as much before. The success of the head fake would also mean that Trump is not as dumb as he acts, which I also believe could be true.

    Re: Josiah. Maybe Reagan was the Josiah? And since that time, we’ve been spinning out of control, depravity- and corruption-wise, possibly leading up to the person who will lead the country into destruction; and possibly right up to the “time of Jacob’s trouble”. Or into it, if the country survives.

  45. So as a working definition we have:

    a) Have a wienie
    b) Don’t be David Brooks

    Yeah, I could go with that for the time being. We can tweak it a bit.

  46. At this point I’m not giving a rodent’s rootie-patootie for any polls. The ones that are not biased and corrupt appear to be wrong. They’re asking the wrong questions or something.

  47. I saw a mock Hillary poster that said “I’m voting for Monica Lewinsky’s boyfriend’s wife.”

  48. OH YEAH, BABY, I can shoot – guns AND bows (recurve, compound and crossbow). My mom and dad taught us well. When I was a kid, I was taught to sew, to spin, to weave, to grow food – vegetables and animals – how to companion plant, how to grow and use medicinal herbs (and not the one that everyone assumes!), how to reload, how to clean my guns, how to set traps, how to filter water, how to properly clean and stitch a wound. I know lotsa cool stuff.

    Not only can I not imagine Trigglypuff or Zoe Quinn managing a Lord of the Flies scenario, I can’t even imagine them managing a no-Starbucks scenario. Not just them, but every millenial and urban warrior.

  49. I haven’t read a single credible argument stating how Hillary is in any way superior to Trump. She is clearly, if only due to more opportunity. less trustworthy as well as more imoral in every sense of that term. One example: Even though Trump has expressed a certain level of admiration for the work Planned Parenthood does aside from abortions do you believe he’d veto a spending bill that striped PP of funding. Is there any doubt that Hillary would. It’s not simply a matter of what either one believes but much more importantly what would they actually do. Should a principled atheist be able to vote for a creationist beleiving evangelical if they pledge not to repeal evolution?
    I’ve yet to read a single rational reason to believe that Trump would do more damage to us as president than Hillary. Bear in mind that the premise that a greater possibility of political unrest, as in violence, under Trump is a good outcome.

  50. Subconsciously I think people want someone who will bring accountability back to the government and public service.

    And the bloke who built a TV personality out of going “Your’e FIRED” fits the bill.

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