Category: Farce

by Smitty (h/t Digg)

As someone who has trouble with drinking coffee without addiction, resulting in minor flu-like symptoms upon withdrawal, the notion that people cede any liberty to chemicals is weird. Sure, nicotine doesn’t affect the conscious that much, but still. And drunkenness lost its appeal over a decade ago.
Beyond the drugs that are old and minor enough to be acceptable to many are those more potent and addictive. The military has mandatory annual training concerning drugs. We go online to find out what people mainline these days. One feels old to read about what strange new experiments in illegal autobiochemical manipulation are afoot.
Yet this new oxi compound sounds like the stuff of a zombie apocalypse:

oxi, a highly addictive and hallucinogenic blend of cocaine paste, gasoline, kerosene and quicklime (calcium oxide) that is wreaking havoc across the Amazon region.

How potent is it?

“The difference between cocaine and oxi is like the difference between drinking beer and pure alcohol,” said a federal police operative on the Peru-Brazil border, who refused to be named.

And

“The effects of oxi are so devastating,” he said. “When a person starts using oxi they spend days just using, without eating properly. They start to become very thin, almost skeletons, and they want to use more and more. If you do not stop you are a candidate to either die of an overdose or of other consequences of the oxi.”

Now, one is tempted to wonder if this isn’t just a trifle over-hyped.

Thought Experiment
But let’s step back from that extended family member who gave up their life for a needle, a rock, or some powder. Put on your hyper-cynical, libertarian hat and ask: are überdrugs more of a feature than a bug?
I’m not saying that somebody sacrificing their life and soul for transient pleasure in chemicals is less than tragic.
I’m not saying that the unintended consequences on innocent victims is less than sinful.
I’m wondering if some sort of de-humanizing spectacle of people who voluntarily live in some vast, enclosed “Truman Show” pit, with some food and all of the dope they can do, food, and cameras aplenty for a debased reality TV spectacle would have some deterrant effect.
Let junkies that truly hate themselves be lowered in.
Let there be a pit in the middle where they can throw the bodies of the overdosees.
Let people voluntarily sort themselves into the humans, and the zombies who want to worship at a chemical altar.
Would such a spectacle of debasement have any deterrent effect?

Special guest post by Esarhaddon Q. Echinacea-Prügel

News may have reached your ear concerning the demise in fluency with traditional writing systems besetting Far Eastern cultures. Those noble logograms, each its own separate piece of art, represent exactly the sort of quixotic, emotional, faux-romantic struggle against reason to which all Critical Theory aspires, before blaming the disastrous consequences upon the sane majority of society. The time is ripe for a conservative stealth takeover, followed by a revolution to destroy Critical Theory. Continue reading Western Alphabetic Imperialism: An Opportunity For Ivory Tower Conquest →

by Smitty

Seth Borenstein, in Salon reports that we still have plenty of oil to fear in the Gulf:

The evidence of microscopic amounts of oil mixing into the soil of the canyon was gathered by scientists at the University of South Florida, who also found poisoned plant plankton — the vital base of the ocean food web — which they blamed on a toxic brew of oil and dispersants.Their work is preliminary, hasn’t been reviewed by other scientists, requires more tests to confirm it is BP’s oil they found, and is based on a 10-day research cruise that ended late Monday night. Scientists who were not involved said they were uncomfortable drawing conclusions based on such a brief look.

The Pacific Ocean took a peevish view to this report. Pacific Ocean spokesman Buffington Imboodaga stated that:

We really need to get attention focused back on that trash vortex the size of Texas.
Specifically, we need:

• A panicked, guilty public that hates its very humanity.
• Legislation by the ream, specifying whole divisions of unelected bureaucrats to suck vitality out of the economy, thereby reducing the pollution.
• Increased funding for our research staff, at the usual campaign kickback rate for our sugar mommas and daddies.

Screw the Gulf of Mexico. We’re a far more senior source of gnawing fear.

In related news, Anthropogenic Global Warming is still maintaining a low profile at an un-named Carribbean resort. A spokesman for AGW denied the rumor that it may be getting a makeover, with a re-launch in its old Global Cooling guise. AGW press agent Morriston Baxter-Dempsey rejected the notion:

We are keeping an eye on the 1970’s, but, other than politically, the ’70s are not sufficiently ‘in’ for AGW to go the cooling route.Specific plans to kick start AGW have been pushed back to December. It really all depends on the weather. Who can predict that?

by Smitty

American Power reports on the good General’s retirement a month after the fertilizer hit the air circulator over a Rolling Stone article.
Sissypuss the Blog Kitty was able to get a quick interview with the General after the ceremony.
SissyPuss: So, what does a general do with himself after such an illustrious? Golf? Conquer Bulungi? Dancing with the Stars with Guns?
Gen. McChrystal: Heh. No, just kicking back for a while, catching up on old hobbies.
S: Such as. . . ?
M: Oh, singing.
S: Really? Can we expect an album of your favorite running cadences, “Up in the morning with the rising sun. . .” and all that?
M: Not so much. I’m actually working on a duet with Shirley Sherrod.
S: No way! What are you tackling? ‘Islands in the Stream’?
M: Well, we’re a little more, shall I say, angst-ridden than that, yet in a humorous way.
S: Cut the teasing or I’ll give you a jolly scratching–what are you two rebels doing?
M: Get this: Metallica, “Disposable Heroes”, but with Devo on backup.
S: That is the most insane thing I’ve heard of since Rush touring with ZZ Top, performing each others’ material.
M: Ha. We approach that level of cognitive dissonance, yelling back and forth at each other: “You coward!” she says, and I reply “You servant!”, and she screams “You blind man” and we both yell “Back to the front!”
Total primal scream therapy, considering the kind of noise we’ve been through of late. If the administration tosses any other loyal supporters under the bus, well add them.
S: How about all of the car dealer who got shut down for not having the necessary friends?
M: Well, yeah, that’s important, but we’ll save them for some giant chorus on “Bohemian Rhapsody,” I think.
S: Thanks, General. You rawk!