Olympic Boob Shot? USA! USA! USA!

My prescient news judgment is vindicated: While guys were drooling over those lanky beach volleyball chicks — or even getting twisted thrills watching jailbait gymnasts, you sick freaks — who told you that women’s water polo is the sport to watch for real Rule 5 Olympic action?

Now, via Deadspin and Mediaite, we learn that NBC briefly showed a live glimpse of NSFW nudity during yesterday’s Spain-USA match:

Water polo can be a rough sport, with athletes lunging through the water for control of the ball. And sometimes, lycra swimsuits get pulled and breasts are exposed.
Such was the case Wednesday during the Olympic match between Spain and the U.S. A player’s suit was pulled to the side and her bare breast was broadcast live, via NBC’s underwater camera.

No word on whether our favorite player, Melissa Seidemann, was involved in this incident. Here is the underwater catfight video footage:

Not much to see, really — a fleeting glimpse, nothing remotely erotic, probably not even enough to earn an “R” rating if it were a movie.

Still, it proves my point that women’s water polo is actually the best sport to watch for the Rule 5 gold-medal competition. And in a completely unrelated incident, federal employees have once more been told to stop surfing porn on the taxpayer’s dime:

The Pentagon’s Missile Defense Agency warned its employees and contractors last week to stop using their government computers to surf the Internet for pornographic sites, according to the agency’s executive director.

Does that ban include NSFW Olympic competition?

USA! USA! USA!

U.S. water polo team members, including Melissa Seidemann (3rd from Left)

I am immune to “Olympic fever.” I covered the Atlanta Olympics in ’96 and, as far as I’m concerned, the whole thing is just a bunch of made-for-TV commercialized hype. However . . .

The United States defeated Hungary 14-13 today in women’s water polo. I happened to glance up at the TV as the victorious Americans climbed out of the pool and I was like: Whoa! Who’s that?

Advanced research skills soon yielded the answer: Melissa Seidemann, six feet tall, 22, a recent graduate of Stanford University, where she twice led the team in scoring. Readers may remember my complaints about the scrawny little girls of Olympic gymnastics.

No such complaints about Melissa Seidemann.

Having alerted my colleague Dan Collins, I declare women’s water polo the Official Olympic Sport for Guys Who Like Full-Grown Women.

Forget all that silly boohooing about Jordyn Wieber not making the gymnastics all-around finals. Big girls don’t cry, and our water polo ladies are going for the gold. Melissa Seidemann is on Twitter, where this is her profile avatar:

Yeah, I know what you guys are thinking: “Lucky dog.”

UPDATE: Bob Belvedere shares my newfound enthusiasm.

UPDATE II: A British columnist finds an honest photographer:

“It’s a three-letter word. It’s not complicated.” David Hoskinson, a photographer who has been covering Olympic events for 20 years, has firm opinions on why women’s beach volleyball is so popular with corporate sponsors. “You know this, you’re a bright girl,” he sniffs. “Sex sells.” . . .
“The appeal is obviously fabulous bodies,” says Hoskinson. “They’re all tall, they’re all athletic, they have hard bodies. Use your imagination.”

Of course, everybody knows this, but you’re not supposed to say it out loud.

The Olympic Princess Fantasy

U.S. gymnast Gabby Douglass, 16, is nicknamed “The Flying Squirrel.”

“The reigning world champion Jordyn Wieber left the Olympic gymnastics arena in tears on Sunday after failing to qualify for the finals of the all-around competition.
“Wieber, 17, of DeWitt, Mich., was long considered one of the favorites to win the gold medal in the sport’s glamour event. . . .
“But in the qualifying round Sunday, Wieber simply could not deliver.”

— New York Times

Can we talk about Olympic women’s gymnastics as a cultural phenomenon? As a focus of widespread interest, the sport entered public consciousness in 1972 with Russian gold medalist Olga Korbut’s performance in Munich, then intensified in 1976 when Rumania’s Nadia Comaneci scored an unprecedented perfect “10” in Montreal.

Comaneci won the gold medal when she was only 14 years old.

She had been training at coach Bela Karolyi’s gymnastics school since she was 7. While she was being celebrated with slow-motion montages on ABC’s Wide World of Sports, Nadia was also being declared a “Hero of Socialist Labor” by Rumania’s vicious dictator Nicolae Ceaucescu.

The general American attitude toward such feats during the Cold War was that, yes, of course the Communist countries dominated certain sports where, in a totalitarian dictatorship, children could be sent to train year-round at early ages in order to provide their governments with a propaganda coup in international athletic competition.

We weren’t too impressed with the quadrennial Helga-and-Boris Show at the Olympics: Yeah, the East Germans just won the women’s shotput.

America had football and NASCAR and Arnold Palmer. We didn’t give a damn about some hypermuscular Commie sideshow freak.

Women’s gymnastics, however, was different. For some reason, the spectacle of petite teenagers doing backflips and cartwheels had a marketing appeal that other sports lacked. Women’s gymnastics had the same basic “ballerina princess” vibe as figure skating.

This was especially true of  the floor exercise. The vault, the uneven bars, the balance beam — yeah, OK, but the floor exercise was performed to music, so it was like dancing, and this appealed to the whole “ballerina princess” fantasy embedded deeply in the mind of every girl who ever took six weeks of dance lessons.

So while Americans moms have never gone nuts encouraging their daughters to compete with Helga the German shotput champ, from 1976 onward there was a rush of moms signing up their little girls for gymnastics. It’s not about athletics, it’s about the princess fantasy.

We are not supposed to notice or comment on this phenomenon, because it contradicts the androgynous gender-neutral ethos of feminism. The fact that the Olympic princess phenomenon represents the preferences of women themselves — the persistent admiration of distinctly feminine traits — is one of those “false consciousness” things, a violation of the egalitarian ideal that the gender theorists insist is an expression of oppressive patriarchal norms.

Feminists believe that men and women are exactly the same in their aptitudes and interests. Any observable difference between them can only be the result of discriminatory sexist social expectations. Larry Summers was practically lynched at Harvard University for doubting this.

Kyla Ross, 15, is the youngest U.S. Olympic gymnast

Something else you’re not supposed to notice or comment on: As a cultural ideal, women’s gymnastics is kind of weird.

In no other sport are top competitors so young. Kyla Ross, 15, is the youngest member of the U.S. Olympic team, whose other members — Gabby Douglass and McKayla Maroney, both 16, Jordyn Wieber, 17, and Aly Raisman, 18 — bring the average age up to 16.4.

Three-fifths of the U.S. team members are no older than the minimum age of 16 (Ross is able to compete because she turns 16 before the end of the calendar year) and none is 19 or older.

Basically, by the time you’re old enough to buy a drink, you’re over the hill in world-class women’s gymnastics which, for the sake of honesty, should be renamed girl’s gymnastics.

Four years ago, it was suspected that some of the Chinese gymnasts were underage — not the first time such suspicions had arisen.

At the 2000 Sydney Olympics, the Chinese were caught using a 14-year-old on their team. In no other sport does youth  provide such an advantage, as the New York Times explains:

Using younger, but obviously world-class, gymnasts is an advantage because small bodies in earlier stages of puberty can pull off bigger tricks in the air. Growing taller and maturing, with accompanying breasts and hips, complicates flips and twists.

In other words, it’s not a sport for grown-ups. Pubescent girls can perform at levels that no mature woman can hope to match, and the petite physique type which is ideal for women’s gymnastics is ideal in no other sport. As a matter of fact, the intense training and strict diet required of a top competitive gymnast has the effect of delaying normal physical development.

Olympic gymnasts can therefore be described as abnormal in roughly the same sense that a 6-foot-6, 300-pound defensive tackle is abnormal. But the gigantic tackle isn’t an NFL All-Pro at 15 years old and a washed-up has-been by age 20.

Feminists complain that Barbie dolls present little girls with an impossible ideal, but isn’t the same thing true of Olympic gymnastics?

We aren’t supposed to notice or mention this, because the celebration of Olympic achievement — “USA! USA! USA!” — is marketed so heavily on TV as to permit no space for critical thought.

Responsible adulthood, however, requires us to resist the mindless consumption of whatever TV is selling, and “Olympic fever” is a made-for-TV commodity whose value should be viewed skeptically.

If there is to be a competition to determine which nation has the most highly-skilled diminutive adolescent girls, it is my patriotic duty to hope that America wins the contest. But I reserve the right to observe that this is a freakishly weird thing to compete over.

UPDATE: Linked by Ann Althouse who quotes her own 1988 letter to the New York Times, suggesting that the sport of gymnastics artificially favors a certain body type. That’s not my point at all. Rather, I am pointing to the cultural factors that made this one sport (rather than say, the mile run or the pentathlon) such a celebrated part of Olympic competition. It’s a matter of market appeal, and the popularity of women’s gymnastics therefore has a significance — it tells us something about our culture, although I’m not sure what that something is.

Maybe Stacy McCain’s Sports Career Still Has Potential

by Smitty

Moore, a 61 year-old Vietnam veteran, will kick this fall for Faulkner University, a small Christian school in Montgomery, Ala., 43 years after his initial college career was cut short by Vietnam. When he takes the field against Ave Maria on Sept. 10, Moore will be the oldest player ever to take the field for a four-year university.

After all, a sports career would get him off the hook for bowing to Knoxville, TN five times a day.

Because The Olympics Is All About Athletes And Competition, Right?

by Smitty

The Puffington Host:

The U.S. Olympic Committee has notified all interested cities that it will not submit a bid to host the 2020 Olympics, a person familiar with the negotiations told The Associated Press on Monday.
Chicago, New York and Dallas were among those that had expressed interest in putting forth a bid to host the games, but any bid was contingent upon the USOC working out a long-simmering revenue-sharing deal with the International Olympic Committee.

The Olympics is like the U.N. in better physical condition, and with a more reasonable world impact.

Bikini + NASCAR = Traffic Gold!

Canadian beauty Maryeve Dufault will make her NASCAR debut Saturday in Quebec . . . 

NASCAR in Quebec? Comment voulez-vous dire “redneck” en français?

Never mind. The point is that I learned this after blog traffic spiked because there were a lot of Google searches that led to my July 28 post about Mlle. Dufault. Then I realized I had not maximized the Rule 5 traffic value of that post, because I had not included a bikini photo of the lovely Maryeve. But I’m sure none of our readers would want to see her bikini-clad body sitting in the surf, right? Continue reading Bikini + NASCAR = Traffic Gold! →

Bad News, America: NASCAR Is Now Allowing French-Canadian Drivers …

… Good news? She’s a smokin’ hot brunette:

Next month, Quebec native Maryeve Dufault will attempt to qualify for the NASCAR Nationwide Series NAPA Auto Parts 200. The race will be Saturday, August 20th at the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve road course in Montreal. This will be Dufault’s first race in the Nationwide series.
Dufault, 29, presently drives for Tony Marks Racing in the ARCA series, having competed in ten of the eleven races held thus far in 2011. Her best finish is tenth in the Messina Wildlife Animal Stopper 150 this past June at Chicagoland Speedway. . . .

Read the rest by Jerry Wilson at the Examiner.

The xenopobic fear and loathing of foreigners that inspires my anti-immigrant policy has one exception: “Don’t deport the hotties!”

Pig Skin In The Game

by Smitty

The Blaze notes that even the overpaid prima donnas of the NFL managed to get their act together and finish negotiations.

Unlike the clowns inside the flat bowl outlined by the beltway.

<rant>

Other than the effort to win re-election, these political football players don’t have enough skin in the game. I’d like to see the budget law deadlines codified, and none of these creeps getting paid if they can’t do their flipping job. Will Dingy Harry Reid reach 1000 days with no budget?

As a thought experiment, consider docking the Senate Majority Leader and the rest of these creeps day-for-day while they haven’t done their job. That’s not a precedent to go setting, but the threat of it might trigger some useful motion. Screw you, Nevada, for afflicting the rest of the country with this knucklehead.

</rant>