“I’m a lucky man.”
— Johnny Depp, November 2014
“Johnny Depp got used, manipulated, set up and made to look like an a–hole.”
— Doug Stanhope, May 2016
“Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.”
— Benjamin Franklin
The Giant Wheel o’ Karma turned against Johnny Depp last week when his wife Amber Heard filed for divorce and then filed for a restraining order, accusing Depp of domestic abuse. Anyone who was surprised by this simply hasn’t been paying attention to the many omens of doom surrounding their relationship. Most obviously, Depp was 49 when he dumped the mother of his two children (French actress Vanessa Paradis, whom he had been with for 14 years) to be with Heard, who was then 26. A move like that is nearly always a mistake. If you can’t make a relationship work with the mother of your children, what makes you think you’re going to have better luck with a woman half your age?
Oh, sure, Depp and Paradis had “grown apart,” their relationship was “on the rocks,” yadda yadda yadda, but if any middle-aged man honestly thinks that the solution to such a problem is to hook up with a 20-something, he should probably consult a psychiatrist.
So, what do we know about Little Miss Homewrecker, Amber Heard?
Heard, who was raised Catholic, subsequently declared herself an atheist after being introduced to the works of Ayn Rand by her then-boyfriend. She has said of Rand, “I’ve read all of her books. Ever since then, I have been obsessed with her ideals. All I’ve ever needed is myself.”
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
Look, I loved Atlas Shrugged as an attack on the liberal welfare-state mentality of the New Deal, but when it reaches the point where Rand rolls out her Nietzsche-influenced anti-Christian philosophy? No, thanks.
The ugly denouement of Rand’s personal life — her affair with Nathaniel Branden, a leader of the weird cult following around Objectivism — was sufficient proof that, whatever else you say about free-market idealism, it is no substitute for sexual morality. If you’re a middle-aged movie star looking for thrills, I suppose hooking up with a young Objectivist could be fun, but marry her? Whoa. Slow your roll, homeslice.
Another thing: Watch out for lapsed Catholics. Hitler was a lapsed Catholic. Yeah, backslid Baptists and apostate Pentecostals have been known to go off the deep end, but when Catholics go bad, they’re likely to go all the way to pure evil. Prostitution, witchcraft, human sacrifice, voting Democrat — there’s no limit to their wickedness.
OK, nice Catholic girl from Texas hooks up with boyfriend who gets her reading Ayn Rand, she becomes an atheist, moves to Hollywood and . . .
Actress Amber Heard comes out
as a lesbian at GLAAD event
. . . The 24-year-old stepped out on Friday night for the GLAAD 25th anniversary bash with girlfriend Tasya van Ree. . . .
‘Injustice can never be stood for. It always must be fought against and I just was sick of it being a problem.
And she explained how, by hiding her sexual identity, she felt she was admitting it was a bad thing to be gay.
She says: ‘I personally think that if you deny something or if you hide something, you’re inadvertently admitting it’s wrong.’
Oh, but no labels, please:
“It’s been frustrating as I don’t label myself one way or another — I have had successful relationships with men and now a woman. I love who I love, it’s the person that matters.”
It depends on how you define “successful relationships,” I guess. Maybe her ex-boyfriends would define “successful” differently, but no one’s interviewing them to find out their opinions of Ms. Heard. As for her relationship with Tasya van Ree, who is 10 years older than Ms. Heard, let’s ask: What’s up with this “no labels” idea? Sure, I’ve got a copy of Lisa Diamond’s Sexual Fluidity on my bookshelf, so I’m familiar with this phenomenon at the conceptual level, but in terms of day-to-day life, it makes no sense whatsoever. A person who is either heterosexual or homosexual can narrow the choices down to 50% of the human race, at least, whereas a polymorphous “no labels” sexuality . . .
Well, wouldn’t that be kind of emotionally exhausting after a while? “Maybe I like this . . . No, wait, probably I like that a little better.”
Three words: Borderline personality disorder.
It was my lesbian friend Cynthia Yockey who pointed out the substantial overlap between bisexuality and borderline personality disorder. People with BPD notoriously have “boundary issues.” They can’t stand to be told “no,” and don’t think the rules should apply to them. They love to cause drama, and would rather have negative attention than to be ignored. BPD is “characterized by extreme fear of abandonment; unstable relationships with other people, sense of self, or emotions; feelings of emptiness; frequent dangerous behavior; and self-harm.”
Does that fit Amber Heard? I’m not qualified to offer a clinical diagnosis, but her “no labels” attitude struck me as symptomatic, and it seems as if the “unstable relationships” factor was evident in her marriage to Johnny Depp. There are reports that Ms. Heard never fully let go of her relationship with Tasya van Ree, and that this created problems.
Depp’s friend Doug Stanhope says he never liked Ms. Heard, and accuses her of blackmailing Depp. We cannot know the whole truth of two people’s private relationship, so I’ll reserve judgment as to the details, but let me say this in general: I don’t trust bisexuals.
This wasn’t something I’d spent much time thinking about until I started studying radical feminism, which necessarily requires paying attention to lesbian feminism, and issues surrounding women’s sexuality in general. Once I started examining the Feminist Tumblr phenomenon, I encountered a seemingly interminable war over the boundary between lesbians and bisexual women — and the bisexuals were clearly the aggressors in that conflict. However, in a strange reversal of reality, bisexual women depicted lesbians as the villains in the conflict, asserting that it was “extremist” or “bigoted” for lesbians to exclude from their lives the possibility of relationships with (or attraction to) males.
Now, I can’t say how much this Tumblr quarrel reflects any real-life conflict inside the LGBT coalition, but it did make me think about why (some) guys are so absurdly enthusiastic about the idea of bisexual women, viewing them in terms of a porn-inspired fantasy of threesomes. This kind of fetishistic obsession is unhealthy, to say the least, and pursuing such fantasies can have disastrous consequences.
About 25 or 30 years ago, there were plenty of married guys who thought “swinging” (or polyamory, as it is nowadays called) was an excellent way to “spice up” their sex lives, and they would cajole their reluctant wives into trying it. These guys were typically eager to get their wives to replicate the “hot” girl-on-girl scenes that were so common in porn videos. And, having overcome their initial reluctance, some of these wives discovered they liked other women much better than they liked their porn-addicted weirdo husbands, leading to divorce. Oops.
Once you’ve heard a few sad tales like that, you tend to develop a dim view of the misguided notion that living out one’s wildest fantasies is necessary to self-fulfillment. “Lead us not into temptation,” see?
This brings me back around to my distrust of bisexuals, because here’s the thing: If lesbians don’t trust bisexual women, why should men?
Within the lesbian community, the negative stereotype of bisexual women is that they always end up going back to men. Is that true? Should this be celebrated as a triumph of the heteropatriarchy? I’m not sure. Bisexuality is quite trendy nowadays, and my hunch is that this trend bodes ill for the future because, despite the tendency to disparage bisexuality as “just a phase” or “they’re just doing it for attention,” such women are likely to have difficulty forming durable monogamous relationships. Of course, you’d need a lot of research studies to be able to demonstrate such a correlation in terms of social science, but old-fashioned common sense and anecdotal evidence suggests that the man who thinks it’s a smart idea to marry a bisexual woman may be bitterly disappointed by the result.
Johnny Depp probably wasn’t thinking in terms of statistical probability when he hooked up with Amber Heard. He was a middle-aged guy and she was a 26-year-old blonde — no, a guy in that situation doesn’t calculate the odds rationally. “Thinking with the wrong organ,” as they say, and maybe Amber Heard wasn’t shrewd and cunning, but just emotionally unstable, but either way, Johnny Depp got played for a chump.
Pay attention to those warning signs, guys.
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