The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

In Bizarre Gardening Accident, Piers Morgan & Lawrence O’Donnell Become World’s First Post-Uteral Siamese Twins

Posted on | May 4, 2012 | 2 Comments

by Smitty

ROCHESTER, MN–Doctors at the Mayo Clinic announced that they had stabilized the two, who were Platonically pruning periwinkles in the garden when beset by an escaped zoo lion. Conrad Murray was in the area, and the situation only got weirder from there.

Spokesmen from the Ministry of Truth revealed that the two men are joined at the back of throat, facing away ,at right angles, speechless, and on feeding tubes. Surprisingly, this is not expected to impact either of their shows:

  • Their viewer can’t watch them both simultaneously. As they will be sharing a studio for the time being, they’ll take turns being on the front side of a curtain to cover the off-duty body.
  • The eventual separation operation is complicated by the difficulty distinguishing between the two, brought on by years of regurgitating the same, tired Commie talking points about gun control and Americans all being Socialists now.
  • The necessary bad lip reading of their dialog will only underscore the case that they’ve actually been speaking out their backsides for years.

Get better, gentlemen. Please.

Category: Celebrities, Farce

If Conor Friedersdorf Is Smiling …

Posted on | May 4, 2012 | 30 Comments

. . . that can only mean bad news:

This is how to co-opt journalists. Eager for access to the Republican nominee, or curious about what he’d say at the meeting, they agreed to the off-the-record ground rules. It’s easy to imagine how it could all play out. Romney vows he’ll be a loyal conservative who’ll ambitiously push a Tea Party agenda. And tells the journalists they’re so very important. They feel important, in spite of themselves, for getting exclusive access; and having heard the man affirm his bona fides, they can’t help but be won over a bit.

After I was offline for more than 24 hours, it wasn’t until about 3:30 p.m. Thursday that I logged onto the ‘Net and saw:

Melissa Clouthier wants to scapegoat me. Perfect!

Having also been told I’m in need of “professional help,” I therefore plead insanity: I must have been crazy to get into this racket . . .

Bob Belvedere is in denial and Jerry Wilson attempts to explain it.

Let me warn you, Jerry: When reality becomes this crazy, your attempt to explain it only makes you sound nuts. Next thing you know, the nice men in the white coats will show up to take you to Happy Acres:

“OK, Mr. Wilson, you say your friend the ‘professional journalist’ denied being at The Meeting That Never Happened, because he wanted a ‘rhinoceros’ to make him the Ambassador to Vanuatu, but never got any links from the ‘Ewok’? Uh . . . Don’t you feel like you need some rest, Mr. Wilson? Here, take your medicine . . .”

Crazy, see? But if saying smart-aleck things about Newt Gingrich is a drastic liability, maybe the Vanuatu gig was a long shot anyway, and Philip Klein doesn’t think Romney’s winning:

It’s been widely agreed that given Obama’s vulnerabilities, Romney’s chances of winning hinge on his ability to make the election a referendum on Obama’s record. And here is where Romney is failing. His campaign is allowing the president to change the subject. . . .
If the campaign is about bin Laden, identity politics and silly controversies about dogs, an Obama victory is a lot more likely.

True story: In 2007, I loaned Phil my swimming trunks, in exchange for his notes on an interview with 24 producer Joel Surnow.

That story got me a Drudge link. Phil never gave me back my trunks.

 


Category: Blogging, Election 2012

‘American Empire’: The Ultimate Strawman?

Posted on | May 4, 2012 | 5 Comments

by Smitty

Brian Koenig posts on Bill Ayers, Chicago bad boy at large, discussing the end of the ‘American Empire’:

One of the great dangers that we live in right now, is I don‘t think there’s any question, and I don’t think any of you would question, that the American Empire is in decline – that economically, and politically, and in some ways culturally, that we are in decline.

All me to vent. What ’empire’, Bill? Show me anything in our founding documents that would lead you to conclude the U.S. is ‘imperial’.
Koenig concludes:

The economy may be in turmoil, as well as our nation’s fiscal status. So there may be a dose of reality to his argument. And if government bureaucrats continue to spend beyond our means, as well as continuing to elude the skyrocketing debt of entitlements — which, note, Ayers’ subscribes to — then maybe he, quite ironically, has a point.

The point to be made here is that, by the power of technology to disperse information rapidly, and expose creeps like Ayers, the power of the Constitution to make the American government serve the people is coming to the fore.

Sad little academics like Bill Ayers, spouting fallacious arguments of ‘American Empire’ are going to have a very hard time doing finding patrons to keep them spewing their idiocy. CAESAR SI VIVERE AD REMUM DARERIS, by which I mean, in a real imperial situation, something sad and permanent should have long since happened to him.

He decries the nonexistent ‘American Empire’, while pining for the kind of fascist ‘Social Justice’ that could only come through imperial means! Restated, if he truly cared fig #1 for liberty, he’d probably sound closer to Ron Paul, and be railing against the Federal Reserve. In contrast, Bill Ayers has spent his days under the sun attacking the minds of youth, and helping to propel Barack Obama to the Presidency. Thanks for your Constitutional support, Ayers.

For the record, I would refer to American prominence over the last century as hegemony. It is true that, having the dollar as the reserve currency after Bretton Woods, and the might of the American military after the National Security Act of 1947 have given the U.S. a heavy hand in world affairs. And, sure, we’ve used it. But calling this last century of U.S. history ‘Empire’ both overstates U.S. power and understates the complexity of the modern world. I can tell you that the U.S. very sincerely supports the duly elected Government of the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan. To say that the U.S. in particular, or NATO in general, has behaved ‘imperially’ in that part of the world is false and insulting to all those who served there.

The idea of an ‘American Empire’ is truly a strawman’s strawman, and ist tantamount to saying to an audience: TU STULTUS ES. To which his audience should reply, ‘Thanks for nothing, you Commie creep.’

Wolverines!

Category: Blogging

LIVE AT FIVE – 05.04.12

Posted on | May 4, 2012 | 3 Comments

— compiled by Wombat-socho

TOP NEWS
PRC Says Blind Activist Can Apply To Study Abroad

Possible solution to embarrassing diplomatic contretemps?

No Late Boost For Sarkozy
Centrist candidate Bayrou says he’ll vote for Hollande




Arizona Police Believe Neo-Nazi’s Murder/Suicide Was Domestic Violence
Ex-Marine Jason Todd Ready killed girlfriend, four others before killing himself



POLITICS
Former Edwards Aide Recounts Awkward Hotel Encounter

Describes how Rielle Hunter showed up at his room weeks after her work was done

AP Finally Apologizes For Firing Reporter Over WW2 Scoop



National Mall Getting $700 Million Redesign

Quinnipiac Poll: Obama’s Lead Vanishes In Ohio, Florida

Harvard Won’t Say If Liz Warren Listed As Minority

Issa Sends Out Draft Of Contempt Order Against Attorney General Holder



THE ECONOMY, STUPID
Oil Drops From Five-Week High As U.S. Production, Imports, Stockpiles Surge; NYMEX $105.22, Brent $118.20
Facebook IPO Values Company Between $85-95 Billion
Euro Bank Chief Draghi Warns Against Tax Hikes
Argentine Legislature Approves Nationalization Of YPF
US Business Startup Rate At Record Low
Stocks Close Mostly Lower Ahead Of Monthly Jobs Report
Japan Switches Off Last Nuclear Power Plant: Will They Cope?
Samsung Galaxy S3: The Latest Bid To Dominate The Android Market
Microsoft Kills Confusing “Windows Live” Brand
First “Elder Scrolls Online” Details Make It Sound Like Just Another Fantasy MMO
RIM Shares Drop To Eight-Year Low
Dolby audio To Be Integrated Into Windows 8 Tablets & PCs



SPORTS
Yankees Lose Closer Rivera For The Season With Torn ACL

Tears knee ligament while shagging flies in the outfield

Referees, LeBron James, And The Miami Heat Fail To Save Knicks In Game 3

Junior Seau’s Funeral Plans To Be Announced
GIVE ME THE BRAIN

Ponikarovsky Score OT Goal To Lift Devils Over Flyers 4-3

Mavericks Face Long Odds After Game Three Loss To Thunder

Rangers Outlast Caps In Triple OT, Squeak Out 2-1 Win

Bedard Gets Team-Reocrd 17 K’s, Bucs Avoid Sweep With 6-3 win Over Cardinals

Harper’s Move To #3 Spot Pays Off Immediately With 2-1 Win Over Snakes
Bryce Harper Has Been Sent Here To Destroy You



FAMOUS FOR BEING FAMOUS
Tanning Mom Slammed By Snooki

“That b!tch is crazy!”

“Bachelor” Host Chris Harrison Separating From Wife

Brandi Glanville’s “Real Housewife” Gig Over Before It Started

Joseph Gordon-Leavitt Developing “Little Shop Of Horrors” As Acting Vehicle

J-Lo Promotes Boyfriend Casper Smart To World Tour Choreographer

Samuel L. Jackson Launches Twitter War After NYT Slams “The Avengers”
I may have to see this movie now.

Kellan Lutz, Spencer Locke To Play Tarzan & Jane In Upcoming Motion-Capture Movie



FOREIGNERS
Final Polls Suggest Close Result, Win For Hollande
Russia Threatens Preemptive Strike On European Missile Defense
Ukraine’s EU Goal Wilts In Soccer Boycott Over Tymoshenko
Double Bombing In Dagestan Kills 13
White House Acknowledges Syria Ceasefire Not Working
Three Mexican Journalists Killed, Bodies Dumped In Veracruz Canal
Nigerian Cattle Market Raid Kills 56
Fringe Parties Could Win Big In Greek Elections
UK Local Elections: Beyond The Boris & Ken Show
Escaped Budgie Tells Japanese Police Its Address, Gets Lift Home



BLOGS & STUFF
David Harsanyi: Who The Hell Is Julia, And Why Am I Paying For Her Entire Life?
Power Line: To Be Julia Or Not to Be Julia?
Jim Geraghty: Undoing The Narrative Of “Dreams From My Father”
NRO Corner: The Chen Debacle
Via Meadia: China Syndrome – No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Jawa Report: The Distractor In Chief
Weasel Zippers: More SEALS Coming Forward To Criticize Obama For Spiking The Football On Bin Laden
Legal Insurrection: “Stop Rush” Launches New Website To Pressure Advertisers
Volokh Conspiracy: Secondary Boycotts And The Breakdown Of Civil Society
Clayton Cramer: Third NBC “Journalist” Fired For Misleading Viewers
Washington Free Beacon: John Kerry – Smartest Guy In The Room?
Daniel Henninger: Memo To The Youth Vote

Category: Live at Five

Crowder In Tights

Posted on | May 3, 2012 | 2 Comments

by Smitty

I like the nugget of the idea at work here, but I think this needs more camp:

Crowder: get together with Chris Loesch again, and give us Batwonk and Reformin’. Give us the four-color sets of the Batman ’60s show, and take on evil hedge-trimming mastermind Jorge Sore-toes. Deflate the monster truck tires of the Union Overlord, Richard Tonka. Unlock the fulminating villainy of Wade Wrath-key. And so on.

Category: Uncategorized

Time for Some Zeppelin

Posted on | May 3, 2012 | 13 Comments

Of course, it’s ALWAYS time for some Zeppelin:

Category: Music, Video

It Never Happened, Nobody Saw It Happen, and I Was Never There

Posted on | May 3, 2012 | 108 Comments

Ben Howe, Moe Lane, Roger Simon, Bryan Preston, Paul Mirengoff, Gabriel Malor, Rob Bluey, Dan Riehl, Ace of Spades,  Mike Flynn, Philip Klein, Jim Antle, Michael Brendan Dougherty, Justin Hart, John Hawkins, Adam Tragone, Alana Goodman, Mary Katharine Ham, Katie Pavlich, Stephen Hayes, Alex Pappas, Byron York, Matt Lewis, Lachlan Markay, James Joyner, Amanda Carpenter, Jim Geraghty . . .

You may ask: “What do these people have in common?”

Answer: They are all notorious right-wing liars.

So if any of them claim they were all together at a “secret meeting” with a so-called VIP Wednesday afternoon in D.C., don’t believe a word of it.

If someone tries to tell you that my phone rang in the middle of the alleged “meeting” and that, while trying to turn off my phone, I knocked over my coffee cup, which spilled in Alana Goodman’s lap . . .?

Lies. All lies.

Also, the thing about Ace calling Dan Riehl a “kiss-ass”? Never happened.

Which isn’t to say that Dan is incapable of ass-kissing – “Oh, thank you and your lovely wife for favoring us with your gracious presence, Governor” – but I’m pretty sure that Ace would have described him as an “obsequious sycophant” rather than a mere ass-kisser, had they ever been sitting next to each other in a meeting with a VIP, which they so obviously weren’t.

Never trust those lying liars. Because they lie.

UPDATE: Thanks to Zilla of the Resistance who, via Twitter, offers this new hashtag: #NotGoodEnoughForRomCon — heh!

To make clear: I officially deny everything.

UPDATE II: The Lonely Conservative is hurt that she didn’t get invited to The Meeting That Never Happened. William Jacobson says: “I would not have gone, so it’s a good thing you didn’t invite me.” Except of course, there was no meeting!

The wild-eyed rumors that such a meeting happened are being spread by Lying Liars Who Lie, and you shouldn’t believe them.

UPDATE III: Bethany Mandel offers helpful encouragement:

I think you are mentally unbalanced. You need professional help.

Thanks! I needed that!

Category: Blogging, Election 2012, Mitt Romney

Touché

Posted on | May 3, 2012 | 8 Comments

by Smitty

Now and then, one gets trashed so hard that the best course of action is to join the audience in admiration of a good trashing:

When did Smitty turn into a Progressive? He seems to claim charisma is a zero sum game. He claims the charismatically rich Paul Ryan got that way from robbing the poor TrogloPundit. He doesn’t believe in trickle down charisma or the Laugher Curve of charismatic outflow elasticity.

All of this, of course, is unfair.

Category: Blogging
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