The Protocols of the Elders of CTHULHU XI. Global Constitution

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by Smitty (INTRODUCTION)

The second glance revealed that it was not actually rectangular, but a hexagon, with vertices one third of the way along the surface, away from the wall screen marking the head. Also, it lacked legs, being full from top to floor.

The madness of the situation, of 11 live, 2 dead, 1 ambiguous person and a squid, in a cold cold room, listening to a lecture blending Machiavelli and Mephistopheles was nearly enough to snap my mind like dry tinder. Yet the only thing to do about it was write. Try to capture every insane detail.
The squid on the table, one tentacle looped over the lip, held two others out like arms. The bodies of the functionary and the old man slowly moved and pulled themselves up by the table with the most obscenely robotic movements.
The old man was clearly dead, the functionary still shrouded, and the speaker was going on about a global Constitution, while the two bodies shambled around the head of the table for the door, and the outside moanings got louder and more human.

“The general direction of all of the failures of the proletariat is upward.
As we have more global information, and more media control, we will increasingly flood the mob with information pointing to the fact that the world is falling apart, for all it really only has the narrowest deviation from historical mean, overall.
We exist to create apparent problems for which we are the most convenient solution. A natural analogue is a constrictor using every twitch from the prey to tighten the grip.
The local situation and government are a failure, so the State must fix it. The State is a failure, so the EU, Federal Government, regional hegemon, or the UN is the next stop. Above that level, of course, is us, shaking everything, at a medium pace, to keep power wafting up to us like so much smoke.
Each crisis makes some sliver of sovereignty a reasonable exchange,

…we shall keep promising them to give back all the liberties we have taken away as soon as we have quelled the enemies of peace and tamed all parties…

When? Three words: Real Soon Now. The Americans, I should note, may require a relatively more final solution than others.”

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Newt Gingrich on CPAC

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At Human Events:

Tomorrow, for the 37th time, conservatives will gather in Washington to discuss, debate, and forge new solutions at the Conservative Political Action Conference, or CPAC. . . .
In 1975, then-Governor Ronald Reagan inspired a dispirited conservative movement to revolution at CPAC. In a message that resonates to this day, President Reagan proclaimed, “Our people look for a cause to believe in,” and then asked: “Is it a third party we need, or is it a new and revitalized second party, raising a banner of no pale pastels, but bold colors, which make it unmistakably clear where we stand on all of the issues troubling the people?”
President Reagan’s first speech to CPAC was in its inaugural year in 1973. According to CPAC organizer David Keene, that year, 125 Americans came to CPAC to hear Reagan speak. This year, attendance is expected to top 10,000.

Read the whole thing. Newt’s OK, even if he doesn’t spend enough time hanging out at the lobby bar at CPAC.

Killer Socialist Professor Update

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Harvard-educated murderer Amy Bishop displayed her enlightened, sophisticated academic temperament:

In March, 2002, Bishop walked into an International House of Pancakes in Peabody with her family, asked for a booster seat for one of her children, and learned the last seat had gone to another mother.
Bishop, according to a police report, strode over to the other woman, demanded the seat and launched into a profanity-laced rant.
When the woman would not give the seat up, Bishop punched her in the head, all the while yelling “I am Dr. Amy Bishop.”

She got probation. Because she was, after all, Dr. Amy Bishop.

The Protocols of the Elders of CTHULHU X. External Appearances

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by Smitty (INTRODUCTION)

At first it appeared a table, that long, rectangular, gunmetal surface dominating the space.

The softness of the speaker’s voice was low enough that the breathing of three or four attendees, probably getting ready for medication of some sort, was noticeable.
Thus, a distant moaning from outside of the room, as of a beleaguered, cornered animal which knows it shan’t see another sunrise, but still unhappy about the pain separating it from final oblivion, started to interfere with the current topic.
The speaker was droning on about appearances, while the squid hooked a tentacle over the lip of the fishbowl to improve its vantage of the bodies on the floor.

“…bear in mind that governments and peoples are content in the political with outside appearnces.

Voting, and the political races leading up to the elections, shall be a crucial…

…in order to establish an absolute majority, which cannot be got from the educated propertied classes. In this way by inculcating in all a sense of self-importance, we shall destroy among the [proletariat] the importance of the family and its educational value and remove the possibility of individual mindes splitting off, for the mob, handled by us, will not let them come to the front nor even give them a hearing…

In order that our scheme may produce this result we shall arrange elections in favour of such presidents as have in their past some dark, undiscovered stain…then they will be trustworthy agents for the accomplishment of our plans out of fear of revelations and from the natural desire of everyone who has attained power, namely, the retention of the privileges, advantages and honour connected with the office of president.

You see why, for all the media must claim to serve truth, and schools must claim to be bias-free bastions of the free exchange of ideas, they must be anything but. The ignorance of the mob, both of history in general and of the backgrounds of leaders, is key to control.”

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It’s CPAC Time!

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From my column today in the American Spectator:

Lisa De Pasquale was preparing Tuesday morning to depart her office in Northern Virginia to set up operations at Washington’s Marriott Wardman Park Hotel, and she wasn’t the only one planning such a trip. Across the country, thousands of conservative activists are making their way to the hotel in northwest D.C. that is the site of this year’s Conservative Political Action Conference beginning Thursday.
As CPAC director, De Pasquale spends all year planning and organizing the annual three-day conference that is the largest gathering of its kind in the country. The event has become so huge that it was moved this year from its longtime home at the Omni Shoreham Hotel to the larger Marriott Wardman Park, just off Connecticut Avenue near the Woodley Park Metro station.
“We’re at a larger facility this year, but it looks like we’re already going to be bursting at the seams,” said De Pasquale. “Right now, we’re about 20 percent above pre-registration for last year. So we’re expecting between 9,000 and 10,000, if on-site registration is on pace with last year.”

Read the whole thing. For my friends who are attending their first CPAC — this list includes Barbara Espinosa of American Freedom and Pete at Da Tech Guy — I strongly suggest reading Jimmie Bise’s “Rookie Guide to CPAC,” which offers helpful advice like this:

CPAC is a lot like Disney World. There are all sort of wonderful places to go and things to see and people walking around in costumes (I am not kidding about this) and you will be sorely tempted to try to see everything. Let me tell you right now, you can’t see everything and if you try, you’re going to end up tired and cranky, just like at Disney World. The nice folks at CPAC have provided an agenda, though, and therein lies your first key to sailing through like a professional. Print it out, grab a highlighter, and pick the events you most want to attend. Pick about three of them each day, four if you’re ambitious, but no more than that.
Here’s the important thing when you’re making that list. If you want to see one of the big speeches like, say, Glenn Beck’s keynote of Ann Coulter’s Saturday speech, plan on standing on line for at least 45 minutes. . . .

Yeah. Then there’s Plan B: Hang out with me in the hotel lobby bar, saunter down to the main ballroom right after the crowd reaches fire-code capacity, then I’ll tell my buddy the security guy that you’re a VIP and — presto! — you’re in like Flynn.

For some reason, Plan B works best when the alleged VIP is an extremely attractive woman. And here’s the thing: Even if Plan B doesn’t work, we just go back to the lobby bar, which is where all the real fun is, anyway.

Barbara Espinosa is a genuine VIP, so she’ll be attending the special 7 p.m. pre-CPAC dinner tonight. The rest of us losers will convene in the lobby bar and stay until they throw us out. Little Miss Attila will be there and, as usual, she’ll be expecting me to buy the martinis, so please hit the tip jar. She can really put away the gin . . .

David Brooks Advocates the Total Wussification of American Men

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Revenge of the wuss:

The gap between the male and female unemployment rates has reached its highest level since the government began keeping such records. . . .
[L]ast November nearly a fifth of all men between 25 and 54 did not have jobs, the highest figure since the labor bureau began counting in 1948. . . .
For decades, men have adapted poorly to the shifting demands of the service economy. Now they are paying the price. . . .
First, we need to redefine masculinity, creating an image that encourages teenage boys to stay in school and older men to pursue service jobs. Evangelical churches have done a lot to show how manly men can still be nurturing. Obviously, more needs to be done, and schools need to be more boy-friendly. . . .

Oh, great. You hear that, guys? If you’re out of a job, it’s your fault. But don’t worry: You’re all going to get jobs as “nuturing counselors” and Starbucks clerks.

The Protocols of the Elders of CTHULHU: IX. Re-education

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by Smitty (INTRODUCTION)

Retainers whisked the dozen to a long, narrow meeting room with a glass side facing Lake Totenkopf with a low table.

The squid in the fish bowl surveyed the room, making thoughtful rippling motions. No one wanted to pay attention to it, so they sat on their various torture chairs and paid even more attention to the speaker.
Having described the military, economic, and informational means by which the existing world governments would be ground down, the topic turned to the reeducation of humanity along improved lines.

“We have in our service persons of all opinions, of all doctrines, restorating monarchists, demagogues, socialists, communists, and utopian dreamers of every kind.

…

Division into fractional parties has given the into our hands, for, in order to carry on a contested struggle, one must have money, and the money is all in our hands.

…

We have got our hands into the administration of the law, into the conduct of elections, into the press, into the liberty of the person, but principally into education and training as being the corner stones of a free existence.
We have fooled, bemused and corrupted the youth of the [proletariat] by rearing them in principles and theories which are known to us to be false although it is by us that they have been inculcated.

Anthropogenic global warming, for example, has been a minor setback. That some twitch of conscience led to the disclosure, and some dying embers of leadership exist online is merely an annoyance.
The public figures whom we’ve lauded and awarded have lately been rendered more useless than usual, due to the weather. No matter. Our fell purpose both predated and shall survive them.”

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