Rock and Roll, and Other Subjects About Which Dan Collins Knows Nothing

Granted, this could be a very long post, but I just happened to notice Dan blathering on about some artsy New Wave poseurs and felt a need to point out the Neutral Objective Fact that no genuinely great rock and roll music was recorded after Sept. 25, 1980, the day John Bonham died.

How awesome was Led Zeppelin? For the most part, the lyrics were incomprehensible gibberish. More often than not, Robert Plant sang flat.

And nobody f–kin’ cared, because it was so f–kin’ awesome. Continue reading Rock and Roll, and Other Subjects About Which Dan Collins Knows Nothing →

Separated At Birth? Stacy McCain/Dave Mustaine Edition

by Smitty

The news today that Dave Mustaine, who may or may not be a loyal reader of this blog, endorsed Rick Santorum today came to me via a print copy of the DC Examiner while attending to a private, non-work-related matter at my job site.

Isn’t the resemblance striking? But I think the resemblance goes deeper than superficial:

  1. Talks to God every day? Check.
  2. Goes to court when he has to? Check.
  3. Nothing better to do than be prompt at work, broke due to clearing his bills? Check, check, write that frickin’ check!

Guitar case closed, my friends.

a thousand thank-yous to Belvedere for photo support.

Obscure Musical Allusion Blog Post Title Sweepstakes: Joy Division, for the Win!

“It’s like being assigned to cover a psychotic breakdown, so that the challenge as a journalist is to report accurately all the paranoid gibberish, the bizarre hallucinations and delusions of grandeur.”
— Robert Stacy McCain, Jan. 11, 2012

“But there is no point in haggling any longer with this. The time has come to get full bore into heavy Gonzo Journalism, and this time we have no choice but to push it all the way out to the limit. The phone is ringing again and I can hear Crouse downstairs trying to put them off. . . .
“Only a lunatic would do this kind of work . . . Where is the meaning? That light at the end of the tunnel?
“Crouse is yelling again. They want more copy. . . . Those halfwit sons of bitches should subscribe to a wire service . . . a whole grab-bag of weird news; just rip it off the top and print whatever comes up. Just the other day the AP wire had a story about a man from Arkansas who entered some kind of contest and won a two-week vacation — all expenses paid — wherever he wanted to go. Anyplace in the world: Mongolia, Easter Island, the Turkish Riviera . . . but his choice was Salt Lake City, and that’s where he went.
“Is this man a registered voter? Has he come to grips with the issues? Has he bathed in the blood of the lamb?”

— Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail ’72

Allusion is one of those literary devices with which I have a love-hate relationship: I love to employ allusions, but recognize that such references may be wasted in our subliterate postmodern culture, and I’m occasionally annoyed when some hipster smartass drops an allusion to something sufficiently obscure that I have to look it up.

We’ll get to Bob Belvedere in a minute, but first let me explain that sometimes allusions can serve the useful purpose of reminding us of our ignorance. Stupidity is incurable, but ignorance can be remediated, and an intelligent person should have enough pride to feel the sting when confronted with evidence of his ignorance.

Having partied my way through college, I emerged with an eclectic hodgepodge of an education, full of gaps representing classes I’d skipped or where I’d done only enough work to slide by with a C. And so, in my early to mid-20s, I began to recognize the vast depth and breadth of my own ignorance. One of the clues to this problem was when I’d pick up a magazine like The New Republic or Vanity Fair and, in the middle of an article, see a word like “Burkean” or “Tocquevillean.”

Now, I had enough of an education to know that there were such persons as Edmund Burke and Alexis de Tocqueville, and that these were important authors of influential works. And I was certainly fluent enough as a reader to deduce from contextual clues what the writers meant by phrases like “Burkean critique” or “Tocquevillean self-governance.” But I’d never actually read Reflections on the Revolution in France or Democracy in America, so that these allusions in magazine articles were picking at the scabs, as it were, of my wounded intellectual pride.

Eventually, I was prodded into pursuing a course of intense auto-didacticism, remediating my ignorance to such a degree that some friends have praised my “encyclopedic” knowledge of such things — praise that perhaps goes too far, but certainly reflects how hard I’ve worked over the years to fill in the gaps of my education. (Indeed, I’ve even been called a “Hayekian intellectual”!)

One of my most unusual encounters with such an allusion was the Police song, “Don’t Stand So Close to Me”:

It’s no use. He sees her.
He starts to shake and cough.
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabokov.

Again, I was sufficiently educated to have some sense of who Vladimir Nabokov was and, given the obvious contextual clues, understood that this was a reference to Lolita.

However, I’d never actually read the book, and this smartass allusion — damned British New Wave punks! — was enough to make me go out and buy the book, just so I could say I’d read it.

Well, surprise, surprise! Nabokov’s most famous (perhaps infamous) novel is a quite challenging piece of work, embedded with all manner of allusions and symbols that I frankly didn’t understand. The key clue of Lolita‘s inverted murder mystery — “Waterproof!” — completely eluded my recognition, and I failed even to comprehend how the novel functions as a sort of devious satire.

This made me feel stupid. And I don’t like feeling stupid.

Eventually, however, I encountered The Annotated Lolita, with an introduction and extensive footnotes by Alfred Appel Jr, who had been one of Nabokov’s college students. Suddenly the meaning of all those obscure references was revealed, and I felt slightly smarter (and much less ignorant).

Longtime readers will have by now noticed my fondness for the works of Hunter S. Thompson, which is a double-edged sword. If you love the legendary Gonzo journalist and also like this blog, this is clearly a compliment to my work. But I realize that some may disdain me as offering a cheap imitation of Thompsonesque writing, and I also realize that there are some people who hate Thompson.

Pearls. Swine. Et cetera.

The fact that Thompson was himself attempting to emulate his own literary heroes — including Fitzgerald and Hemingway and, to a lesser degree, Norman Mailer — is generally overlooked. What was original in Thompson has to be understood in light of those influences, but I didn’t start this post with the idea of conducting a Gonzo Journalism Seminar and we’re already past the 700-word mark, so I’ll avoid that digression.

My point in bringing up Hunter S. Thompson was that there are a lot of people who “know” his work in the sense that I once “knew” Burke, Tocqueville and Nabokov: They are familiar with his name and know him by reputation, but have never taken the time to fully acquaint themselves with his work or really understand what he was all about.

It is my hope, of course, that my frequent references to Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail ’72 have caused a few of you actually to buy the book, because I insist that you can’t really understand what’s going on in this year’s Republican presidential primary campaign unless you go back and see what Thompson wrote about the 1972 Democratic campaign. Were I asked to teach a college course on political journalism, that book would certainly be on the syllabus, because what Thompson did was absolutely some of the most honest and insightful writing ever published about politics.

Also, it’s funny as hell. Continue reading Obscure Musical Allusion Blog Post Title Sweepstakes: Joy Division, for the Win! →

Rush Novel In The Works

by Smitty

Pollstar reports that the new Rush record is going to have a novel backing it:

Science fiction author Kevin J. Anderson recently announced on his website that he will write a novelization of Rush’s upcoming album, Clockwork Angels.
Anderson, who wrote a slew of “Star Wars” books in the 1990s, including his Jedi Academy trilogy as well as the Young Jedi Knights series with author Rebecca Moesta, is working with his longtime friend, Rush drummer Neil Peart on the project.
“For more than twenty years, Neil and I have wanted to collaborate on something MAJOR, a way we could tie together our imaginations, and at last that’s happening,” Anderson wrote.
“I’m writing the novelization of Rush’s forthcoming album, Clockwork Angels, their first new CD in five years. Imagine if someone had written the novel of The Wall, Tommy, or Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band when those classic albums were released. For Rush fans, Clockwork Angels is that project.”
Anderson said he worked with Peart to “flesh out” the story as well as with artist Hugh Syme whose paintings will fill the CD booklet. The author described the story as a “young man’s quest to follow his dreams” who is “caught between the grandiose forces of order and chaos.”

Excellent. If I may confess, I’ve been enjoying The Boneyard in the car on the commute, and they offered a nice retro piece from Hemispheres today that was almost about how Hope and Change stay the same:

Geriatric Halftime Show

‘Gaze upon my cosmic crotch in awe, earthlings!’

Let me be clear: I never cared much for Madonna’s Ă©pater le bourgeois act when she was still considered the hottest thing in show business, dating Sean Penn and making headlines with her various “what-will-she-do-next” stunts. Judged strictly as a musical act, I thought she peaked with her first album — “Lucky Star” had a nice dance beat and a catchy chorus — and after that, she became obsessed with the idea that she was a daring avant-garde figure, a historic personality pushing the envelope with each new MTV video.

There was a vast publicity machine dedicated to promoting Madonna’s delusions of artistic grandeur, but I never bought into the hype.

Music should be about music. Madonna became all about image, and her image-mongering finally jumped the shark in 1992 when she published Sex, a book featuring “artsy” nude photos of her, timed to coincide with the release of her Erotica album.

The album sucked, and the book . . . meh.

She just wasn’t that hot. So if most American were already bored with Madonna 20 years ago, why would we want to watch her prancing around and lip-synching her old songs at age 53? Were the producers of the Super Bowl just trying to prove that the NFL — which has previously featured other geezer acts like the Rolling Stones in their halftime shows — isn’t guilty of sexist age discrimination?

What next for the Super Bowl? Irene Cara singing “Flashdance”? A halftime reunion show for Kajagoogoo or Culture Club, with maybe a guest appearance by Adam Ant singing a duet with Boy George?

The ridiculous pageantry of Madonna’s show Sunday, with a cast of thousands and a budget bigger than any Cecil B. DeMille spectacular from the Golden Age of Hollywood, inspired me to scoff on Twitter, “Madonna needs to be careful. At her age, if she falls down, she could break a hip.” What I didn’t realize when I made that wisecrack was that she nearly did exactly that:

It’s one thing to bring back Golden Oldies acts for a nostalgia trip. But Madonna the Menopausal Sex Goddess, writhing around as if she were still the same 24-year-old whose bellybutton-baring midriff tops inspired a teenage fashion fad? The precedent is disturbing.

Fifteen or 20 years from now, my grandkids might be watching the Super Bowl halftime show and asking, “Grandpa, who’s that fat blonde lady in the funny-looking costume?”

Her name is Britney Spears.

“Grandpa, why is she wearing a plaid schoolgirl skirt and knee socks?”

Uh, well, you see, back in the day . . .

“Oh, gross! Did you see that, Grandpa? She flashed her panties!”

Yup. Same old Britney . . .

P.S.: Just in case you were tempted to feel sorry for Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, who lost a 21-17 heartbreaker to the Giants, remember that he went home with supermodel Gisele Bundchen. Loser? I don’t think so.