Where Is Your Gallows Humor? Alvin Greene For President In 2012!

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by Smitty (h/t No Quarter)

Stacy thought it may have been raaaaacism.
Jon Stewart didn’t think so, as he sent up the Alvin Greene story:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Alvin Greene Wins South Carolina Primary
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

What seems puzzling to me is that no one is advocating Alvin Greene to run against BHO in 2012. Why not? Same blank slate, but Greene seems to have a better grasp of brevity while showing up with nothing.

Hey, if we’re not going to confine the Federal government to Federal tasks, and instead continue the debt-driven dive downward, demise-directed, then what difference does it make?

If we push hard enough, this country can make Hugo Chavez look competent. Yes We Can!

A Baseball Theory

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by Smitty

Baseball Crank has a post entitled “BASEBALL: Year of the Slightly Better Pitcher”

While out in Idaho, we grilled some steaks. A rancher friend was over, and I alluded to the stolen third perfect game of the year. Out of nowhere, the fellow outs himself as a tremendous baseball fan, praising it as requiring more skill and athleticism than any other sport. Sure.

His post-worthy theory, though, was that the reason for the sudden rash of perfect games was that MLB has gotten off the dope. His notion was that, sans steroids and “mother’s little helpers”, batters were rolling off the bus three games into the road trip and doing about as well as BHO without a teleprompter up at the plate. Fresh pitchers on the home turf were wrecking these suddenly mortal batters.

I’m not enough of an aficionado to do more than pass this along.

Curb Your Vice President

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Global warming is a crisis, but evidently not such a huge crisis that a guy can’t take a few minutes to screw around:

Al Gore’s split from wife Tipper after 40 years of marriage was a shock to everyone who thought theirs was the ideal marriage. . . .

(Who is this “everyone” who thought that?)

[T]he former Vice President was having an affair with Larry David’s ex-wife — for the past two years!
Al and Tipper’s breakup didn’t come as much of a surprise to one Hollywood player — Laurie David. Star has learned that Al has been having an affair with Laurie, who divorced Seinfeld creator and Curb Your Enthusiasm star Larry David in 2007 amidst reports she was cheating with the caretaker of their Martha’s Vineyard summer home. . . .

(Ever the Beta male, Al was getting the domestic help’s sloppy seconds.)

“Al and Laurie went from friends to lovers,” an insider tells Star. “It couldn’t be avoided.”

“It couldn’t be avoided” — like there was a irresistible gravitation pull. This was a situation was beyond anyone’s control. Al was a victim of quantum physics. Dan Riehl twists the knife:

Funny that she would dump the guy caring for her garden, for the guy who tends the world’s garden! She moved on to bigger things, I guess.

“Bigger things” — we presume this refers to Al’s waistline.

UPDATE: Laurie David denies that Al made her climate change. No comment on doing the caretaker.

UPDATE II: As a sommenter noted, Ace of Spades had this item five hours before I did, and the AOSHQ crew hammered it in the comments like the caretaker doing Laurie David.

Census Worker Murdered

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When a Census worker was found dead in Kentucky last year, Rick Ungar proclaimed “Send the Body to Glenn Beck” and Andrew Sullivan suspected “Southern populist terrorism, whipped up by the GOP and its Fox and talk radio cohorts.”

Bill Sparkman’s death turned out to be suicide.

So, who’s to blame for killing Census workers now?

A U.S. Census Bureau worker has been shot and killed while working in Baltimore . . .
Baltimore police and Census officials say Spencer Williams was shot several times inside his car on June 7 after he gave a co-worker a ride home. . . .
Police have no suspects or motive in the slaying but say they don’t believe it was related to his work. Census officials say Williams was a team leader in charge of about 10 Census takers.
Census bureau spokesman Stephen Buckner says Williams is the eighth Census employee to have died on the job this year. The other seven were killed in car accidents. Another worker was slain off-duty in a domestic incident.

Did you catch that? Car accidents — not Glenn Beck or Michelle Bachmann — are the leading cause of death for Census workers.

Meanwhile, in a related investigation, authorities are still seeking clues in the death of Andrew Sullivan’s credibility.

How Freedom Died

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Incredible: 

The White House on Monday outlined broad new rules designed to prevent employers from dropping health insurance benefits for their workers or shifting huge new costs onto them.
The regulations empower the administration to revoke the so-called grandfather status of businesses that shift “significant” new burdens onto employees — a considerable penalty that would subject those plans to all the consumer protections in the Democrats’ new healthcare reform law.

Government requiring companies to provide health insurance and mandating how much of that cost can be paid by employees.

It’s over. We’re Sweden.

Nikki Haley Leads Big

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Rasmussen says she’s looking good:

State Representative Nikki Haley is running stronger than her Republican Primary runoff opponent in the general election for South Carolina’s first open gubernatorial race since 1994 . . .
Haley fell just short of 50% support in last Tuesday’s primary race. She and [U.S. Rep. Gresham] Barrett will face off in a runoff election on June 22.

Haley would romp against the Democrat, Vincent Sheheen, 55%-34%. Meanwhile, she is getting endorsed by one of her previous opponents, state attorney general Henry McMaster.

Who and Why?

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The story behind the story of the Bob Etheridge video continues to fascinate Washington. While people in North Carolina are wondering why a seven-term Democratic congressman went nuts when asked whether he supported President Obama, Washington Post gossip columnists Roxeanne Roberts and Amy Argetsinger follow David Weigel’s angle.

Is it as interesting as Miley Cyrus? No.

On the other hand, Miley Cyrus isn’t a member of the House Ways and Means Committee. But at least one Democrat has suggested the possibility of congressional upskirts so . . .