The Stupid Goes All the Way to Eleven

@LynnParramore has a Ph.D. in English and cultural theory from New York University. Last week, Parramore made a complete fool of herself by writing a column about a grocery store playing the Rolling Stones 1966 song “Under My Thumb”:

As I listened, I thought about how the song plays in the wake of Elliot Rodger’s killing spree, fueled, as the killer explained in a lengthy manifesto, by his rage against women and desire to control them.
We’ve been wringing our hands, asking how young men can become so hostile and eager to dominate to women. Well, isn’t it because our culture feeds them the message at every turn, even in the most mundane settings? What does it mean that degradation of half the population is considered appropriate background noise to everyday life?
In “Under My Thumb,” the singer boasts about how he’s gained control of his girl, comparing her to, among other things, a squirming dog.

The obvious objection to Dr. Parramore’s complaint is that it is a non sequitur. There is zero evidence that Elliot Rodger was motivated by song lyrics of any kind and we have no reason to believe that Rodger ever heard “Under My Thumb.” By contrast, I’ve heard the song many times and I never went on a killing spree.

Heck, I’m not even “hostile and eager to dominate to women,” despite years of exposure to the Rolling Stones and other rock-and-roll groups that specialized in that sort of strutting macho posture. Here is the opening line of of a favorite song by Bad Company:

Well, I take whatever I want
And baby, I want you.

Pretty doggone misogynistic, really, but it was just rock-and-roll. Here’s another classic favorite by Led Zeppelin:

Hey, hey, mama, said the way you move,
Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove.

Definitely some kind of sexism there, but it’s still just rock-and-roll. Contrary to Dr. Parramore’s diagnosis, listening to rock-and-roll didn’t inspire me to a “rage against women,” nor do we have any evidence that Elliot Rodger was into rock-and-roll.

Matt Welch wrote a column at Reason magazine pointing out the absurdity of Dr. Parramore’s complaint, and some people responded by saying rude things about Dr. Parramore.

She wrote an entire column about the reaction:

A great many of the commenters degraded me as a woman, hurling insults and violent language. . . .
I suspect the rage has several sources: the impotence felt by men in a stagnant economy, the collective guilt of men and women who feel complicit in not speaking up themselves, and the old, primal fear of women having too much power, too much say. Many expressed outrage that I’m a woman with advanced academic degrees, a person who gets paid to write, a person confident enough to speak up.
The insults are a demand for silence, a return to the status quo, a warning.

You see that Dr. Parramore, having misdiagnosed Elliot Roger as a victim of rock-and-roll, now presumes to diagnose her critics as suffering from “impotence . . . collective guilt . . . primal fear.”

The alternate theory — that her stupid arguments are offensive to rock-and-roll fans — is one Dr. Parramore never even considers.

 

Dumb Songs of Classic Rock

When I’m in the car, I like to listen to the “Classic Hits” radio station — basically, rock-and-roll from the 1970s, which was the pinnacle, as far as I’m concerned. Amid all the great music from that great era, however, there are some songs that make you scratch your head in mystification: “How did that lame crap ever become a hit?”

But hey, it was the ’70s and we were all high, y’know.

Nobody had more lame-crap hits than Steve Miller Band, and don’t get me wrong: I liked Steve Miller back in the day, and still enjoy listening to his hits, but from the standpoint of songcraft, the guy sucked. The closest he ever got to writing lyrics that made any sense at all was “Take the Money and Run,” but that song is a celebration of murder and robbery, so it kind of proves the point.

Here’s the way I figure Steve Miller operated as a songwriter: He would come up with a nifty little guitar riff, and then a catch-phrase to be repeated in the chorus. Once he had the guitar riff and the chorus, he would be like, “Yeah, OK, gotta write some verses now.”

This is where the whole thing always went to hell. You can go through the song catalog of the Steve Miller Band and good luck finding more than one or two songs where the lyrics of the verses have a damn thing to do with the chorus — or with anything else, really.

Even in his biggest hit, “The Joker,” the lyrics are total nonsense, and don’t even get me started on “Jungle Love.” The guy obviously wasn’t even trying to write lyrics. He just sang whatever the hell came into his head — any words that rhymed would do — and nobody seemed to care, because the albums kept selling.

While it’s hard to say that there was ever a worse song than “Jungle Love,” however, the prototypical stupid Steve Miller Band hit, which actually made it to No. 1 in 1976, was “Rock’n Me”:

Well I’ve been lookin’ real hard
And I’m tryin’ to find a job
But it just keeps gettin’ tougher every day
But I got to do my part cause I know in my heart
I got to please my sweet baby, yeah

Well, I ain’t superstitious
And I don’t get suspicious
But my woman is a friend of mine
And I know that it’s true that all the things that I do
Will come back to me in my sweet time

So keep on rockin’ me baby
Keep on a rockin’ me baby
Keep on a rockin’ me baby
Keep on a rockin’ me baby

I went from Phoenix, Arizona
All the way to Tacoma
Philadelphia, Atlanta, L.A.
Northern California where the girls are warm
So I could be with my sweet baby, yeah

Keep on a rockin’ me baby . . .

Et cetera. I mean, c’mon: “Northern California where the girls are warm”? What the hell does that even mean, Steve? But from such ridiculous nothingness, the man crafted a career!

And just in case you’re wondering, the B-side of the single of “Rock’n Me” was a song entitled, “Shu Ba Da Du Ma Ma Ma Ma.”

 

Virginia’s Overarching Shame Revealed: Dave Matthews #1?

by Smitty

According to this Time article, Dave Matthews is Virginia’s favorite musician. By that map, I need to move to Delaware, which fancies Rush, no doubt as an act of Joe Biden compensation.

In fairness to Matthews, he’s funny. Here he is impersonating Ozzy Ozbourne, while Hader impersonates him.

Dave Matthews as Ozzy Osbourne (Saturday Night Live) from painted stone on Vimeo.

As an artist, though, I find Matthews an answer to the question: What if Jack Johnson had too many instruments, and was over-produced to a fair-thee-well?

Jason Mraz is endlessly listenable. Even Donavon Frankenreiter. But for some reason I just can’t take Dave Matthews.

via Hot Air headlines.

‘Nobody Matters Less to Our Society Than Young Black Women. Nobody.’

The headline quote is from a very long Village Voice interview with former Chicago Sun-Times reporter Jim DeRogatis about the sexual accusations against pop singer R. Kelly. Since the release of the singer’s latest album, Black Panties, DeRogatis has quite evidently become angry at the way Kelly’s predatory conduct has been glossed over, or even tacitly endorsed, by some music journalists.

Part of the problem, as the interview makes clear, is the issue of race: “Kelly never misbehaved with a single white girl who sued him or that we know of. Mark Anthony Neal, the African-American scholar, makes this point: one white girl in Winnetka and the story would have been different. No, it was young black girls and all of them settled [their lawsuits against Kelley]. They settled because they felt they could get no justice whatsoever. They didn’t have a chance.”

That’s only part of the problem, however: Civil lawsuits are a poor substitute for criminal prosecution. Because Kelly’s accusers filed civil suits and accepted settlements rather than making criminal charges, the impression was created that the crimes alleged against Kelly weren’t actually crimes, and that the girls involved were just “bitches, hos, and gold diggers,” as DeRogatis says.

Another part of the problem, DeRogatis explains, is that many music journalists aren’t very good journalists. That is to say, they’ve never done any actual reporting outside the world of record reviews and publicity-oriented interviews, and therefore don’t really know how to report a crime story:

A lot of people who are critics are fans and don’t come with any academic background, with any journalistic background, research background. Now, nobody knows everything, and far be it from me to say you’ve got to be a journalist or you have to have studied critical theory in the academy. Part of what we do is journalistic. Get the names right, get the dates right, get the facts right. Sometimes, on a very rare number of stories, there’s a deeper level of reporting required.

The interviewer, Jessica Hopper, makes this point:

Some of our young critical peers, they’re 24 and all they know of Kelly’s past is some vague sense of scandal, because they were introduced to him as kids via Space Jam. A lot of your reporting on this is not online, it is not Google-able. Collective memory is that he “just” peed in a girl’s mouth. . . .
I feel that a lot of younger journalists came up through blogs, not journalism school. They are fearful to write about it because they don’t know what they can say, what language they can use, if they can be sued for even acknowledging charges.

 Now, let’s be clear: This is not about whether or not you went to journalism school. I didn’t go to j-school, nor did a lot of the journalists I’ve worked with over the years. In fact, many editors will tell you not to major in journalism, but to study history or political science.

The point is, most of the skills involved in reporting can only be learned on the job in real-world situations. How do you learn to do cops-and-courts reporting? By doing cops-and-courts reporting. Unfortunately, a lot of people in the world of journalism today have never had the experience of working at a small newspaper where a staff writer has to be able to do all kinds of reporting: If the cops-and-courts guy is out sick, somebody in the newsroom draws the short straw and has to go get the daily blotter report down at the sheriff’s department.

Anyway, as Jessica Hopper says, a lot of the original reporting about the accusations against R. Kelly is “not Google-able,” which is another problem of 21st-century journalism: The absurdly lazy belief that everything worth knowing about any subject will show up on the first page of a Google search. Everything on Wikipedia is accepted as gospel, and nothing else matters.

At the end of her interview with Jim DeRogatis, Hopper embeds multiple Scribd documents with Lexis-Nexis printouts of the original Sun-Times reporting about the accusations against R. Kelly and she quotes DeRogatis about Kelly’s crimes:

Rapes, plural. It is on record. Rapes in the dozen. So stop hedging your words and when you tell me what a brilliant ode to pussy Black Panties is, then realize that the next sentence should say: “This, from a man who has committed numerous rapes.” The guy was a monster! Just say it! We do have a justice system and he was acquitted. OK, fine. And these other women took the civil-lawsuit route. He was tried on very narrow grounds. He was tried on a 29-minute, 36-second videotape. He was tried on trading child pornography. He was not tried for rape. He was acquitted of making child pornography. He’s never been tried in court for rape, but look at the statistics. The numbers of rapes that happened, the numbers of rapes that were reported, the numbers of rapes that make it to court and then the conviction rate. I mean, it comes down to something minuscule. He’s never had his day in court as a rapist. It’s 15 years in the past now, but this record exists.

 

Tony Sheridan, R.I.P.

The Beatles had their first recording sessions as his backup band during their formative Hamburg phase. He has died at age 72:

In the spring of 1961, the German producer and composer Bert Kaempfert offered recording contracts to both Mr. Sheridan and the Beatles, with the intention of using the Beatles as Mr. Sheridan’s backup band, but with the option of recording them separately as well.
During sessions in Hamburg in 1961 and 1962, Mr. Sheridan and the Beatles recorded nine songs together. Mr. Sheridan sang seven of them — “My Bonnie,” “The Saints,” “Why (Can’t You Love Me Again),” “Nobody’s Child,” “Take Out Some Insurance On Me, Baby,” “Sweet Georgia Brown” and “Swanee River.” The other two were purely Beatles performances: “Cry for a Shadow,” an instrumental by Lennon and Harrison, and “Ain’t She Sweet,” with Lennon singing.
When the first single from the sessions, “My Bonnie” — a rocked-up version of the folk ballad, “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean” — was released in Germany on the Polydor label in October 1961, Beatles’ fans in Liverpool flooded local record shops with requests for the disc. One shop manager, Brian Epstein, decided to see what all the fuss was about, and caught a performance by the group at the Cavern, a club not far from his store. He quickly persuaded the Beatles to hire him as their manager, and within a year, he got them a recording contract of their own with EMI. They recorded their first album, “Please Please Me,” 50 years ago this month.

Here are two cuts from the Sheridan/Beatles sessions, the second featuring classic photos of the Beatles in Hamburg:

 

 

‘And the Grammy Award for Most Implausibly Enhanced Cleavage …’

Katy Perry displayed her ginormous silicone implants.

“Write what you know” is always good advice, and two things I definitely know are awards shows and cleavage.

Back in the day, it was regularly my duty as an assistant national editor working the late-night desk at The Washington Times to compile (in a format known as “combined dispatches”) our coverage of the Tony, Emmy, Grammy and Oscar awards. We went through three editions and the story would have to be updated for each edition until the “three-star” final. It was an enormous headache, with the copy desk awaiting the story as each deadline approached, and me trying to keep up with this celebrity trivia while monitoring the wire services for other late-breaking news developments, also usually covering for the foreign desk on the third edition. God forbid there should be an earthquake or a coup in some foreign country during an awards-show Sunday.

Having escaped that senseless drudgery when I resigned from The Washington Times five years ago — it was as if God said, “Go” — I can’t remember watching an awards show since then. What kind of shallow and adolescent personality would pay attention to these phony made-for-TV spectacles, unless they were being paid to do so as a condition of their employment? So I woke up this morning to the news that the Pope had resigned and, after aggregating that, I then saw the Viral Read liveblog of the Grammy Awards which alerted me to the big news that Katy Perry’s breasts stole the show. And then I went to WeSmirch where, sure enough, I saw the headline:

Katy Perry Is The Only Two Things
That Mattered At The Grammys

She’s actually a very talented singer, and thus the question arises, “Why does Katy Perry feel the need to get breast implants and display the obviously artificial results in this ostentatious manner?”

Don’t even try to tell me those are real, Katy. Trust me, girl, I was an expert on breasts before you were even born, and those are fakies.

Exit Question: Why is it considered offensively “sexist” for guys to pay attention to cleavage, yet it’s entirely acceptable — cute! clever! funny! — when lesbian Ellen DeGeneres does it?