by Smitty
- She’s 1/32 Cherokee, sort of.
- She flips houses with her bare hands.

[The rest adapted from here]
- She’s fluent in all languages, especially Liberalese.
- She tips an astonishing 100%, but not to conservatives.
- Once while sailing around the world, she discovered a short cut.
- When sailing the wind is always at her back. Politically, not so much.
- Panhandlers give her money.
- She does political Calculus in her head, with non-Euclidian results.
- She always rounds to five decimal points, and in her favor.
- Her 7th-inning stretch could last through the 9th….
- She’s never not sat up straight.
- As a toddler she taught others to walk.
- At the book store people crowd to see her read.
- Athletes seek her autograph.
- Her passport requires no photo, just like her voting ballot.
- She can keep one eye on the past while looking into the future, especially on genealogy.
- When she drives her new car off the lot it increases in value.
- Her 1913 Duesenberg still has that new car smell.
- Though she can’t walk on water she’s never slipped on ice.
Update:
At Gettysburg, Elizabeth Warren charged Pickett. $20. #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate
— Chris Smith (@smitty_one_each) June 3, 2012
Elizabeth Warren knows Kenneth’s frequency. #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate
— Chris Smith (@smitty_one_each) June 3, 2012
Elizabeth Warren was set to rescue Davy Crockett, until discovering it was not The Battle of the Alimony #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate
— Chris Smith (@smitty_one_each) June 3, 2012
Elizabeth Warren was suntanning on Omaha Beach. #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate
— Chris Smith (@smitty_one_each) June 3, 2012
Elizabeth Warren allegedly shot the sheriff, but has been exonerated in the case of the deputy. #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate
— Chris Smith (@smitty_one_each) June 3, 2012
Elizabeth Warren still finds time to rock with her Judas Priest tribute band, “Screaming for Vengeance” #WorldsMostInterestingCandidate
— Chris Smith (@smitty_one_each) June 3, 2012