Month: February 2010

Announcement: The Protocols of the Elders of CTHULHU

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by Smitty

Now it can be revealed!
At the 2010 World Economic Forum, a tiny cabal, the people behind the people behind the people, broke off for a separate meeting, in which their diabolical plot for world conquest was laid out for a dozen chosen ones.
No YouTube; no .jpg; no audio; a mere hardcopy transcript which has fallen into our hands for a quick edit and shameless re-transmission to warn people of the danger. Fear.
Stay tuned as Porch Manqué Productions rolls out, at the rate of four installments per day, the transcript of the meeting of the Human Union and the Committee To Harmonize Universal Law:
The Protocols of the Elders of CTHULHU…

As is our policy, we try to get copies of our work out for initial feedback. PMP is proud to have a popularity track record that makes the approval rating of the POTUS seem relatively good. Just doin’ our part!

  • Alan Turing: In Smitty’s case, it is impossible to distinguish whether he is an idiot or a piece of software posing as an idiot.
  • http://dogfirelake.comRaaaaacism!
  • Ramtha: Such dreck is the antithesis of the purified self. Smitty appears in the grip of a sad self-hatred. Spirit can turn this around, but someone must pour the spirit out of the fifth.
  • http://doglakefire.comThe Right-o-Sphere can never, ever again question the sanity of Charles Johnson or Andrew Sullivan. Not after this.
  • Juan de Fuca: There were many diseases faced by early explorers. It would be helpful to introduce Smitty to them.
  • http://lakedogfire.comWho knew such unspent hatred, mixed with congenital ignorance, could produce such unmitigated dreck?
  • Warren Harding: A debacle nearly as severe as the formation of the Soviet Union.
  • http://lakefiredog.comWe blame Stacy McCain for what will, without question, be seen as the worst blog atrocity of 2010. Unless Smitty writes again.
  • Elric of Melniboné: If my weakness was not of Biden-esque proportions, I should use Stormbringer on myself rather than read this.
  • http://firelakedog.comThis is really some kind of scheme to force tip jar hits, isn’t it? Some blatant, mindless form of a request for hush money?
  • Oscar Goldman: The next time the Bionic Man needs to go on a suicide mission, we’re sending Smitty instead.

Episodes:

Previous forays into the lungs of farce:

Serious Notes:

  1. Sergei Nilus was a bad man. The act of publishing Protocols of the Elders of Zion as fact, and the subsequent evil useage of that writing, lowers a distasteful act of racism to the level of the diabolical.
    This writing employs “The Protocols of the Meetings of the Learned Elders of Zion” by Sergius Nilus, 2003, University Press of the Pacific.
    Stripped of the asinine anti-Semitism, the book reads like drunken crib notes from Macchiavelli. Anything in this series appearing as a blockquote is from the UPP edition.
  2. I repudiate racism in general, and anti-Semitism in particular. May the Almighty calibrate all of the wrong-headed people perpetuating such, including the Affirmative Action crowd.

Rule 5 Sunday

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by Smitty

The hue and cry over the Danica Patrick crash has been all over the Rule 5-osphere like noxious fumes on Troglopundit.
So let’s start with him. Lance the boil. Boil the lance.

  • Troglopundit noted her 6th place finish back on 07Feb, staking his claim and claiming his steak. (Mistake?)
  • Point of a Gun notes that the economy is sporting cement galoshes when even Hooters hasn’t got enough buoyancy to keep its perky self bobbing playfully above the wavetops.
  • Instapundit, traffic powerhouse and no Rule 5 slouch, was first in (my Google Reader) with news of Brooklyn Decker. I’ve long thought New York streets were shovel-ready, so the fact that she’s the most attractive road improvement project ever was a pleasant surprise.
  • American Power was next in with backup on Brooklyn Decker Syndrome, an important upgrade to BDS.
  • Smash Mouth Politics was also in the SI locker, but went retro with Paulina Porizkova.
  • The Camp of the Saints, keying off Scott Brown’s 41st Republican Senate vote, free associated himself down to Cabo Wabo for Jennifer Aniston’s Birthday. Of course, if we really want to play the 41 card,
    USS McClusky (FFG 41)
    there is only one way to do it right, and this is to mention the USS McClusky (FFG 41)
  • Wade McCusky, a Rule 5 All Star if ever there was, was kind of important
    C. Wade McClusky
    : “In the words of Admiral Chester Nimitz, McClusky’s decision to continue the search for the enemy and his judgment as to where the enemy might be found, “decided the fate of our carrier task force and our forces at Midway…” I’ll venture that, alive today to opine on DADT, CWM would be NPC (Not Politically Correct).
  • SI VIS PACEM had some retro B&W Christine Keeler from ’62, as well as a bit of Monty Python cheek that would be more funny if modern life were not trending that direction.
  • Troglopundit was back, underscoring the Danica fixation with a play at non-Danica blogging. Finding Kyle Boller more attractive than Carrie Prejean is an example of where one doth protest too much, methinks.
  • Bob Belvedere gave us Nancy Crawford. Brunettes.
  • Hyperactive Rule 5 Retiree American Power brought on a Brooklyn Decker roundup, furiously relaxing within the intense downtime of his chillin’ phase.
  • Piece of Work in Progress relates Teri Hatcher, the Donner party, the DC snowstorm, and Jim Treacher. The elusive allusive stew: POWIP’s got it.
  • Dan Riehl points to the Levi Johnston cover at ABC. Later, RSM would show even less restraint an post it straight away. Also, I will not eat balut.
  • Troglopundit came back with still more Danica Patrick blogging, hat tipping a ‘Smitty’, who may or may not resemble me, on days ending in ‘y’.
  • The Daley Gator points to a possible rival: “Irish Cicero, the king of hottie blogging?”
  • Rightofcourse, venturing beyond Melissa Marie Gonzalez and into Danica Patrick territory, marked a turn in the high-speed blogger hit chase. The week would only enweirden (?) after 11Feb10.
  • House of Eratosthenes returned to the traditional alphabet crawl. He brings Victoria Silvstedt and Willa Ford.
  • American Power decried “The ‘Sexualization’ of Ski Champion Lindsey Vonn”. Any man can cry; it takes a trained academic to decry.
  • Belvedere prepped for valentines day with Pajama Gram gals. This invites the question of Pajamas Media/PJTV’s total lack of anyone in jim-jams doing the blogging.
  • Proof Positive features a lady with a Hello Kitty M16. Nothing says ‘love’ like a bubble-gum semi-auto.
  • Fishersville Mike celebrated Jasmine of the Saints, in a post-Super Bowl moment.
  • Israelly Cool reveals that Scarlett Johansson is Jewish. Never mind the Scandanavian name, I thought she sounded rather Italian:

    • I think the point is that ethnicity is fine in a positive sense of remembering where we came from, and maybe we can fret less about it otherwise.

  • Reaganite Resistance brings Hana Soukupová.
  • Dustbury: “Kerry Washington,” said noted asshat John Mayer, “will break your heart like a white girl.”
  • Theo Spark has a “Bedtime Totty” feature about which we’ve no complaints. H/T Libertarian Advocate.
  • Nation of Cowards introduces Rosario Dawson. Excellent.
  • Instapundit came back with a link to the top 10 Winter Olympics hotties.
  • Yankee Phil also celebrated Jennifer Anniston’s 41st, and had a link to some British designer dude that can’t seem to differentiate between life and a sci-fi flick, IMO.
  • Three Beers Later serves up Larry the Cable Guy for Rule 5. You be the judge. But don’t miss this week’s Juliana Moreira installment. Paco’s sidekick, Wronwright, got zany with the time machine and the harem, TBL discovered.
  • Proof Positive saluted Amber Heard.
  • Jeffords’ Valentine, in some parallel universe, might be Reese Witherspoon.
  • Little Miss Attila narrowed the Olympic hotness to just the guys.
  • The Classic Liberal coaxes an explanation of health care costs from Anne Hathaway.
  • And then Troglopundit spoke: “Race, Danica! Win! Or at least crash spectacularly and escape unharmed!”
  • Paco inserted Helen Forrest for a bit of dramatic tension in the Danica story.
  • The Daley Gator and American Power grew wrathful at Troglopundit’s Danica maneuvers. The Camp of the Saints lowered the boom, as well.
  • Trog’s slavish devotion at least extended to the crash.
  • The Daley Gator: “Danica Patrick crashes, blames Wisconsin blogger”. Fishersville Mike reported a four blog pile up.
  • WyBlog interrupted the Danica thread with an important Valentine message.
  • Belvedere wanted to make sure that we did not lose sight of Christina Hendricks in either the Danica or Anne Hathaway crushes. Then he thought of the beach.
  • Right, Wing Nut posts a Haiti update featuring the wife of Rapper Ice-T. She may have served in the Navy as an Operations Specialist, and be trained in bi-directional writing. Fuggedaboudit.
  • No Sheeples Here posted on Apolo Anton Ohno. Quite handsome for a fellow who thinks that he’s a multi-tool, going around all folded up like that.
  • The Camp of the Saints also featured the ageless Sophia Loren, Teddi Smith, and some Selma Hayek
  • Knowledge is Power had that lady in the Progressive commercials with the layer of war paint chipped off. A being lives under there, both human and attractive.
  • Trainwife1962 offered some background art on the Roman Catholic Bishop and Martyr selling all those cards and chocolate. Oh, there is supposed to be a spiritual point to all this? Wait…
  • Here’s My Thing had a roundup of hotties in body paint that is tasteful.
  • Left Coast Rebel went with a roundup of Winter Olympics hotties.
  • American Power rounds us out with Britains’ Sexiest Farmer. Rumored to be in his draft queue: “The Amish Rule 5 Beard Review”. That’s just the kind of powerhouse blogging DD is into. I hope LCR is taking notes.

‘Almost Never’ Is Once Too Often

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“Certainly, there are lots of socialists on college faculties across the land. Happily, they almost never engage in killing sprees.”
— James Joyner, Outside the Beltway

UPDATE: The plot thickens:

The professor who is accused of killing three colleagues at the University of Alabama on Friday was a suspect in the attempted mail bombing of a Harvard Medical School professor in 1993, a law enforcement official said today.
Amy Bishop and her husband, James Anderson, were questioned after a package containing two bombs was sent to the Newton home of Dr. Paul Rosenberg, a professor and doctor at Boston’s Children’s Hospital.

(Via Memeorandum.)

UPDATE II: Dan Collins on Twitter calls attention to this from Christopher Knowles:

I was a bit stunned to find out that I attended high school in Braintree, Mass. with the accused shooter at the University of Alabama. Not only that but I also attended high school with the brother she mowed down with a shotgun in 1986. . . .
The story behind her brother’s shooting is a lot more incriminating than people knew at the time, and this is bound to cause a major scandal since the DA at the time is now a US Congressman. . . .

And still more:

I have known Amy since she was 17. Amy has NEVER been able to effectively communicate or connect with another human being. She was just missing that part of her brain…. She left Harvard after getting her degree because she couldn’t get a position in the Boston area.

An interesting story, to be sure.

UPDATE III: And yet even more:

Amy Bishop, he said, “wasn’t mean because she wasn’t someone you could get close to. She wasn’t an attractive girl, she didn’t have friends. She didn’t work at having friends. I think people probably, over time, learned to leave her alone.” . . .
A family source said Bishop . . . was a far-left political extremist who was “obsessed” with President Obama to the point of being off-putting.

And she was a Harvard graduate. Like Ross Douthat and Ted Kaczynski.

I’m just sayin’ . . .

‘Trust Us, We’re Experts!’

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Another triumph of expertise:

The academic at the centre of the ‘Climategate’ affair, whose raw data is crucial to the theory of climate change, has admitted that he has trouble ‘keeping track’ of the information.
Colleagues say that the reason Professor Phil Jones has refused Freedom of Information requests is that he may have actually lost the relevant papers.
Professor Jones told the BBC yesterday there was truth in the observations of colleagues that he lacked organisational skills, that his office was swamped with piles of paper and that his record keeping is ‘not as good as it should be’.
The data is crucial to the famous ‘hockey stick graph’ used by climate change advocates to support the theory.
Professor Jones also conceded the possibility that the world was warmer in medieval times than now – suggesting global warming may not be a man-made phenomenon.
And he said that for the past 15 years there has been no ‘statistically significant’ warming.

(Via Memeorandum.) The big headline at Little Green Footballs? “Overnight Open Thread.” Lot of crickets chirping overnight, it seems.

Evolution, Anthropogenic Global Warming and Other Non-Falsifiable Theories

Attention, Ugly Women: You Do Not
Have the Right to a Job as a Stripper

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You might not need to be told this. Obviously, being a stripper is one of those jobs — like NASCAR driver — where good looks are very important. Most ugly women understand this concept, and therefore seek careers as tenured university professors, a field where looks are inconsequential. However, vocational guidance counselors forgot to explain this to Rianne Theriault-Odom:

VAN NUYS – A Tarzana woman was found guilty Thursday of dousing an exotic dancer and single mother with gasoline and setting her on fire last year outside the Tarzana bikini bar Babes N’ Beer.
Rianne Theriault-Odom, 28, who had been rejected as a dancer at the club, faces mandatory life sentences for the guilty verdicts of one count each of aggravated mayhem and torture. The Los Angeles Superior Court jury acquitted her of a third count, attempted murder and the lesser charge of attempted voluntary manslaughter. . . .
During the trial, witnesses said that Theriault-Odom, who had been rejected for a job at Babes N’ Beer, had feuded with Busby and felt disrespected by her.
Theriault-Odom testified that “I felt offended – I felt she was trying to punk me. I had to stand up for myself. That’s the way it is on the streets.”

The victim, Roberta Dos Santos Busby is — or at least prior to this crime was — an attractive woman. Theriault-Odom is ugly. And therefore, when Theriault-Odom didn’t get a stripper job, she blamed Busby.

That may not make sense to you, but I’m sure Robert Reich or Paul Krugman could explain it. As every liberal knows, poor people are poor because rich people have all the money.

Theriault-Odom was just applying Liberal LogicTM to her own situation: Ugly women are ugly because beautiful women are monopolizing all the good looks.

There is legal precedent for Theriault-Odom’s belief. About 30 years ago, during the Carter administration, feminists noticed that airline flight attendants — who were called “stewardesses” back then — tended to be young, attractive and cheerful.

This was clearly unfair, so there was a federal civil-rights lawsuit and now all U.S. airline flight attendants are either ill-tempered, middle-aged, homely women or snarky unhelpful gay men.

However, during the Reagan years, Ed Meese put a stop to such shenanigans before the courts could apply that social-justice principle to the strip-club industry, which is why most strippers don’t look like Joy Behar, Whoopi Goldberg or Andrew Sullivan.

Yet.

God help us if the Rianne Theriault-Odoms of the world unite for a class-action lawsuit now. There can be no doubt which side of that issue Sonia Sotomayor would be on.

I’m just sayin’ . . .

Bloggers Cause Danica Patrick Wreck at Daytona; Bikini Photos Survive Accident

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DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — Danica Patrick’s bikini photos were uninjured after a 12-car accident ended this weekend’s Daytona International Speedway NASCAR debut for the pinup hottie known as “The Anna Kournikova of Auto Racing.”

Patrick was in 21st place when she was caught in a four-way Rule 5 blog pileup involving Lance Burri, Donald Douglas, Bob Belvedere and Doug Hagin.

“It was terribly distracting,” Patrick said in the pit area afterwards, as she stripped off her fireproof racing suit to reveal a stunning black bikini. “I was trying to concentrate on achieving yet another mediocre finish when suddenly I started getting all these Google alerts on my iPhone. I was trying to Twitter a message to Donald — I mean, yeah, Troglopundit is totally trying to hog the action — and then, ‘Blam!’ Some guy rams into me and I’m out of the race. Bummer.”

The 300-mile Nationwide Series race was won by veteran NASCAR driver Tony Stewart, who has never posed in a bikini.

Anne Hathaway’s breasts could not be reached for comment.

Well, Now, Mr. Wurzelbacher

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by Smitty (h/t Dan Riehl)

That’s just a bit out of the plumbing aisle, now isn’t it?

Wurzelbacher touched on several different points during his speech, and many of them were surprising. He said he doesn’t support Sarah Palin anymore. Why? Because she’s backing John McCain’s re-election effort. “John McCain is no public servant,” he told the room, calling the 2008 Republican nominee a career politician.

I pointed out he’d just be plain old Sam Wurzelbacher of Ohio — Joe the Plumber wouldn’t exist – without McCain. His response was blunt. “I don’t owe him s—. He really screwed my life up, is how I look at it.”

Wurzelbacher said, “McCain was trying to use me. I happened to be the face of middle Americans. It was a ploy.”

Of course, people will say anything to get quoted in this blog…

‘Random Tragedy’ Not So Random: Socialist Serial Killer Amy Bishop

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“It’s always baffling to me when people try to politicize random tragedies — usually while they’re breaking news stories with little real information.”
— James Joyner, Outside the Beltway

Joyner is (a) from Alabama and (b) has a Ph.D., and I’m sorry if that caused anyone’s head to explode — “An intellectual? From Alabama?” — but he doesn’t seem to be the kill-everybody-in-the-faculty-meeting type of intellectual, so he’s OK with me.

Joyner is correct about the unfortunate tendency toward instant politicization of major news events. We’ve seen Michael Moore blame the 1999 Columbine shootings on Charlton Heston. We’ve seen Robert Kennedy Jr. blame the 2005 New Orleans flood on Haley Barbour and George W. Bush.

Having recently seen liberal bloggers make fools of themselves by hasty conclusions — “Send the Body to Glenn Beck!” — I certainly wasn’t going theorize about Professor Amy Bishop’s murder spree at the University of Alabama-Huntsville in the absence of facts.

Well, the facts are now starting to pile up like the corpses of Amy Bishop’s victims, so let’s go there, shall we?

  • Bishop was an alumna of Harvard University, which is also the alma mater of Ted Kaczynski.
  • As Instapundit noted last night, at least one of her students described Bishop as a “socialist.”
  • The UAH massacre wasn’t Bishop’s first homicide: “The Boston Globe reported at the time that Amy Bishop had accidentally shot her 18-year-old brother, Seth M. Bishop, an accomplished violinist who had won a number of science awards, in Braintree. Braintree Police Chief Paul Frazier confirmed today at a news conference that Amy Bishop had shot her brother in 1986. But Frazier offered a different account of the shooting, saying Bishop had shot her brother during an argument and was being booked by police when the chief at the time ordered the booking process stopped and Bishop released to her mother.”
  • Via Dan Riehl and Gateway Pundit, there’s now this news: “Braintree officers who remember the 1986 shooting said that former police Chief John Polio dismissed detectives from the case and ordered the department to release Amy Bishop after a telephone conversation with former district attorney William Delahunt. Delahunt is currently a U.S. congressman from Massachusetts.”
  • Moe Lane is just askin’ questions: “Polio was not forthcoming about why then-DA Delahunt decided not to press charges, or why the documents in the case are apparently not available. Given the circumstances, perhaps the Congressman from MA-10 would like to fill in the blanks, as it were?”

You know who else might want to start asking questions? Republican Joe Malone, who is reportedly considering a challenge to Delahunt in MA-10:

In [the Jan. 19] special election Scott Brown won the 10th Congressional district 59.8% – 39.3% over Martha Coakley . . .
Worth noting is that Brown’s senior team, before they were Romney’s senior team, were Malone’s senior team. Eric Fehrnstrom, Beth Lindstrom, and Priscilla Ruzzo were instrumental in Malone’s runs for Treasurer. The Brown machine is revved up and Joe Malone may reclaim them for his next run.

Polls show Delahunt is in trouble, he’s reported to be considering retirement, and the news that Delahunt was responsible for releasing a Harvard-educated socialist serial killer . . . well, that’s not so good for Bill Delahunt, is it?

The Other McCain: Politicization You Can Believe In!

UPDATE: Professor William Jacobson:

One thing about Bishop’s politics seems likely, however. And that is that she must never have attended a Tea Party or said something nice about Sarah Palin, or we would have heard about it by now.

The BlogProf coins a new term, “Going Professorial.”